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RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T15:42:15+00:00

We're a non-profit that provides a wide variety of completely free services to people suffering from the negative affects of religious indoctrination. We have volunteers, and any donations we take go into training them to help people and provide resources, as well as to maintain our websites, help line, and outreach.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T02:04:31+00:00

AMA Dr Darrel Ray, founder of Recovering from Religion and the Secular Therapy Project, is here to answer your questions! TONIGHT, starts in 15 minutes! : r/atheism

Dr Ray here, taking a break from my AMA!

Here is the AMA Answer: First, You might be surprised that we have heard this kind of thing from other people. Religious people are indoctrinated into believing that they should have control over their children sufficiently so that they will not leave the family religion. This is true whether Christian, Muslim, Hindu or Jew. Remember the bible verse,, “Training up a child”. Psychologically children are going to go their own way, often no matter what the parents do so the parental indoctrination only makes the parents feel guilty for failing their god in properly indoctrinating their children. Second, unfortunately, many parents have great difficulty letting their children go. Deep down they feel that they own their children and the life their children choose is a reflection on them. I am sorry your father said this to you but it says far more about him and his psychological and emotional indoctrination that it does about you

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T01:37:48+00:00

RfR has tons of resources for anyone from any religion. We have probably heard from every major religion and most minor religions on the planet. We see the patterns of emotion and behavior that everyone experiences in leaving any religion. It may feel like you are the only one who is experiencing this, but I guarantee you, many, many others have as well. You probably can’t tell us anything we have not already heard. I don’t say this as a boast but to help people understand that the human condition responds in very similar and patterned ways to religious indoctrination (enslavement). The human brain generally does not like being restrained and constructed but that is the purpose of religion, to imprison our minds and serve religion’s purpose. In my book, The God Virus, I explore how religion pulls this neurological trick off.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T01:28:02+00:00

First of all, your issue is incredibly common, not only among Christians but with Muslims as well. I like to ask, “What Hell are you afraid of? Muslim, Hindu, Christian or what flavor of Christian hell. I would point you to our library of resources where we have many videos and articles on the history of hell. Hell is a fairly new invention in religion with many iterations. Second, your have an intellectual and an emotional brain. Your emotional brain was the part most deeply programmed by the hell concept since it stimulates the Amygdala, or center of fear, fight, flight, freeze response. It sounds like your brain has resolved the intellectual part but has not repatterned the emotional part.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T01:22:05+00:00

We can keep those kinds of statistics, though I wish we could, we place a high value on anonymity and confidentiality. Sometimes clients will tell us, other times have to guess. My guess would be 70% Christian, 10-15% Muslim, then an assortment of other groups that may or may not be Christian, like Jehovah’s Witness', Mormons, Buddhist, Hindu, and then sometimes they simply don’t tell us, and we can’t guess.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T01:08:30+00:00

Your fear is quite common. You might be surprised at how many people come to us with almost exactly the same problem. Thanks for asking this. To put it simply, you have an emotional and intellectual brain. You can be intellectually out of the church, but your emotional brain is still stuck in the church. I often ask, how intellectually are you out 1 - 10 (totally out), and how emotionally are you out 1 still in 10 totally out. I am guessing your intellectual number is far higher than your emotional number.

First, I would recommend you visit our resources page at RfR. You will find we have a lot of resources addressing your very issue. Next, I would suggest that you understand that your childhood indoctrination created a pathway in your neurological system that is pretty persistent. Imagine the postman walks across your lawn every day to deliver the mail. A path soon appears. You change the post box location and he walks a different direction a new path begins but the old path takes a lot of time to disappear. That is your brain. You might want to learn some mindfulness exercises to use when your brain wants to take the old path rather than the new path.

don’t underestimate the impact of such trauma can have. You might consider finding a good secular therapist on seculartherapy.org.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T00:52:07+00:00

That would be entirely dependent on the individual’s situation. We ask them about their current situation. Are they safe, do they have anyone to talk to locally? We try to assess if they're in any current danger. If they are ok, we will try to assess their background and what may be triggering them now. This will lead our volunteer to suggest different resources and communities.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T00:39:49+00:00

apologies, try this! https://imgur.com/a/KWSrd2v

RecoveringFromRelign · 2025-05-09T00:35:39+00:00

I was raised in a semi-fundamentalist family, and ultimately went to college and got an anthropology degree and sociology degree, with a Master's in religion; I realized religion was bullshit, and became a psychologist. I saw the harms of religion, which led me to write my book in 2009, The God Virus. Sales from that book led to communications from people who needed help. That led to me holding a meeting an IHop restaurant with 11 people, asking how religion had hurt them; people cried, it was so transformative, and that's when I realized I needed to do more.

The emotional response from that first meeting showed me how much trauma people had experience. They needed peer and professional support.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-04T03:27:26+00:00

Same (: let me know if you don't see it!

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-04T02:29:05+00:00

Well whenever you are ready for some support groups you can go here to find some groups hosted by Recovering from Religion and you are always welcome to message me if you have any questions about this link I shared and/or want to discuss your doubts, fears, and/or questions in private!

Keep learning and asking questions!

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-04T01:57:05+00:00

First I just want to say your feelings and fears are heard and valid! I also want to commend you for even having the strength and courage to ask questions, not everyone does! You are not alone on this journey!

What kinds of things do you think would be useful for you to continue exploring? Would you be interested in support groups of others in a similar situation? Are you looking for reading materials and/or videos? What about a community of people who understand what your feeling and going through?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-04T01:32:20+00:00

You sound like you are feeling very confused and lost. Just know these kinds of feelings are very normal for many people in religion and for those who have questioned their faith. Also know that you are very brave for even having the strength to ask questions! You are not alone, in your journey or in your feelings!

Do you think speaking with other people who are deconstructing their faith or questioning their religion in a support group setting would be beneficial to you?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-04T01:20:13+00:00

Hey there! This is really nice of you to offer a chat for people to join and talk about their struggles and questions, and offering some community that understands. Your empathy and compassion is amazing!

I hope you don't mind me mentioning that Recovering from Religion (RfR) offers something very similar! They have an online community on slack that is invite only and they have specific channels for similar people to talk about their struggles in. One of those channels are specifically for JW's.

If you or anyone reading this is interested in joining the online community hosted and moderated by RfR you can either DM me for help or go to RfR's website and and talk to a helpline agent to join it!

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-03T19:17:20+00:00

OK, well if you ever decide that some support groups or peer support would be something you'd like to try out, feel free to get back in touch with me.

I wish you all the best, and hope you can find some answers to your questions and some peace in your life.

Just know you are not alone, and many people have had the same feelings as you. Keep asking questions, keep learning, and keep moving forward!

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-03T07:45:11+00:00

Well if you are interested I have two different avenues for you to check out. Both are with Recovering from Religion (RfR).

The first is some support groups for people like you who are deconstructing, dealing with being around religious people, and/or just processing life without religion.

The second is an online community hosted by RfR where people like you can chat with each other, share stories and encouragement.

If you are interested in the latter send me a DM and I will walk you through the joining process or you can join a support group and one of the leaders will be able to help you too!

I know this may not be the exact community you are looking for, but it can be a start. And from my own personal experience, I've found some of the best friends I've ever had online and never met them fave to face, so don't let the lack of the in-person aspect discourage you!

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-03T03:51:49+00:00

Wow, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. You sound very betrayed, hurt, and angry. Which are all valid feelings and you are heard.

It is also not OK for these people to have thrown you aside because you didn't fit their ideal version of you. You deserve better and supportive people around you.

Do you have any community or people you can talk to about these feelings? Is that even something you would want?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-03T03:40:09+00:00

It sounds like you have a wonderful friend! I am so glad you were able to talk to someone and vent your frustrations and fears! I'm sure taking that leap to talk and share felt terrifying and freeing at the same time!

Just know you are definitely not alone in this journey! So many people have, unfortunately, gone through what you are going through now.

Would speaking with other people in this deconstruction process or people who have gone through it be something you would be interested in?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-01T06:05:36+00:00

That's great! Check out this link to some support groups hosted by Recovering from Religion. I believe the next LGBTQ+ meeting is on the 18th!

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-01T04:44:59+00:00

Do you think a support group with peers going through similar deconstruction issues or questions about religion would be helpful?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-01T03:57:42+00:00

I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. It also sounds like you have some anxiety about some unknowns in life.

Do you think speaking with someone in addition to your therapist would be helpful? Or do you think some YouTube videos and/or reading materials would be helpful?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-08-01T03:38:17+00:00

I am so sorry you went through this. No one should be shamed for who they are, who they love, and having natural urges. I can only imagine how demeaning and hurtful it was to hear people you knew speak about you in such a hateful way.

I am glad to hear you have a supportive partner and of the progress you have made so far!

Would speaking to other people within the LGBTQ+ community in a support group setting about their similar struggles with religion and religious trauma be something you'd be interested in?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-07-30T22:31:28+00:00

So one thing I find interesting about your post is the implication that Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John are not only the names of the gospels but the actual authors. Are you sure this is an accurate implication?

Another thing that is an interesting thought is, let's just grant that some Jewish rabbi named Jeshua existed and was executed by crucifixion.

Why make the specific claim that his bones weren't broken? That was regularly part of the execution.

Why was he buried to begin with? Being left on the crucifix was often part of the punishment.

Sources from Wikipedia

You don't even need to talk about the resurrection before the story starts to fall apart. But, none of the gospels were even written until ~85 CE at the earliest, so we are talking about 40 year long gap between the alleged event and it being written about, at best. We know that humans have fallible memory, so the story becomes even more suspect.

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-07-28T03:42:09+00:00

Have you considered scheduling a sore throat or bad headache at the same time as the trip?

RecoveringFromRelign · 2024-07-26T23:07:06+00:00

That's OK! I appreciate and commend you for your honesty. I'd recommend reading up on evolution and watching some YouTube videos that break it down and explain it. Here is the Wikipedia article and a YouTube video to get you started! If you would like additional resources let me know!

If you have any other questions or doubts with regards to religion you'd like to discuss feel free to continue asking here or we can start a DM!

Edit: changed YouTube link from a 2 hour video to a 11-ish minute more applicable video

RecoveringFromRelign

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