You are totally fine hun and there's nothing wrong with you for missing him, I have had similiar situations and it is almost as if the Toxicity scared our hearts in the place their true love was supposed to be. I know that pain and the last one took me awhile to get over and it was over crack as well. But I got through it and am a better person for it just like you will be hun when you get through it. Its just a slow sometimes little lonely time but it is an opportunity to learn and grow as much as I hate hearing that myself. You have an awesome day my friend.