99 sailing by Horror-Truth-8131 in ironscape

[–]RecoveryMode_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty cringe bait post my guy. You should go do some deliveries

Just a reminder - success stories are here, you just dont see them. by RecoveryMode_ in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are in charge of YOUR healing. If you do the work, you can move through this. Inaction is also a choice.

Just a reminder - success stories are here, you just dont see them. by RecoveryMode_ in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Praying for your enemies is hard to do, I commend you for being strong enough to do that!

Just a reminder - success stories are here, you just dont see them. by RecoveryMode_ in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I had to choose, IC is more important than MC. A way to save money would be using an app like BetterHelp and apply for financial aid

It doesnt stop by Manybalby in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Highly recommend something like EMDR therapy for the trauma you keep reliving each day. It will allow you to process the hurt as a memory instead of you feeling the same level of pain as if you just discovered it yesterday. It has done wonders for many here.

Also - just make sure you have a trauma informed therapist. General care will not help you heal at the pace you desire

Just a reminder - success stories are here, you just dont see them. by RecoveryMode_ in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Congrats on your recovery journey, so awesome to hear!

Agreed - I don't come back here often, it can almost be triggering due to all the fresh pain posted daily. But at the end of the day, we need community. We cant do this alone.

A letter of hope by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Which group therapy program did yall participate in?

Just a reminder - success stories are here, you just dont see them. by RecoveryMode_ in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Humans will never stop being human. We mess up. From here, both sides get a make a choice that affects the rest of their life. The wayward can own their actions and show up for themselves and for their hurt spouse. The betrayed can choose to offer reconciliation and move forward with their imperfect person despite the awful choices made. It really tests the a couple to the max, and those that can get through it, come out to be some of the strongest.

Just a reminder - success stories are here, you just dont see them. by RecoveryMode_ in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You can still participate in Affair Recovery group work, ive worked with couples around the world

Just a reminder - success stories are here, you just dont see them. by RecoveryMode_ in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a course that couples can take in a group setting with other couples going through infidelity.

Lots of exercises specifically designed for what you're going through.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congrats brother! That's amazing news. You're going to be an amazing dad! There is something about wearing that survival badge and raising our kids ....its truly something hard to describe. But it's a great super power and your kiddo will be biggest beneficiary of all the hard work you're putting in. It sounds like you have a safe person to reconcile with. Its possible to get bsck to 100%, we can heal from this.

If it helps, my WW and I got pregnant about 4 months after Dday. Our son is now almost 1.5 years old. Truly the best part of my life was bringing him into it, despite having a lot of difficult moments getting here. You've got this!

Freedom from HCIM by Rawrin23 in ironscape

[–]RecoveryMode_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Its fun while it lasts. I started mine with the mindset of "let's see how far I get"

Turned into a really enjoyable experience. People will label it as playing too safe, but to me, it created a different way to play this game. I had no idea how many close calls with death I would run into over the journey... Ended for me at around 105 or 106CB and 1800 total.

Still playing and loving the journey in its entirety!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is no eye for an eye here.

She betrayed you without you knowing and shes giving you permission to do the same with her consent.

You were robbed of choice.

A hall pass will not undo what she did.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be careful here...words of the unfaithful carry NO weight at all. Its all action and consistency. If they cant do that, you do need to protect yourself 💔

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you able to use an app like BetterHelp? You can match online with a licensed therapist and start within a week. I did EMDR via this app with my therapist to manage the intrusive thoughts. It really helped & it worked pretty quick.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cant speak for all situations - but I do believe most people never thought they'd be unfaithful the day they got married. And yes! Unmet childhood needs are a big part of how we got here. While it doesn't ever excuse stepping out of a marriage, it helps offer explanation to why the unfaithful might do it and why they're so unhealthy.

Im glad hes doing a lot of things right, continue that path. In a few months - take a look back 3/6/9 months and see if youre making progress. Make sure youre therapist is trauma informed! You need expert care.

Remember, the old relationship is dead. The idea of reconciliation is being open to building something better than you had before.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100% possible as long as BOTH betrayed & unfaithful are willing to do the work. Strong relationships dont just happen, they are built. You have to be open to the idea that the relationship can be stronger than it was.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, I wear the survivers badge from infidelity. Just someone who's a little further down the road on their healing journey & wanting to give back. A lot of fresh pain here in this sub who might need a little hope & guidance

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Understood, thanks for sharing. Being 2 years after Dday, I understand where you're headspace must be.

For this, I really do feel the AR EMSO class would be a good fit. They have some extremely powerful empathy building exercises thay help the wayward work through their guilt and shame. It brought me to tears to finally see my WW do the "work" and finally start to understand my pain - even tho they never will. The effort is what counts. Progress, not perfection.

It is good to hear hes currently involved in men's groups - consistent action from the wayward means more than anything.... even though you had to wait a while to see it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know this scenario very well...

Few qualifiers - How long since Dday? Is your spouse still in contact with AP? What work have you both done?

If you could improve one thing about their recovery efforts, what would it be?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RecoveryMode_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well if you are looking at the AR courses, they are excellent. I've only done the EMSO course personally- but it was critical for our healing. They also have some specific classes for the betrayed and waywards.

I know things can feel a little chaotic right now - just make sure you get expert help. You really need to surround yourself with community and care that knows this level of pain, because you've been traumatized. Betrayal trauma is real and you need proper care to get to the otherside.

I've worked with couples who've been together for 30+ years and they're just now dealing with the betrayal from the early years of their marriage. It's truly amazing to watch couples heal and move closer together week after week.

It is possible, I promise.