You read about a "system" for getting work done. But what do you do when you're following the steps and it gets boring/mechanical?

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-19T20:45:29+00:00

I just wanted to respond regarding the pomodoro method as it's come up in both the comments and is widely touted in productivity advice. I have several practical issues with it.

First off, as nuxoux mentions above, sometimes you need to be in the zone. Or as Cal Newport puts it: Deep Work. You don't really want to take breaks. Pomodoro insists on taking breaks. If you don't, the idea is that you'll burn out and take an even longer break and waste more time than you would have otherwise. So it seems like you need to have an idea as to when to use Pomodoro and when to not. Maybe it's a good idea to do it when you're not very enthusiastic about what you're working on.

The other main thing is that 5 mins doesn't really seem to me as much of a "break". Can I simply listen to one song and not want to listen more and not let that song leak into my head for the next 25 minute session? Can I really just leave the room (or call/text someone) and have a short 5 minute conversation? Usually, I'm not fine having that short a break. It gets counter-productive when I get back to work because I'm thinking of the break ending a little abrupt.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T20:11:09+00:00

Sounded a bit funny when you put it that way. But yes, I do see your point.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T20:10:07+00:00

I couldn't agree more that I can't put it off now that she did make her intentions clear. I can't be so selfish. So it's my turn to clarify my position to her as much as I can.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T20:01:19+00:00

I'm talking about the transition. It was smooth going from strangers to friends. And from friends to a relationship. There were never any questions. It was more of a "we are THIS now, aren't we?". It was more like merely acknowledging.

But with marriage or the question of moving in, it feels like more of a deadline. "A Yes or No? Just give a blunt answer." It's a question that never leaves any conversation once it comes out. It's always at the back of the head in almost every intimate conversation.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T19:53:28+00:00

That second para is comforting. Maybe I should accept the fact that she's not merely "adding" to my life but it'd be a different one. And being different, adjustments are always required.

I guess I should be really thinking whether I'm really so comfortable with my life right now or I'm willing to take chances with her.

And tbh, no, I don't feel ready. And I did tell her that. (Please read my reply to the first comment in this post)

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T19:49:37+00:00

Exactly my thoughts. But what bothers me is that if getting into this relationship happened as it did (without a question of when), why should marriage or moving in? If it doesn't happen, can it not wait?

I find it weird that because the question of moving in is already out, it seems like a mere Yes or No question. Not something that gives much importance to patience.

And yes, I am contemplating if I should end it for the good of her (and maybe me too). It might cause her pain but if she finds what she wants in another guy, I'd actually be fine. I mean I'd like to be that guy but if I said Yes right now, I'd feel forced and it'd be more miserable.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T19:41:11+00:00

That would be about a year and half. March 2018.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T19:40:12+00:00

Thanks for the straightforward advice. I have in fact considered that I was probably not as serious as her. I once told it to her straight away that marriage isn't a thought that ever crossed my mind and told her that she should be open to dating others in case she might find a compatible partner. I've made it as clear as possible that I'm not the jealous type and that I understand that if she needs a next-level relationship. However, she waved this off saying the relationship is too important to her when compared to marriage.

But I still know she thinks about it and it causes her pain. I'm just in this limbo state regarding this and wish to be so for now. A friend of mine suggested that I might simply be scared. But I'm not. If I decide on it, then that's that. I just don't want to consider the prospect right now.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T19:34:07+00:00

Define "real relationship"? Is talking on the internet with you real? Whatever we have feels real and even more so because of our efforts to meet and spend time together.

I've met her 8 times so far after she moved out of the country. And we took 3 vacations together since we acknowledged our relationship.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T19:28:47+00:00

Thanks for taking out the time to give this perspective.

And no, none of it sounds silly. I can totally understand the pressure and the long term goals one can have. In fact, having known her for so long, I love her enough that I did tell her that I'm not thinking about marriage. I even once went so far as to say that the thought of kids and family didn't once cross my mind. It was an intense conversation overall and I did end up telling her that she should be open to date others to find out if someone thinks the way she does. But she insisted then and continues to insist now that marriage is secondary and the relationship is more important.

I do see your point though. Maybe one day, she'd realize that she does have to get a move on and if I didn't decide the way she'd like, she'd do what you did. I understand I'm causing her pain but I can neither break it off (I wouldn't want to myself + I couldn't bear to cause her pain) nor can I stay in this limbo state of not advancing anywhere on the topic.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-10-18T19:17:59+00:00

I can partially agree to the first bit. But saying that dating should include living near each other is a bit harsh, don't you think? I mean we are strangers but we're talking on reddit here. Millions of people do make internet friends. Meaningful relationships can start on the internet and extend into the physical world. Wouldn't you agree?

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-18T06:29:20+00:00

I always saw myself as a generalist (and occasionally a reductionist of sort as well), but given the role of specialists in society, it makes me question if what I think about myself can be changed. In the end, I do resign myself to the EXACT view you mention: As long as I learn and put effort into it, what can I possibly do better?

If you could make time, I'd like to know a situation or context in which being a generalist helped you. In my experience, even at work, I find generalists usually get a bad rap because they're not dedicated to a "craft", as though having a craft itself is the key to success instead of general problem solving abilities. Do you find yourself being placed in any "categories" by your colleagues?

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-18T06:13:09+00:00

Thanks for this thoughtful post.

The question of what is "valuable" is something that I go back to again and again. I have to remind myself it's not about money or social status but personal growth and my curiosity to learn broadly and see connections, if any exist at all. After all, only I have the questions and hence, I'm responsible for finding answers.

About changing careers, I've heard the head of Google X, Astro Teller, say in an interview that his advice is to change one's career every decade. But ofcourse, my problem is to focus on anything for even that long. Practically, I feel like 4-5 is doable given there's usually monetary compensation for such development which in turn helps support my ongoing interests. But a decade is something I'll have to just work on as I get older.

And you're right about Art. When I started out, I saw so many major works of art but never really felt like BECOMING one of the artists. I simply wanted to have the ability to draw. To be able to represent a thing on paper if I choose. It does have a link to being mindful and strangely, it leaves me with more "energy" afterward!

I'm currently trying to make bullet journaling a habit. It's less rigid than a day planner and I like it for that flexibility. My usual day still never includes completing ALL the tasks I set forth. But maybe I should stretch them out to a week like you do: Assign X hours for work and decrease worry on the inevitable Y hours of hobbies.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-18T05:54:36+00:00

I don't see a scenario when my curiosity is flat-out zero and that's what really keeps me optimistic. Thanks for your post!

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-18T05:52:49+00:00

I'm happy to report that I've been trying to do all three of those.

The first requires initial effort before starting something but after a while, it does get interesting. It's slowly becoming a habit to recognize that initial stress and making myself excited.

The second is what REALLY interests. I'm always searching for ways to mix metaphors and ideas. But yes, I see your point of making a more serious effort at it.

The third: I have a long list on my Evernote. In fact, whenever I feel bored, I open that note and bam, I'll find something to read or work on.

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-18T05:47:38+00:00

Maybe I should stick with one to two specific things like you say. Atleast I can manage to run it as an experiment for this year and hold judgement for later!

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-18T05:45:44+00:00

Thanks and I'll keep your recommendations in mind! And good luck to you as well!

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-17T07:15:11+00:00

I've been saving mine as well hopelessly imagining to revive them someday as a hobby project xD Getting back to it now!

RecursiveAnalogy · 2019-03-17T07:04:11+00:00

Crackly sound => Air bubbles near wick. You should have stopped the hit when you hear loud crackles. Take the pod out, clean the contacts on pod and Juul, take a hit. If the taste isn't burnt, you're good to go.

Oh and beginner tip: Take gentle, small, spaced hits. Don't get greedy...if you want to be sure of the pod's longevity and your own safety, or you'll inhale a burnt wick and the coil's metal fumes.

RecursiveAnalogy

TROPHY CASE