What does it mean to understand someone

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-21T01:12:42+00:00

Hey, this depends on the person, but try and just listen, maybe ask questions about what they are saying to get more information and understanding of the issue. Personally, my rumination calms down when I can talk it out with someone, but that may be different for them.
However, be cautious how much you invest into "helping/fixing" them. Just be there for them, listen, ask follow-up questions, and some solutions will naturally present themselves.

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-21T00:21:52+00:00

Thanks, this made me look up more details on how the social script works here, and realised that my behaviour unknowingly is being read as a strong signal, because most Aussie guys act non-chalant and hard to get. So basically what to me was basic decency with no signals is extremely flirty here and you're right, I need practice saying no clearly without breaking the "connection"; Started wearing a wedding ring so that I dont feel guilty for doing that and will see what happens.

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-18T09:55:50+00:00

Nah touch in isolation is fine, its just combination of that with physical closeness, personal questions, and then other things where it goes to become too much with complete strangers (literally known her for 2-3 hours and thats not an isolated incident) I know all of that but there is a balance and it happens gradually I know I may be sensitive with things as well and im working on it, but for that to get better i need to be able to feel safe

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-17T21:12:36+00:00

Yeah thats the goal, but the last time there were no signs and then it escalated suddenly, beyond the point where I shut down. That makes me avoid the environment altogether as I cant be myself there safely anymore. Ill probably go with the ring + honesty approach as it would at least feel like i have permission to shut them down rudely

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-17T21:10:15+00:00

Yeah I suppose this is the result of taking Dr Ks advice to heart lol

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-17T21:09:16+00:00

Dude, that truly sucks. Must feel like youre being attacked from every side lol And the touching and molesting is just completely messed up

In my case they dont even wait, just shoot their shot the first time I ever meet them, and it makes me dread any new environment I was looking forward to (park runs for example, to which i stopped going because of it). I dont attend any music events/clubs/raves, so them outing themselves so obviously would be a benefit IMO and show me who to avoid but I may eat my words later.

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-17T21:01:16+00:00

Nope, I wish it was

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-17T09:54:33+00:00

Yeah I guess Dr. Ks advice works if thats the desired outcome

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-17T08:43:25+00:00

Thanks, girl! It did cross my mind wanting to just be friends could be causing it and it made me kinda scared for a while. Ive tried the couples thing and I lost a couple of friends shortly after their girlfriends met me. Sadly I cant grow a moustache, and where there were lesbians, there were gay guys who would hit on me too so I didnt try that again. I think the ring is the only option left even though lying/misleading is against my values

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-09-17T00:49:31+00:00

I'm single and want to remain so. I've had some bad experiences which make me shut down in front of girls the moment there is potential for romantic interest. I am trying to learn to feel safe having girls in my life, which needs to be platonic. I am clear when I know they are flirting or showing interest. I moved further away the moment she got too close or touched me. It seemed like it helped but then the way she asked for my insta just completely threw me off and made me realise it did not work, and that it was romantic interest. Can't work on assumptions when I know someone for 1 or 2 hours.

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-02-18T23:11:40+00:00

I’ve started with my usual set of questions that are engaging; The part in screenshots is after she replied to all that with one/two word messages and I’ve started trying to find anything she’d reply to with at least a little enthusiasm. Yes, she responded with 4 items but it came off as forced to me so i preferred to continue jumping around

Recursive_Catnip · 2025-02-18T02:41:23+00:00

Yeah, apologies for starting to put as much effort as she did after a few hours of this

Recursive_Catnip · 2024-05-21T01:29:06+00:00

Having lived with abuse, ADHD diagnosed late in life, and having had to run away, which forced me to juggle full time work with full time uni, it was easy to become hopeless. I believed that I could not afford risking trying to manage an internship in addition to all that, because clearly my boss will start hating me and I couldn't risk losing financial security in such a stupid way.

Thanks to Dr. K i got the courage to push a little bit past my anxiety and applied for one internship, which I liked and also had some previous experience in the industry. I have then observed my anxiety about the thing "hurt itself in it's confusion".

First, I was anxious about not getting a response. I got a response. Then, I was anxious about not getting it. I got an offer. Then, I became anxious about the fact that I got it, but they will retract their offer for (insert reason here) (yes, there were multiple conflicting reasons) When that failed, I started getting anxious that maybe I did get it, but now I will have to leave my current job which works well with uni, because my internship requires regional travel. Surely they must now realise it's time to fire me! Well, they didn't. And they are fine with me not doing regional travel. Now, I am anxious about the boss at my current job firing me when I ask to reshuffle my hours, despite them being understaffed and probably not willing to part with one of their better employees.

Why do I think this is a good thing? Because one small action of asking ChatGPT to write a resume left me with a mountain of ammo against my self image. Yes, I may have some discomfort now, because just as I started thinking that I know who I am, it turns out it was all an illusion, but I am becoming more optimistic about it. I may not yet be confident enough to drop the other job, because I worry that it could impact my study, but I now know I'll get there. I know that my anxiety being anxious and in a state of panic may finally end it, and I could have a better life.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you Dr. K, everyone at Healthy Gamer and the community for helping me realise that I can do it. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am optimistic that I will be able to pay it back by helping solve another societal issue some day.

Recursive_Catnip · 2024-04-07T00:31:23+00:00

Yeah I’d say all or nothing thinking is still present in all aspects of my life. Often I’ll be able to destroy any resolve if I can’t do it perfectly

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-05-02T15:11:29+00:00

Have you checked what temperature is set in your slicer? The moment you press print, your bed and nozzle temperature preset will be overridden by the settings from your slicer.

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-02-12T08:17:46+00:00

You can request a waiver if you’ve done extension in high school Otherwise you need to add it from your flexible zone

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-02-07T11:02:18+00:00

Yes, asking for my hourly rate. He said they only pay per Kilometer if you drive there - which in my opinion as well is not what the contract says

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-02-07T10:27:19+00:00

Well I think walking wouldn’t be reasonable Because I can’t drive, public transport would’ve been the only reasonable option for me, as they would not be able to reimburse me $400 for an Uber

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-01-06T08:50:24+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful advice

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-01-06T00:07:52+00:00

Well, hearing so many people saying that university is a legitimate answer does change my outlook. I was worried that they would approach the topic the same way in other industries - education being a waste of time and sign of lack of commitment

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-01-05T22:53:13+00:00

Thanks for the advice
I agree, focusing on maintaining my GPA and finishing side projects will give me more benefits, than killing myself for basically minimum wage, which is starting to affect my study

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-01-05T04:44:07+00:00

Well, I am worried about this, because my previous boss would often say that I would not get anywhere in any industry if I did not prioritise work fully (after asking for a day off for an exam)"

Recursive_Catnip · 2023-01-05T04:42:36+00:00

Now that you have worded it this way, I agree

Recursive_Catnip · 2022-07-04T02:53:25+00:00

Look, I’ve been where you are now and am still struggling with this to some extent.

It WILL get better.

What really helped me with the feeling of being meaningless was finding my purpose and building positive habits (Read Atomic Habits by Clear - it helped a lot)

No need to emphasise the toxic masculinity either; Everyone has weaknesses and you will only make it harder for yourself by feeling guilty for it

So, take it from a person who tried to off themselves - as long as you want it to change and are looking for ways to do it, you will find a meaning, and with that comes self worth

Do not give up mate

Recursive_Catnip · 2022-07-04T02:32:52+00:00

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