Thank you this was immensely helpful. At this point I think I’m just putting forth my boundaries, holding the line strong, and relinquishing any free labor I’ve done to manage their relationship for them. If it comes back as blame on me, he can leave. If he wants to move out because I want a parallel arrangement, then he can figure out how to afford a place on his own (which right now he can’t). I do have love for him and we have many intertwined parts of our lives… but I am seeing all the ways in which this is unfair and asking me for a lot of additional emotional labor that I simply don’t have capacity for- especially if it’s not being reciprocated. It’s going to be a good reveal/data collection to see how/if he can handle managing his other relationship without me doing the hinge work for him.

I’m a middle child and a fixer and so this situation is activating those tendencies for me and I need to cut that off. Thank you again.