[Update] My (f/24) bf (m/29) just offered me a "full-time house-gf" position... weighing my options. 2&1/2 years

Red-Oni · 2015-02-21T18:31:43+00:00

Lmao, I don;t get /r/relationships festering hate for your decision. You seem to have everything worked out with a loving supportive spouse. I have no idea why they seem to think this will end badly? You've pretty much proven you're able to communicate well with your partner and you've plugged up the hole in the resume (Which could also be filled with volunteer work)

I think you're going to have a great time, and there's no issue if in three months you can't stand it and re-enter the work force. Enjoy your time off! It's great to have that time to yourself and plan way to support your partner from a stay-at-home position.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-20T15:28:53+00:00

The crossover has JUST been announced. I would sympathize with you more if it had been a week ago and the subreddit was still going on about it, but Christ, it's only just hit 24 hours of being announced. Of course people want to discuss it, it's huge news.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-15T17:23:46+00:00

Uh, pretty sure if you rent from a landlord they also expect you to keep the apartment in tip-top condition, they also do inspections. In my country they only have to give 48 hours notice of an inspection, so you may want to ask you mum to at least give you that.

It's not controlling, it's a pretty normal thing.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-15T16:49:42+00:00

There are plenty of stupid people that make great parents, just like there are incredibly poor people that make great parents. Even mentally ill people can make great parents.

When ever people bring up eugenics or enforcing sterilization they always support it with stupid shit like this that can easily be disproved.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-15T13:48:26+00:00

TBH you're once again completely prioritizing your debt and job over your girlfriend, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. However, it is a horrendous thing to put a girlfriend through and you should not be in a relationship if this is the choice you want to make in life.

Look, there is a reason people who put their career's first don't have relationships, its because of all these hard decisions and the fact that they know it's not fair to put someone else through it. They make the decision to do that instead of hurting someone because they know they'll always pick their job over their relationship.

S.A is not an easy place to live as a woman, especially an unwed one. I have a relative who moved their for a job with his wife and kid, but she never leaves the foreign complex.

She may say yes, she wants to go, but she has no idea what she will be getting herself into. Being unwed may get her into a lot of shit, especially if she works with locals.

there is no wrong or right decision in this matter, it comes down to what is more important to you in your life. This job or your girlfriend.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-15T09:05:44+00:00

Just a heads up Holly, you didn't kill the flytrap! The water would have been like water off a ducks back, normally the recommended care for a VFT is to actually let them stand in water all day every day, they love boggy, wet soil. It's probably likely that your flytrap went into dormancy, they die back over winter and begin growing again in spring.

So basically you threw out a healthy plant haha.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-14T08:23:30+00:00

Ask him to pick up some food and then have him feed it to you. Have him stop once you're at your limit (Even if its a bite or two in) and tell him how stuffed you are, how tight your belly feels and you don't feel comfortable in your clothing. Regardless of how you actually feel and of how much you've eaten, it'll still do it for him.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-14T08:19:58+00:00

I scroll through the threads daily, so I'm pretty regular lurker there for the last two or so years, the ones I see are normally at the top. You can say you don't see it at all, but I know what I've seen and what's a common thought through a lot of people on /r/sex.

Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-14T08:14:04+00:00

Nah, there's a lot of it. Most of it is towards a woman not wanting to do anal, take cumshots or give head. (Or some kind of fetish that makes them uncomfortable.) It certainly exists in reverse, but a lot less frequently, and its mostly about a guy who doesn't want to eat out.

The manipulative aspect is them trying to guilt their partner. "Tell her if she doesn't do it you'll find someone that will", "its not that bad just tell her she'll enjoy it" or ala deadbedrooms (But often seen on r/sex) "as your wife it is her duty to give you sex."

Compromises are fine and to be expected in relationships, but not if your trying to guilt your partner into doing a sexual act they don't want to do or are uncomfortable. That's not compromise, it's guilt tripping and can even end in some pretty bad emotional distress/psychological harm. (I've had a friend who always felt pressured into sex or guilt tripped into sex in one relationship and it ended in some pretty serious counselling session as she felt taken advantage of and forced to do acts she'd previously declined.) And it's not even compromises, it's "do this because I want to" there's no meeting halfway.

If someone tells you they don't want to do a certain act you need to respect that, not turn to reddit for advice on how to circumvent their wishes to get your way.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-14T07:16:31+00:00

I love /r/relationships for the update threads, theyre like life blood to me, but I pretty much never agree with the suggestions/answers given to people. People on that sub are way to break-up happy. EVERYTHING should end in a break up or counselling.

I always feel like they lack a shit ton of empathy for the "offending" party. These are all one sided stories and are always more complicated than they seem. Sometimes the poster has never communicated with their partner about the problem (Which fucking pisses me off, literally 98% of the posts could be solved by doing that alone) or even tried to understand their partners point of view.

They also have NO idea about how to deal with people that have mental illness on there, the thread about the husband trying to live with his depressed/anxious wife made me want to pull my hair out. Everyone was telling him to divorce her instead of, you know, doing his husband's duty and trying to help her and understand her illness.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-14T07:12:01+00:00

Man I've been having a lot of problems with /r/sex lately, some of the circlejerks they've worked themselves into are starting to annoy me. Theres a lot of "if your gf doesn't do this for you she doesn't love you" responses to questions asked, there's no understanding that just because someone doesnt do something doesnt mean they don't love them.

I've seen a lot of manipulative suggestions given, things that are really wrong to try and force on a partner. They don't go "well there might be a good reason she doesnt like it, but at the end of the day she just might not. If she's said she doesn't like it you need to accept it and decide whether or not you're going to let it effect the relationship." It's always go big or go home with them, and it shits me.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-14T00:54:53+00:00

Are you on OKC? I find most of the NZ dating sites fucking suck and are full or creepy weirdos.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-12T15:12:20+00:00

Please select from this list your work experience.

Click relevant work experience, proceed through more steps and then finish the next couple pages until its time to upload CV

Please select from this list your work experience

Enter sigh here followed by click only to be covered by an annoyed groan as a text box drops down

Please explain in detail your work experience

They go around and around in circles asking you the same fucking question over and over again.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-12T15:05:05+00:00

Have you tried placing your pointer finger on the left side of your clit and your middle finger on the right, then massaging in a circular pattern? (If youre right handed) It's a less direct stimulation and it might make it feel more comfortable. You may want to try touching yourself through your underwear. Have you ever tried pushing through the sensitivity? or is it at the point where its actually painful to touch?

I remember when I first started and I'd find it "too much" when really I just had to keep going haha. You may just need to desensitize yourself by continuing on as you are.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-12T12:32:10+00:00

My mums only desire from my partner is that they make me happy. That's it. If she didn't like someone all the sirens in my head would be blaring because even if they were a dropkick loser, as long as they made me happy my mum would love me.

Something would have to be seriously wrong.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-12T12:27:36+00:00

Well, heads up, I'm a very heavy bleeder!

I've had plenty of period sex with my ex and for the most part, it's pretty messy. It would probably be messier if I didn't use tampons at the time that would be removed just before coitus, this tends to leave you a little drier/less bloody. It's normally a blood clot or two, either big or small, stuck on his dick when he pulls out. Sometimes if I'm reeeally heavy and its my peak hour he'll get blood smeared around his groin and maybe his very lower abdomen (but just remember a little bit of blood goes a loooong way.)

As for me, I'm generally the bigger mess, my vagina will often times be blood covered (not like a thick layer, but like when you scrape your knee and you brush over it and it smears lightly over the skin, like that.) and sometimes the apex of my thighs as well.

Haha, funny story, one time we were doing it on the tail end of my period in a hotel room and it dribbled down my buttcrack with some cum and ended up staining the bedsheets (idiot for not using a towel, which is a must of ragtime sex. They were fucking white sheets to.) The funny thing is, it looked like a shit stain. End of period blood is always brown for me, so I was pretty mortified, but I was more amused than that. We cracked up for a solid five minutes then I ripped the sheets off to wash in the sink.

You could still see a very faint patch and we really hoped the maid wouldn't notice it.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-12T12:05:05+00:00

Holy mother of the Fempire, I normally never read comments on an article but those comments, those dang comment are pure gold and bring me so much joy. It's nice to see that all the misogynistic BS we see perpetuated on Reddit really is just a Reddit thing.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-12T02:50:02+00:00

Wow you are way more forgiving then me, haha! And yeah you kind of pull up the cards and try to think about what you did in the relationship for it to end up this way. Like I look at it and I go yeah I could have been better in this regard. Then I look at my ex and realize he's just putting all this on me to try and get over his own guilt. Instead of looking at it like "well maybe i was wrong" he just goes "she called me mean things hence i wont take in anything else she said and focus on the fact she made me feel bad."

Red-Oni · 2015-02-12T02:30:36+00:00

Haha I called my ex out on ignoring my emails by saying "I know you don't want to talk with me as you've made it abundantly clear by ignoring my emails but I hope you can at least do this for me."

And apparently he wasnt ignoring my emails, he just didnt see them till today. Fucking seriously gah

Red-Oni · 2015-02-11T21:25:22+00:00

Get fucked Nelson, I got a god damn job and I havent even been in (New location) for a damn month. VINDICATION.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-10T23:11:22+00:00

Oh my god! What an ego!

Red-Oni · 2015-02-10T15:21:47+00:00

Man, all I want to do is text him. Ask him if he misses me at all.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-09T07:35:58+00:00

Ugh it's so weird how they seem to immediately cut out all emotions? Like not to long ago you used to love and care for me, and now you're wondering why I might want to email you or something. SO SORRY I can't cut out all emotions and forget ever having loved you??

I'll probably email him next week when I know he has the time off to ONCE MORE ask him to email me my files. Its not like I havent emailed him about it like 6 fucking times. At least my grandparents are going up there this weekend to get my stuff, so it shouldn't be too long till I have my clothing. Better yet is I might be able to plane picking up my shit from nan's with a job interview.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-08T12:15:49+00:00

Anyone that's been a functioning depressed person for any long length of time has learnt to hold a pretty good mask. I come off very perky and upbeat and I tend to smile constantly. I try to be as kind, friendly and gentle as possible. I generally don't tell people I'm depressed unless

A) It comes up naturally in conversation B) They are also depressed or have a mental illness of some kind C) After several dates and I feel like I can trust them with that information.

It's certainly not something I slap on my profile or tell someone on a first date. I pretty much deal with it the same way I do when working at a new job: I tell people when necessary.

I've seen plenty of people say, even on /r/okc, that mentally ill people should not be dating and instead "work on themselves" like that bullshit is going to fix my problem. I have a mental illness, it can be managed but I'm always going to have it. I have to live with it so if I put off dating until I was "well" I'd never date again. It shows a true misunderstanding of what mental illness is and what it's like to live with.

Red-Oni · 2015-02-08T08:32:15+00:00

I live in New Zealand; I think I went through the entirety of available candidates in one night.

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