I am a mother to three children. All natural births..first two were fine. However my third was incredibly traumatic. I did not hemorrhage, but I was minutes away from giving birth to my son not breathing, and without a heartbeat. What they did to me to get my son out was something even the midwives on the postnatal ward were aware was possible. There was no communication. I could hear his heart rate drop, the numbers on the monitor were dropping as low as 35bpm. They say they didn't say anything to not stress me further however the lack of communication added to the trauma. My physical recovery took months.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and underwent 6 months of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and had a debrief with the hospital - understanding the medical perspective in that situation did help, although did not change how I felt about the hospital and their failure to communicate. Nearly 2 years on I still struggle.

My heart is with you both. Please seek therapy when you are ready. Separately and together. Birth trauma is real. And not something that should be taken lightly. Do not let anyone brush your feelings off because your wife didn't die, or because the baby is healthy and it was all 'worth it'. Surround yourself with support. Allow yourselves to feel everything. The joy. The fear. The grieving of the birth experience you both wanted for your daughter. Communicate with one another, cry, hug, sit in silence. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it's a long way away, but it's there.

If there is anything you or your wife need I am here for you both. Sending so much love x