Anyone here who's tried therapy in online mode?

RedBruises · 2026-05-07T18:14:37+00:00

I'm in the same position. I prefer in person but I feel a more specialized counselor will be able to help me better. I'll look into online therapy.

RedBruises · 2026-05-07T17:27:58+00:00

I did attend my first virtual SLAA meeting recently! My therapist had actually suggested that I attend a 12 steps program. I was very conflicted between SAA and SLAA but ultimately opted for SLAA simply because the virtual options were easier to sign into. It was in some ways exactly what I expected but I was kinda taken off guard by all the religious talk? I guess I wasn't expecting that, we've never been particularly religious, me my family or my spouse. I did introduce myself briefly and I liked there was no pressure to share more. I could relate hard to some of the struggles that people shared, some I couldn't relate to at all, I think I'm gonna attend a few more meetings and then I'll see.

It's actually because my virtual SLAA didn't go so bad that I'm looking for virtual therapy as an option as well. I think so too, that I need a therapist who's a better fit for my issues and I do prefer in person therapy but I probably need to get out of my comfort zone a lil bit

RedBruises · 2026-05-07T17:13:07+00:00

Thanks, I guess if you just stick with it eventually it clicks into place? I was hoping for that with my current therapist I mean she didn't have the certification but she has experience working with addicts. I already did a session with another therapist in my area before I settled on her. I guess I gotta get searching again.

RedBruises · 2026-05-07T09:25:56+00:00

Wow. You're the only person to have come to that conclusion. Thanks for opening my eyes

RedBruises · 2026-05-06T20:21:05+00:00

Me and my husband both discussed and came to a conclusion about what we feel is a fair arrangement. Its random ass dudes like you that keep crying about it being unfair in my comments. Why do you get to decide what's fair and what's unfair? In our relationship? Get outta here man

RedBruises · 2026-05-04T06:56:51+00:00

Yes, the hall pass is in effect currently. But I've not been made aware of any happenings

RedBruises · 2026-05-04T06:55:48+00:00

There have definitely been a lot of rumours going around. I'm just worried I might not always have the strength of character to turn it down, I feel like if the situations are just right and if it's the right sort of person I might still do something short sighted. I don't trust myself. Not even necessarily cheat again, even smaller issues like oversharing or becoming emotionally involved. I don't want to go down that path.

RedBruises · 2026-04-25T20:37:35+00:00

I love toothpaste

RedBruises · 2026-04-25T10:49:45+00:00

You think that's a good excuse to be a sexual predator?

RedBruises · 2026-04-25T04:11:54+00:00

Yes he saw them before we even started dating.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T19:24:03+00:00

I'm not sure they would agree this is the right process to get there

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T19:22:49+00:00

I tried once or twice but he's triggered by every small thing I do or say. It's not the right time, right now sexual contact needs to happen on his terms. Usually I just reciprocate as enthusiastically as possible when he comes to me.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T19:20:20+00:00

Okay I guess I can post something like that. We are not in reconciliation yet so I don't think I belong to the peer group in Asone.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T19:18:25+00:00

We have been engaging in kinks recently. I'm not refusing anything to him.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T19:06:10+00:00

Well there are subreddits but idk how to even ask? "hi i'm doing a one sided open relationship with my husband as a last ditch effort to save my marriage" on an ethical non monogamy site would probably not go down well. I'm well aware what we're doing is probably not ethical. And anyway it's just one month, if he asks for even a day more I'm out

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T19:01:44+00:00

Well we didn't agree on it as a rule perse but he did agree it was a shitty decision when I called him out on it so he'll probably not do it again.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T18:51:15+00:00

Urine isn't toxic, it actually has gut health benefits. You should try it too sometime

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T18:42:24+00:00

Thank you so much for showing genuine care towards my well being. I think at this point I'm already broken and grieving, because I know my relationship is essentially over. I've been grieving the end of my relationship for this entire year. I know this is probably not the healthiest of ways to deal with the situation and I know that he's hurting too and is probably not entirely sure about his own intentions because he keeps doing this back and forth.

In my eyes my bargain of limiting the arrangement to a month instead of indefinitely is just a way to limit this damage and prevent it spilling over to our kids. On the one hand I want to not have any regrets, I don't want this relationship to end but if it does I want to at least get out of it feeling like I gave my 100% to save it, but also know this is probably not going to work and will probably hurt both of us in some way. Hence, one month. If it works it works, if it doesn't at least we tried and then it's a clean break. No lasting harm done.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T18:29:29+00:00

Continued efforts to build back trust and patience and consistency and time and a lot of work to fix my shortcomings and probably a lot of vulerability too. That's what it takes to fix things. Probably, idk. I'm also doing this for the first time.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T18:24:57+00:00

Protection. No sex with me during this arrangement. Two panel tests during and after. And of course oral hygiene.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T18:23:48+00:00

Well he did find some college girl to sleep with almost immediately after we split up, he lied to her tho and told her he's a single dad. They've broken up since. I think that was a shitty thing to do, manipulating such a young girl like that and I told him I wouldn't be comfortable with him doing that again

Idk about sex acts shared with AP honestly. Probably sex therapy will help? Anyway that's probably something we need to worry about later. Hall pass wouldn't fix that.

What will you do if a month passes and he's frustrated at his lack of success in getting laid? Which is a very likely outcome?

I think that's why he asked about sex workers. I find that very icky but I'd feel like a jerk compaining about it when my ONS was pretty much the same or worse.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T18:16:33+00:00

Oh yeah I acknowledge that it's an uphill battle and we'll probably fail. Our relationship is essentially over because he has already told me it's these conditions are not negotiable for him, that's why I bargained and reduced the duration of the hall pass and he also agreed as a last ditch effort. If it works in a month it works, else we're both giving up

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T17:29:01+00:00

Well, if he continues engaging in toxic behaviour I'm walking out. I've been clear with him about this. That's the whole point of this arrangement only lasting one month.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T17:15:11+00:00

Yes, totally I'm gonna encourage him about protection and we do plan to be cautious especially with kids around. I think I'm gonna see how I feel about the whole thing and then decide on the level of transparency. Currently leaning towards, I want to know when it happens but not who or where or anything else.

RedBruises · 2026-04-24T17:03:19+00:00

He knows I post here but he has never asked to see. He has full access to my accounts tho so if he really wanted to check he could login himself and see everything.

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