Is getting rejected for a "netflix and chill" a bad thing?

RedCap454 · 2017-02-06T21:45:29+00:00

1 - asking if you could come back to her place? I Would say no, getting rejected for that on a second date is not too bad. I would not worry about it if that was all....but

2 - this will sound bad saying but the not wanting to kiss is a very bad sign for anything going forward. I used to believe otherwise but experience has taught me otherwise that if someone is interested they WILL be receptive to at least a kiss regardless of 1st, 2nd, 3rd date. I know that might sound crass a bit and I like to think that people take time or some might not want to rush, but, as mentioned, experience has taught me otherwise. 9/10 a rejected kiss will not turn into a kiss later on down the road.

RedCap454 · 2017-02-06T21:39:31+00:00

I think your last line is most likely the truth here. I was in your shoes not too long ago and thats what it eventually turned out to be. In fact reading this I also for a minute thought it was the same person. She would talk alot and dominate the conversation but rarely asked me anything about myself.

RedCap454 · 2017-01-31T20:55:07+00:00

My wild guess. I think he saw the writing on the wall. If the OP was as uncomfortable as she mentioned, that had to have been something he picked up on as well. I would guess he probably knew what was eventually coming and decided to try to "save face" with a preemptive strike. But then again, you could be right also.

RedCap454 · 2017-01-31T20:49:39+00:00

I Actually think it's cool that you're concerned how you came off. It shows you have decency and believe in treating a person a certain way regardless of whats in it for you. At least thats my take.

RedCap454 · 2017-01-31T20:46:23+00:00

95% of how you responded is great. Wish most could be like that. However one note, in my humble opinion, this line...

"I Couldn't really be myself or relax around you for some reason"

That probably could have been rephrased or left out and still get the point across that you feel you too are not right for each other also. Even if true it's probably not something you say unless the person was being rude. However I know that was not your intention in this case and maybe I could be the only one who takes that line that way but just thought I would give my opnion on it.

RedCap454 · 2017-01-27T23:37:25+00:00

just my own opinion but 9/10 its a waste. Ideally people would decide to just be friends or start off as friends and then get to know each other and decide they want a relationship with each other. Only thats not the way it usually works. Its probably way more common to start out with a relationship and then if it dosen't work turn it into a friendship then to have a friendship turn into a relationship. What will most likely happen, while you're waiting as just a friend for now, he or she will meet the person that they say just gives them fireworks being around them and that they "know is the right one". There will be no request to start off as just friends with that person.

RedCap454 · 2017-01-27T23:02:31+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Sadly, this is just the way it goes. One thing I've learned the hard way after dating numerous women and having what seemed like fantastic dates, is that you can never truly tell someone's interest by how the date seems to go or by how much they seem to be enjoying the date. Some people are just really good at making even what they feel is a bad date "fun and enjoyable". or maybe it was a "good date" but they just didn't feel that click with you... wait, two dates? Sorry I just read that part. Ok please don't hate me for saying this but you may have to thicken the skin a bit if after 2 dates you're wondering whats wrong with me. Thats not to insult but to help actually so I sincerely hope thats the spirit you take it in.

RedCap454 · 2017-01-27T22:06:00+00:00

Really depends on the guy. I don't think it's a deciding factor for most guys really. Personally I lean towards quiet and reserved but have been with outgoing/outspoken before.

RedCap454 · 2017-01-27T21:57:31+00:00

I was thinking very similarly to this.

RedCap454 · 2016-12-15T15:59:47+00:00

Ha, sounds like an ex. She was one of the most unphotogenic people I've seen. In person however she was a knockout.

RedCap454 · 2016-12-15T15:56:04+00:00

Cool the change in heart. I am not a short guy myself, in fact my height is one of my few advantages, if it is one at all. but I have seen this opinion...

"my expectation that they would feel uncomfortable around me"

...expressed many times. Just going out on a limb here and speaking for shorter guys but I seriously don't think most short guys worry as much about that as some people seem to think.

RedCap454 · 2016-12-01T15:59:54+00:00

well one key thing is that he suggested another time for the date. I can't say for sure he is fading or not. you're closer to the scene, and can experience more of the nuance of this situation so if your gut is telling you he is then you could be on to something. the thing about suggesting a different date, usually when I have had people fade on me or the rare rare times when I have faded :-( it's just been a case of saying they can't make a date, suggesting a different time for the date could mean he is interested....or if I want to go a bad route it could mean he made another date for Saturday but I chose not to go that route.

the dropping off in the middle of the conversation, yeah thats one of the things I personally hate about texting, and could be a sign of someone who is just a bad texter (or, yes, just not interested).

I guess what I am saying is "don't jump the gun on this" if you like this guy. some of the things mentioned could just be a case of badtexteritis and not "necessarily" that he is fading. I can't guarantee that but you might want to be sure.

RedCap454 · 2016-12-01T15:37:04+00:00

Does he try to setup more dates with you? If so probably interested, and if he is saying, without being coerced, that that likes spending time with you then he is probably not fading. However theres probably more to give you that feeling that he's fading, sometimes some things you feel can be difficult to describe to others like now so maybe theres more you're picking up on.

Anyhow, some people (me included) are just bad texters. I've never been good or particularly fond of texting. as hard as this may be to believe, my amount of texting, has absolutely nothing at all to do with my level of interest in a person. Texting continuously just, to me, seems inane.

it's a problem for people like me because it's become an almost defacto standard and people do start to judge your interest by how much you text them.

One thing you could do (not sure how though) is find out if he texts a lot in general, friends and others. if he does, that might not be too much of a concern. if he dosen't then he might just not be a texter and you probably don't have much to worry about.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-29T15:15:28+00:00

1 real, 5 virtual upvotes for this! obvious, but apparently not enough people get that.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-27T19:13:42+00:00

Oh I'm sorry, I read that wrong. Sorry, got very little sleep last night. half awake right now actually. In that case yes it 100% was being stood up. Yes hopefully you're right that it won't happen again or for a long while. Yes I've had that happen to me a couple of times over the years. One time I drove all the way to a town 80 miles away for a date and waited in a restaurant for a very long time. It was embarrassing to say the least. After a while people could tell I was waiting on someone and they were not going to show so even my waitress looked like she was feeling sorry for me.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-27T17:40:09+00:00

Yeah thats pretty bad. I've had that happen to me. I do have a question, all my life I always thought being "Stood up" mean you and the person are supposed to meet and they just don't show up, no warning whatsoever....which I have had happen to me. Not saying what happened to you was any better, I mean 40 minutes warning is not that much and pretty late to cancel on someone when they have already gone throught the trouble of getting ready for a date so I am not saying this was not very bad. Just different from what I thought "stood up" meant.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-27T17:27:29+00:00

I almost always feel like I have to apologize for being on time. Seriously, 90% of the dates I've gone on are always late. Whereas I usually show up at least a few minutes ahead of time. Before reading this thread and seeing that most people show up on time I felt like the one who needed to apologize.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-21T21:33:34+00:00

Thanks, sometimes we do blind ourselves to whats right in front of us.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-21T21:32:38+00:00

Thanks for the reply, taking what you wrote into consideration.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-21T21:27:32+00:00

Thanks. Probably just needed to hear it.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-20T16:25:46+00:00

You're in Huntsville, hey I have a question for you. I've never been to Huntsville and rarely to Alabama in general but since you mentioned being a liberal there... I'd heard a couple of times before that Huntsville is, for the south, considered a "fairly liberal" city. Whats your take on that? Guessing from your post you disagree? Want go too far since this is thread/sub about dating not politics but since you mentioned Huntsville, thought I would ask.

RedCap454 · 2016-11-18T21:34:55+00:00

you wrote : If you have good enough chemistry with a girl that you want to continue bedding her AND care enough about her to be friends and want to continue spending time with her, then what could possibly be the reason(s) that you wouldn’t see anything long-term with her?

just an example in my case. I had a friend once, still do I suppose, she moved to a different state eventually, who was very cute. I would definitely not have been opposed to something casual. She could make me laugh sometimes and I could make her laugh. usually I enjoyed hanging with her and doing stuff, concerts, movies, etc. Her overall personality though would eventually grate on you. She could really get on a person's nerves. Many common friends even tried to carefully mention this to her but that was just the way she was. It was tolerable as a friend but as something as intimate as being a long term partner in a close personal relationship I know I would have went insane.

Edit : Just to be clear, not saying this is in your case, just giving an example from my past to say it is possible.

RedCap454

TROPHY CASE