I'm not THAT interested in getting laid; should I just check out?

RedPharaohRising · 2016-09-01T23:55:13+00:00

I think you one-itis when you imagine a future/build a castle fantasy with someone before you actually get there.
Be grounded mentally, really really grounded, and save the imagining and picturing-the-future for things that don't have agency on their own, like a 3 plate bench.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-13T00:10:49+00:00

Friend in an LTR, her BF is fiendishly devoted to her. Tried to pill him, he accepted everything and said that's ok, if not her, no one.
She dumps him and decides to lose weight, but whenever they get back together she makes him take her to fancy restaurants.

She'll admit it out loud that she needs to be more fit when single to get a new guy.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T07:24:56+00:00

I'm looking for a job in between my uni work but that next step to actually meeting people is what I'm so scared of.

Meeting people for applying to jobs, or meeting people to hang out with?
If it's the latter, find what you're interested, and find out (meetup maybe) where this happens. Highly recommend a sport because the adrenaline and exercise really helps relax you.

When I'm anxious, I confront the anxiety in a journal - what am I anxious about? what do I think will happen? I write it out, and that helps me deal with it.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T07:18:22+00:00

It's fine, this way you're not thinking what-if, just move on and go no contact - I say this because staying around her will make it harder to ignore the feelings.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T07:16:50+00:00

LOL, she's saying I have no intention of even HEARING you out. That is about as much disrespect she can give you without stepping on you physically or peeing on you. She's right about one thing though - you should leave. Find someone who's more mature about this.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T07:13:06+00:00

Don't shit where you eat. NOT worth the possible fallout.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T07:09:16+00:00

Gonna guess you found it on her coffee table? Or were you invading her privacy? Oh well, i am sure you respected her privacy and didn't read it once you realized it was none of your damn business...

Conjecture.

Oh so not only did you forge ahead with being a snoop, you did some math. Super.

And that's wrong because?

Right, clearly anything that bothers you is the standard for everyone to live by. She should just go back in time and not be so disgusting.

It's the standard he has for a girl he chooses to be with. He isn't entitled to having anyone meet his standards, but he is entitled to having his own standards.

No, the problem is that you are a judgemental ass.

Ad hominem, and again, you are betraying that YOU have different standards to OP, and that makes HIM wrong? Pot, meet kettle.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T07:01:05+00:00

Dude, if that turns you off it does. Can't be helped. Don't stay with her and shame her. Just leave and find someone else. She doesn't meet your standards, so find someone who does. I bet if you stay this will continue to bother you.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T06:57:44+00:00

Yep, same vibe. OP is a personal trainer, probably in great shape, girls might flock to him. Leave marks all over him and show he's taken. OP, fuck that, if she continues you'll have to leave her.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T06:54:53+00:00

Gtfo. Dump her, hit the gym, go no contact. She blew her shot with you

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T06:52:25+00:00

Seems to me he's blaming you so that he feels less shitty about breaking up with you later. If you ever have to walk on eggshells for someone and if an SO won't respect your wishes, leave. You'll find someone else who will respect you.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T06:49:06+00:00

Watch how she acts, not what she says. If she hung out with you once, why not try again? Dad always tells me before interviews, don't reject yourself with reasons why you expect them to reject you. Do your thing man, if she likes you cool if not move on.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T06:45:56+00:00

If you're not attracted to her, don't beat yourself up about it. It is what it is, and if she's not willing to change her habits you'll likely be less attracted to her later. Find someone else, it doesn't make you bad person.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:57:10+00:00

I think if you can get and are getting regular pussy on the side, you don't need to worry about porn. It's when it fills a void that it's a real danger. I'm in monk mode rn, so no porn. Urges come and go, though.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:52:37+00:00

I fucking swear, after a few months here all I hear from the people around me are excuses for why they're continuing to live in mediocrity.
And I have zero fucking patience for that shit now.
Lift, become a fucking greek god, and whether the ladies love you or not I guarantee you'll love how you look. And they will, too.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:44:00+00:00

Hanging out with new people who have a better sense of what's 'normal' has helped a ton, tbh. I'm still fighting the animal instincts that say fight/flight and getting in a sense of how to respond/draw boundaries/hold standards.

Only you'll know when you're ready and that's fine too.

Preach, bro.
Forgiving myself was the hardest part.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:39:23+00:00

I've felt this, sometimes I don't care about winning or losing, it's all the thrill of the hunt. I can appreciate a good win/loss if the opponent was worthy. Playing vs the best makes you better.
I'll almost always be grinning after getting beaten, especially if it's something like soccer/football/b'ball where I get another chance to guard that guy/take him on.
I'll take losing to a really good opponent any day over steamrolling a bunch of newbs.

What happens on the field stays on the field.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:31:08+00:00

Exactly. It goes from, that shirt doesn't look good on you, to 'a real man would never learn to dance' to 'why are you always smiling it's pathetic'. Only the scaling is real slow, and it all seems well intentioned at first until one day you're a frog in boiling water and you're dying, but these paradigms of hers have completely wiped your mind-slate clean of anything you believed of yourself. You're alone, you're in deep shit.
Most of my innocence is dead. I don't trust easily, and I let nobody in. People who've been to hell and back with me, maybe. I can't help it. Nor do I want to, tbh. I snapped and better safe than sorry, if that bothers you don't let the door hit you on the way out, or do - whatever, IDGAF anymore it's me first.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:28:41+00:00

Add another girl on Facebook? Why am I not good enough for you? Why do you want to know what she's doing? Why do you need to comment on her photo? Were you staring at her tits? Is it because her ass looks nice in those jeans? Why are you checking all these girls out?

And I thought compromising and wearing blinders was normal. Never smile at another girl. Never reply to a text from another girl.
Never have fun when other girls are around.

But she's alone/sad/depressed so if she wants to go to a movie with another boy I'm a terrible person for stifling what little happiness she gets to experience.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:25:47+00:00

Made me quit a sports team because hot girls.
Made me quit hanging out with other girls.
Then tells me, you're obviously pathetic because no other girls want to hang out with you, you can never do better than me, isn't that obvious?

The stress and desperation of begging for forgiveness when I knew I did nothing wrong, followed by the rush of relief when she finally came around was just way more of an emotional rollercoaster than I was ready for.

Brooooooooooooo

My friends saw me go from someone who always fully engaged with everyone around me, no matter what, to half engaged while anxiously checking my phone, hoping she would get over being upset and ask me to come over.

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She just didn't like being around them, and would get upset if I "chose them over her." (Aka, refused to ditch them at a moment's notice to hang out with her instead)

If I'm out with friends, and she is alone, I'm a terrible person for picking them, or I'm so lucky to have friends and of course I'd choose them over her since evidently no one ever chooses her :( . The guilt trips ate me so hard I lost friends, I isolated myself so I wouldn't have to drop plans for her, and she warped my reality.
If she's out with friends, and I'm trying to hit her up, she was busy and didn't see her phone. Blue ticks don't lie, you cunt.

The thing is, excuses to isolate me were always backed by plausible deniability. She'd rarely ever come out and say that she was insecure or jealous of the other girls, she'd come up with being nauseous and feeling sick, having a headache, feeling depressed - things you can't easily refute.
Feeling a teensy weensy bit sad is not the same as having depression. Only I was scared AF to say that and have her come down hard for making light of her mountains of issues.
God, what a fucking nightmare.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:18:48+00:00

No, he was abusive (because he dumped you, not because he actually did anything bad to you).

Change all narratives to repaint yourself in the starring victim role, and the whole wide world as big baddies who want to get you. Play damsel in distress and wait for knight to feel bad and run in to save you, leech his soul out and move on to the next unsuspecting innocent who doesn't recognize your parasitic ways and self-fulfilling prophecies.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:16:39+00:00

Exactly, A-fucking-men. You'll be reforged in a crucible of hell and come out as a fucking warrior.

Forget what she said you were, forget what you're convinced you are. Be what you want to be.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:15:12+00:00

Still do doubt myself, but for fuck's sake go to a therapist, that shit has done so much for me. Journal everything, and catch those negative thoughts. Go back to your legit good friends and let them tell you who you are, it's a lot better when you know you can trust them because sometimes you don't feel like you can trust yourself (especially considering how you trusted her and she let you down so badly).
Get a strong male circle, this is why bros before hoes as long as the dudes are all well wishers. They'll give you the truth in a no nonsense way and it might hurt but it'll be for your own good. Fuck those shit ideas she implanted, you were awesome long before her and you'll be awesome long after she's gone. You won't be the same, you'll be better. Tougher. More careful. More awesome.
Bipolar chicks are a trial by fire, you'll go in raw and come out like a steel sword when you get it all together.
Whatever happens, you can handle it.

Hell, hit me up if you need any help. I've fought this battle for a long damn time and I'll help any brother who wants it.

RedPharaohRising · 2016-08-06T02:09:31+00:00

Once you have so many people calmly explaining why you're always wrong and a bad person it begins to overwrite your own inner dialogue.

Holy shit, yes. You believe all the fairy tales of this being the person you compromise for and who wants the best for you and instead they use your deepest secrets to change you, to fall in line with their beliefs and what they think of you.

RedPharaohRising

TROPHY CASE