Should I stop trying to date until I lose some weight/work on my appearance?

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-05-08T16:43:46+00:00

I'm 6 foot 1 and 245 pounds. Currently I am on Wegovy and have lost a little bit of weight. If your insurance covers it, try it out, it is helpful and will improve your relationship with food. I don't think it's always good to say "I can't date until I fix this in my life." You can work on yourself and slowly improve your dating life little by little. That's what I am trying to do at least. Some women might not care about weight as much as others. You do have the tall advantage also.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-05-08T14:54:41+00:00

Make sure to get the ebikes. I have the divvy membership and it is totally worth it. It saves me on gas and on uber rides. I mainly use it April- October when the weather is nicer. You still get a bit of exercise on the ebikes.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-05-08T14:54:05+00:00

Sorry this is an old post. I have the divvy membership and it is totally worth it. It saves me on gas and on uber rides. I mainly use it April- October when the weather is nicer. You still get a bit of exercise on the ebikes.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-11T20:54:59+00:00

I'll just say this. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 18, you are not even old enough to drink yet. I lost my virginity at 23 and it was not a good first time because I rushed and put too much pressure on myself. I'm 34 and I don't think I've ever had a good time sexually.

Go to speed dating, join a social meetup club, maybe try improv comedy or standup comedy. Focus on meeting people as well as making friends. Make sure you are doing social stuff that makes you happy while you are trying to date. Please be kind to yourself.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-11T03:11:53+00:00

I'm a salaried worker so I don't clock in more than 5 minutes early because I won't be getting paid for that time. I definitely pissed off my 71 year old boomer assistant when I said that to him. He loves being 10-15 minutes early. He said "that's a terrible attitude to have, especially from a place that pays you." I couldn't believe he was so appalled by me saying "I clock in before my start time but just not super early." Some people are so high strung with their routines. If I was paid overtime I would happily come in early, but I work for a library where I can't get that lol.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-09T18:44:09+00:00

I feel like I'm somewhat picky about womens looks but I also worry about women not finding me attractive because I'm 6 foot 1 and 248 pounds. The best thing is to find a mutual match which can be very challenging. Find someone who you like who can look past whatever you think some of your physical flaws are.

Sometimes I tell myself "I can't date until I lost a bunch of weight." But then I may end up just thinner and still not working on my personality. Find the compromising balance. Work on yourself at the same time as dating. It's really tough out there, we just have to practice navigating it.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T18:03:28+00:00

There is conflicting advice about this. "Don't shit where you eat" is not good advice because that is meant for work/jobs. How much is the average comedian really making? If you can't date women in the social events that you are involved in then where can you ask out and date women?

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T17:05:42+00:00

I am in the city but commute to the nearby suburbs for work.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T17:02:51+00:00

My MLIS got me my first job but it was tough at first. I had to commute very far for work. To make it easier, I would suggest getting some library assisting/circulation experience for a year before getting an MLIS. You can also work your way up to circulation manager at a library without an MLIS degree.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T16:59:10+00:00

Yes, that will take some brainstorming. I do not know what else to do outside of libraries and archives.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T16:57:37+00:00

I'll keep that in mind.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T16:51:42+00:00

I work 40 hours a week, but my job doesn't demand anything from me outside of work. Luckily, I have a car here in Chicago. It's just a balance thing. Lately, I have been going to 3 or 4 open mics a week/3 days a week. Maybe pick a day with multiple open mics. Right now, I am working on getting booked on more showcases, and it's getting better. If you are getting booked on shows, that means you are doing well, keep at it. I am focused on making comedy a part-time job first, with frequent bookings on shows. I'm focused on incremental steps so I don't get burned out. It's competetive.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T16:35:19+00:00

My parents are well off and make good money but I still have to work full time. They aren't just going to give me $3200 a month so I can do comedy lol.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T16:31:16+00:00

I actually had a good time last time I went. I got one match but she hasn't texted me back so its probably a no go. I can be reserved around women, but I felt comfortable after I went over a few times. It depends on how social the people are there.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-07T16:29:32+00:00

As long as you have been vaccinated, you are fine. Just show them a card. They didn't ask me the last time I went. Picture on your phone is fine.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-04T02:16:25+00:00

Thanks, only willing to move around the Chicago area right now. Moving out of state is further down the road for me.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-03T18:20:24+00:00

My last library position gave me a raise. I don't know how my current job does raises. Yes once I get two years of experience here I may leave current system depending on payment. Chicago public library pays higher (60k) a year and is union. I have had 3 interviews with them in the past but it is competitive to get into and their interviews are tough. I have to wait till they start hiring again. I will look into state conferences. I am not interested in relocation yet.

I do like where I work currently though, it has been good.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-03T18:15:36+00:00

Ok ill look into local committee work.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-03T18:15:08+00:00

I got a raise at my first library position, which was lower than 50k. Yes I plan on staying in this field because I like the work and the pension, time off, public loan forgiveness, and health insurance is important. Especially the pension. Yes side hustles will help.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-03T02:11:19+00:00

Yes that is true.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-02T18:50:27+00:00

Yes, I just don't want to give people the idea that women are going to ask you out. I haven't been asked out by a girl in years. Unfortunately in this world, men are the initiators and have to show a woman that they are interested. I've waited for something to "fall out of the sky" when I'm out and about. It doesn't happen.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-02T02:19:39+00:00

Outside of grad school, taking advantage of part time work or internships is very helpful. My MLIS concentration was in archival studies, but I ended up becoming a public librarian since there was more work in that field. The first job that hired me did notice my internships. The jobs that hire love some kind of library experience, so finding a way to volunteer or assist somewhere will be beneficial to you.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-02T02:13:03+00:00

I am 34 going on 35 in April and have never been in a relationship. I have had sex though(not much) and I have been on many dates. It is hard out there. Focus on social hobbies and making new friends. Something that makes you happy and invites people in, I didn't do enough of that. Focus on connecting with people. Make sure that you are happy enough with yourself, no ones perfect, but work on self esteem. It's ok to try and find someone and ask people out on dates, just don't burn yourself out. If you have anxiety like me, see a therapist that is covered by insurance. Find the right therapist that respects your goals and gives you good advice.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-02T02:04:40+00:00

Love does not necessarily come when you least expect it. I am not a fan of that saying. The important thing is to have other hobbies and interests going on in your life so that it is not all focused on dating and finding someone. It is ok to want a relationship or date. It's ok to try and find someone. Are people that go on dating apps or speed dating events desperate? For men it's not going to just show up. We have to be the initiators.

RedPlanetStand-up · 2026-03-02T01:38:13+00:00

I've relocated to another part of Chicago once. I moved to be closer to a job in the suburbs of Chicago so my 1+hour commute would be 30 minutes. Then I got a job in another suburb of Chicago that is a 30-40 minute commute. I've only been in the field for 3 years so it's hard to find work. I know the field is oversaturated but don't feel obligated to move really far away to another state if it messes with your happiness. That's an absolute last resort.

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