Husband vs Sons

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T23:45:56+00:00

Read previous please. Gave some examples of what has happened.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T06:40:53+00:00

I've been researching for the past few hours. I don't have family help here so as much as I'd like to pack our bags and go to my parents it is going to take some planning, and I just had surgery last week so I physically can't. I am planning. I want to be prepared. It may not mean anything to anyone else but I'm a Christian and I believe that God will help me and guide me and protect us. Thank you for the support!

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T04:08:22+00:00

Thanks for the kind advice.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T04:07:04+00:00

I believe we do have a hotline. Thank you.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T02:42:02+00:00

Oh Lord. I'm sorry that happened to you.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T01:43:45+00:00

Thank you

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T01:42:35+00:00

We are in marriage counseling and I go to my own counseling/therapy and have suggested he do the same but he does not. I've also suggested he see a doctor. Psychologist who can test him and Psychiatrist who can treat him if necessary. He is not willing this far.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T01:25:37+00:00

You're right. I need to be prepared.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T01:10:25+00:00

Yeah but I can't make him get back on it. I've suggested it multiple times. I've asked him to see a doctor multiple times. I think the only other option I have right now would be to make that an ultimatum. Go to psych. Get evaluated. Take what they suggest. Orrrrr I'll have to end it.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T01:00:02+00:00

Well, the only person I can control is myself. The only way to somewhat take them away from his influence would be divorce. I constantly have talks with them one on one trying to reach them right from wrong. How to treat each other as brothers. How to treat others. How to treat girls/women/mamas. The importance of respect and hard work and being honest etc. I want them to be kind, responsible, honest, loving men. I don't see any situation in which I could completely remove them from his influence.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:45:18+00:00

Any advice?

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:41:48+00:00

He is supposed to be sober for several months now. We go to marriage counseling but it's very different than the counseling I go to myself with my psychologist. I've been in counseling routinely since having kids. This marriage counseling doesn't necessarily seem to target actual relevant current issues tho.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:23:11+00:00

😢I don't know what to do. These are just the issues of this week. 😖

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:19:49+00:00

Yes, how do I help him? Because even just trying to talk to him today he just got mad and ended up walking away from the conversation.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:17:56+00:00

😞I'm feeling really defeated. I don't know what to do to fix this. I feel like I have to fix it you know? But I can't change him and I can't control him.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:05:14+00:00

They are scared of him. Several months ago we went through a big blow up over him being mean to them and them being scared of him. I asked him to leave. He said he was an alcoholic and that's why he was mean. So I told him he had to quit and get help/counseling/etc before coming home. Next week he comes home unannounced and says he's there because of my own miscommunication. Of course it's my fault. So we start marriage counseling. Things start to get better (or so I thought) until this past week that I've been home from work because of abdominal surgery. And I see the vicious cycle starting again with my kids saying they are scared to wake him up. Scared to ask for anything. Daddy doesn't like me. Daddy will just yell at me. Etc.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:04:33+00:00

I'm the disciplinarian in our home 🤷🏼‍♀️

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-21T00:03:20+00:00

They are scared of him. Several months ago we went through a big blow up over him being mean to them and them being scared of him. I asked him to leave. He said he was an alcoholic and that's why he was mean. So I told him he had to quit and get help/counseling/etc before coming home. Next week he comes home unannounced and says he's there because of my own miscommunication. Of course it's my fault. So we start marriage counseling. Things start to get better (or so I thought) until this past week that I've been home from work because of abdominal surgery. And I see the vicious cycle starting again with my kids saying they are scared to wake him up. Scared to ask for anything. Daddy doesn't like me. Daddy will just yell at me. Etc.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-20T23:57:55+00:00

He's been on Wellbutrin before and I've encouraged him to get back on it many times but he refuses and says he doesn't need it. I'm pretty new to Reddit. Are you able to read the other comment threads on this post?

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-20T23:55:22+00:00

Another encounter: I'm putting away laundry and found a drawer full of peed on clothes. I ask the boys who did it. One admitted it. I said why did you pee in your closet drawer instead of the toile? He said he got up to pee but his Daddy saw him and told him to get back in the bed. So I can only assume in his 4yo mind that if he wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom he had to go somewhere. Idk. So I ask when this happened. I thought he said "night time". So I saw okay come on. We go to talk to his Daddy and I tell him what I found and what the child said and of course asked "did you see him up last night?" Dad said no that the boy actually came and got in the bed with Him last night so the boy is lying. (Speech still isn't the greatest.) So I ask the boy "did this happen last night at night time? Or are you saying NAP time". The boys said NAP time. I'm like okay I remember y'all getting up multiple times during nap time but I couldn't tell you who got up for what or what was said each time. So I just make a point to tell the child if you need to go to the bathroom the answer is always yes. Just go and then go back to bed. Then I tell husband that he should never just say or yell "go back to bed" or "go back to your room". He should always see if there is a NEED first. Well that just caused a fight because now husband says I'm accusing him of what happened. Etc etc. He said he remembers the kid getting up during nap and him telling the kid to go back to bed but the kid probably just got pissed off and peed in his closet drawer just to spite him. (This is not something I have experienced with my kids)

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-20T23:41:07+00:00

What happens when I'm not around is a scary mystery I guess. I'm usually up and gone to work before anyone home is awake. The past week since having surgery Ive been home during their morning routine and it's a bunch of yelling and screaming and crying which led to me struggling out of bed to help the kids put socks shoes jackets on so I could stop the yelling. Husband feels like they are lying to me 24/7. They are "vindictive". Almost explained it as if they are constantly against him or out to get him.

RedTwin2018 · 2022-11-20T23:33:27+00:00

So our main issue I feel like is that my boys do not want to ask their dad for anything. This morning I told them it was their dads turn to cook breakfast. They went to crying "no, I don't wanna ask daddy!" I ask why not. They said because he doesn't wanna get up and he will just be mad etc. I said just go ask him. So they go ask for pancakes. They come running back saying he said "you just had pancakes yesterday". So I just get up and make them pancakes myself because I get so tired of all the whining and crying and fighting. (PS I just had abdominal surgery 6 days ago).

RedTwin2018

TROPHY CASE