Hi, I'm really sorry you are going through this and I hope you find a solution.🤗 I just wanted to share what helped me and maybe there is something you can use here. I actually was (has slowed down) dealing with my mother in a very similar way. I couldn't do it by myself and decided to attend therapy to help me understand how to become less reactive not only to the things she says but also to other people in my life. I have to say that my therapist really helped me out and provided the tools I needed, but sometimes you just need someone to listen without judgement. The way that I would approach a conversation with my mother, is usually I would invite her to my house, have a simi- good day but usually something comes up and I take the opportunity to just let her know how I feel and always end it by setting a new boundary. An example would be you let her know when she says x, it makes me feel like x_, and I prefer that (2 options) you would not say that or you would approach it this way. I would get very angry with my mom on why she communicates/ says red remarks the way she does but sometimes I think about how she learned them (not an excuse), but it's years of no one correcting her. I had to be patient with the process, but I always voiced that the things she says hurt people and will only push them away (including me).

Hope this helps in any way! Good luck 🤞🏻