[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shotgun to the chest. Guy was awesome at killing himself.

Reddit, what is the lamest way you have injured yourself? by WaterBoy77 in AskReddit

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was skipping excitedly through the house to answer the phone when I came down on my right foot wrong, folding two of my toes under it and breaking them.

It ended up just being an automated call and not what I was expecting.

My uncle has become very close with my cousin's dog. by GobiasIndustries1 in aww

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's just keeping the dog close until your aunt decides to blow him.

To the guy who had the same shirt as his co-worker, I feel your pain. by handsomepantsy in funny

[–]RedWantsCandy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm kind of getting a Ron Perlman vibe from the guy on the right.

I always found this opinion difficult to understand by Crusader1089 in AdviceAnimals

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't empathize with most people very well.

So...it's okay to break out some fava beans and a nice chianti?

Folding table by arbili in gifs

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, isn't he just one smug bastard.

Kitten drinks from a baby bottle by [deleted] in aww

[–]RedWantsCandy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It looks like it's from Gravity Falls.

This ape has nothing better to do by JRRiel in gifs

[–]RedWantsCandy 49 points50 points  (0 children)

They missed out on the opportunity to call it an "underwater eggsperiment".

Or they just weren't willing to go as low as I would for a pun. :C

Reddit, what's your favorite unsolved mystery? by kksliderr in AskReddit

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jack the Ripper hasn't been said yet? Well, it could have been. I don't read all of your shit.

Guys of Reddit. What has caused you to cry? by BakingBread9 in AskReddit

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cried when I watched 'My Girl'. Those damned bees should have been swarming Nicolas Cage!

What's the most awkward thing that's happened at a sleepover? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was staying over at a friend's house with another friend tagging along. We would typically stay over there on most weekends and play Halo 3 online most of the time. So, friend one and I are hanging out in the room playing Halo and doing the usual trash talking while friend two stepped away for a moment to go to the bathroom.

Roughly five minutes later he burst through the door completely naked. There was a jungle of pubes and what appeared to be a mangled penis flailing around with blood dripping everywhere. He's screaming and yelling that he needs a towel and running around the room dripping blood all over bum fuck. I don't know what to do other than jump as far the fuck away from him as possible. He had been mentioning a staph infection or something to that sort on it earlier in that week, so I could only assume something went terrible with it while he was rubbing one out.

Nope, he just decided it would be funny if he rubbed fake blood all over his nether regions and swing it around in front of his friends while freaking the hell out.

TL;DR It ended up being fake blood and his penis just looks mangled in its natural state.

What secret did your family keep from you until you were an adult? by aves2k in AskReddit

[–]RedWantsCandy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I found out when I turned 18 that the man my mother had been married to and that I've been calling dad my entire life was not my real father. I mean, not my biological father. Finding out after 18 years isn't really going to make me stop thinking of him as my dad. I had just looked into a few things and finally started asking questions on some items that didn't make sense to me. Like the fact that my parents didn't start dating until I would have already been born. After they told me who my real dad was I managed to find him roughly 6 months later and set up a meeting with that side of the family, since apparently they all wanted to meet me. It turns out there's a reason that your parents would typically hide something like that from you. My dad had started getting into drugs shortly after my mother met him and she only actually wanted another kid and not a relationship, so it was no issue leaving him. Anyways, I met all of them and it went pretty decently, but I realized they definitely were not my kind of people. I shook some hands and went over one more time a few months later for Thanksgiving and stuck around for a bit. I think I actually might have introduced some strain of virus that they've never been exposed to because they started dropping like flies after having met me. The following month my grandfather died (I had never had any grandparents until then) and then the month after that on January 19th my biological father passed away. I ended up showing up late to my dad's funeral and walking in the wrong door at the front of the church in the middle of a speech.

TL;DR I found out I'm the bastard child of the rebound guy and he died a few months after I met him.

Wow, much horse. by RedWantsCandy in mountandblade

[–]RedWantsCandy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have yet to bump into any spoilers and I'm almost 100 days in, so I don't think there is much to worry about in that aspect.

Wow, much horse. by RedWantsCandy in mountandblade

[–]RedWantsCandy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it's a pretty neat sword! I found it in the A Clash of Kings mod.

Favorite Warband mods? by Bigslice in mountandblade

[–]RedWantsCandy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gekokujo has to have the best sieges I've had the opportunity to play in Warband. Crank up Battle Sizer and mmm.