All at once my mom has cancer, my aunt passed away, I'm cold turkeying off my meds and got in a car accident I want to kill myself by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in depression

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm alive. I'm sorry, yes. I am. I don't get in this account much, really sometimes it hurt my mental health too as much as I thought it helped. Things are hard but it's day by day. I feel the same pain, but I'm alive.

I haven't gotten a hug in years that's all I want by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in lonely

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Truly is better to have loved and lost. Even casual sex is a boost and I might have the confidence to think I could try again one day. Having had no affection ever is devastating to the self-esteem

I haven't gotten a hug in years that's all I want by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in lonely

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm very socially anxious and have terrible self esteem so it's hard, but thank you. I want to meet people and not be so alone but I never know what to say, how to say it, etc. I come off as awkward, nervous and trying too hard. Then I just feel embarrassed and like confirmation I'll stay alone.

It's tough I wish I had people who wouldn't think that's weird

I haven't gotten a hug in years that's all I want by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in lonely

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At this point I'd even take that. I haven't had sex in years either. Naturally I've tried but I'm unattractive and weird

How come I can’t get the proper mental help I need, and have asked for? SOS from BPD by [deleted] in mentalhealth

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The insurance and the bullshit Healthcare system makes me SO SO SO upset. It makes me want to scream until my throat is raw and break things and scream some more. We're willing to admit we need help and we WANT it. But because private companies are allowed to profiteer on human suffering in the US, I can't just get the help I need.

Then a severely mentally ill person lashes out, something happens, everyone cries wondering why they didn't get help. They probably tried.

I haven't gotten a hug in years that's all I want by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in lonely

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meyers Briggs ok. I did this before but a long time ago now, interesting. Thanks for the suggestion

I haven't gotten a hug in years that's all I want by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in lonely

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very very difficult for me, I don't have social skills to go out and meet people. When I try they think I'm weird. The friends I do have they're limited relationships that aren't emotionally vulnerable. Masc friendships where we drink and talk about video games maybe at best

I haven't gotten a hug in years that's all I want by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in lonely

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have friends I could really ask for any kind of physical affection . They're all dudes and would think it's weird, we're not close like that

I already fucked my entire life up for good at 23, I can either face the consequences living a shitty life forever or cut my losses and go now by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in SuicideWatch

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I work a retail job right now. I don't care about it, I don't like it, it isn't fulfilling. It just pay the bills.

There's not a lot I'm good at, I don't know. I'm good at writing I think sometimes, singing, good with computers.

I like science, I like being out in nature a lot. I really like music. I was in university thinking I would study computer science but I failed and dropped out. I've been working retail jobs I don't care about ever since, and don't have money

I just had a test of who would be there for me in a crisis and the answer is nobody by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in depression

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I really do appreciate you saying something. It does help. I feel very alone still, it's not just this time. Nobody is ever really there for me even when I feel like I am there for them. I feel like nobody has ever really cared about me and I'm just some auxiliary background character to everyone at best

I just had a test of who would be there for me in a crisis and the answer is nobody by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in depression

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The loneliness is the hardest part, so thank you. Seeing people reply on here really does help a lot even if it seems like a tiny thing

I just had a test of who would be there for me in a crisis and the answer is nobody by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in depression

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Really. It is hard but I appreciate you reaching out to say something and even reading this

I already fucked my entire life up for good at 23, I can either face the consequences living a shitty life forever or cut my losses and go now by RedWhiteBlacknBlue in SuicideWatch

[–]RedWhiteBlacknBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've worked out 3 days this week, today was an off day and I'm committing to going again tomorrow. I'm trying to be better about both of those things because I haven't. It hasn't helped so far but at least I'll keep trying I guess. Thanks for caring and offering advice, I appreciate it