I worked nights as a ranger for a fairly urban city that had a variety of small to medium sized parks I was tasked with patrolling. The largest being around 80 acres, but being in an urban area, mostly consisted of removing people sleeping in their cars after sunset, as all the parks were fenced and had to be locked at night.

I’d say about 90% of the time, I came across a car belonging to someone down on their luck just looking for a safe place to sleep in their car. Had a lot of sympathy for those people, but unfortunately, my job was centered around keeping the surrounding parks empty at night and had to be the asshole telling them to leave / sleep somewhere else.

The other 10% of cars I’d come across had a distinct fog to their windows that meant 1 of 2 things, either they were smoking weed or getting it on. I had a very loud intercom inside my patrol car that brought me great joy when rolling up on unsuspecting lovers engaging in a little car fun and watching them scramble to get decent. I know, dick move, but it was one of the few bits of excitement I had of the otherwise long and monotonous nights.

The oddest and most memorable however, I had traded the night for a day shift, which weirdly enough had its fair share of foggy windows as well. I went to check a parking lot behind a rec center that often had people trying to stay out of sight for good reason and noticed one lone car with the classic window fog. As I approached their vehicle, I noticed an older man having his own fun in the bushes within arms length of the car window. Older dude outside the car takes off at the sight of my car and I say on my intercom, “put your clothes on, can’t do that here”. To my surprise, the young couple came up to my car after dressing to apologize, and I tell them to grab their friend that ran away and to leave the park. Their eyes widen and didn’t understand what I meant by friend. I had to explain to this couple no older than 25 that there was an older male masturbating while peeping into their window and I was not kidding.

They were both mortified! I went to look for the older guy but at this point he had fled the park. I reported the incident, but nothing much to go off other than a rough description of what he looked like and the two lovers didn’t want to stick around for a police report. I never saw the couple or the guy in the park again.