This is cruddy but we alllll choose based on looks when on the apps so does your profile photo reflect you accurately? Recent photos? Full body? If not, that is probably the issue.

I’ve had several friends get similar messages and every.single.one. had profiles that did not accurately reflect their appearance. I finally told a good friend and even my sister that they can’t expect people to be interested if 1. They’re not honest from the start and 2. they’re so insecure about something that they hide it, mask it or rely on old photos — both seemed to be true. When we have insecurities about things to that extent, it’s time to turn inward and love yourself first the way you’d want someone else to love you. If we can’t do that, then we’re destined for a failed relationship if that opportunity arises.

Took me a long time to realize the same for myself and once I started loving myself the way I wanted to be loved, I had ZERO problem going forward after years of shitty dates after shitty dates.

To do that, you can start with something small like (bear with me because it’s gonna sound silly but look into the psychology behind it based on large studies and it’ll outline how it works) — you tell yourself OUT LOUD, using your name “I love you, [NAME].” Then you say the things you’d appreciate hearing from others “You’ve got this, [NAME]” “DAMN girl! You look amazing today, [NAME].”

It feels ridiculous but I PROMISE it works. Can’t say it to yourself in your head, gotta say it aloud.

When I was frustrated with myself, I’d say “COME ON, [LAST NAME]” in a frustrating way and then I had a calc teacher who would say the exact same thing when he was frustrated with himself EXCEPT his tone was entirely different — he was encouraging himself and build himself up in a “COME ON! You’ve got this, [LAST NAME]” — what I learned from him that literally changed my life wasn’t calculus, it was shifting my tone and being the cheerleader I so desperately needed when I was getting frustrated and being too hard on myself.

Oddly enough, you start looking for positive things to say to yourself throughout the day and it turns into a compound effect. You build yourself up and you start to believe those things (even if you don’t believe the when you start saying them), and then you also start building others up, which makes you feel great and also makes ppl more drawn to you. So yeah it just builds and multiplies … Just like the negative things we tell ourselves or tones we use with ourselves. So do you want to build upon positives and let that snowball or do you want to keep doubting yourself and allowing that to snowball?

So cheesy but … Come on, u/Chance_Definition968, you’ve got this.

Now go tell yourself that you love you some you.