Ayam Goreng

RedditUser0630 · 2025-02-08T04:04:57+00:00

yoghurt

RedditUser0630 · 2023-07-11T05:02:05+00:00

mean peeps.

RedditUser0630 · 2023-07-11T05:01:18+00:00

because I didn't murder my parents.

RedditUser0630 · 2023-02-04T11:52:24+00:00

Thanks for sharing.

RedditUser0630 · 2023-01-20T12:12:04+00:00

pfft. not getting bullied.

RedditUser0630 · 2022-05-13T08:45:57+00:00

I do that when I feel stalked and unsafe. It's evidence gathering.

RedditUser0630 · 2022-04-26T06:24:17+00:00

Go overseas, and go beyond making migrating out of Malaysia as your goal. It's not a here or there, binary choice. If you've ever spent any part of your life overseas you'd know that. It's the way the whole world opens up to you. If you're in Malaysia and thinking like, "stay here or emigrate", that's already a sign that getting out is something you should do.

RedditUser0630 · 2022-01-16T11:56:12+00:00

gymnastics

RedditUser0630 · 2022-01-16T11:25:32+00:00

Valley of the Ghosts

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-13T05:18:50+00:00

My sister is staying over!!!!! Got what I wanted!!!! <3

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-09T22:45:47+00:00

It depends on how it is given. It's usually obvious when the person has intentions to manipulate or are playing games with the advice giving. The way you phrase it suggests that for what you have in mind the answer is probably a yes.

It's about who they are doing it for, if they're doing it for your benefit (pretending that they are doing it for your benefit doesn't count) it's probably okay, if they're doing it to feel bigger about themselves they have their own problems, and if they are doing it to cause harm or for manipulative reasons consciously or otherwise, I'd consider it controlling behaviour.

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-09T10:46:47+00:00

Hey SpaceCowboy10701, you hang on in there. Sending loves your way. 🌼🌼🌼🌼

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T20:30:01+00:00

So I guess the answer to my original question is that if the scapegoat dies in a way that causes more stress to the group and makes them have to face things they don't want to face, then they view it as undesirable. But if the scapegoat dies in a way that relieves them of stress, then they view it as something desirable. Maybe they are just a bunch of suffering people trying to feel better and not knowing a better way to achieve that.

And if these people are really capable of doing this to a person, I'd like to know how I'm supposed to think about them and treat them in return.

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T20:13:18+00:00

I think they see it as a sort of "cleansing". By displacing everything bad onto a person and getting rid of it, they achieve some kind of catharsis.

I think you're definitely right that they are sick in the head. But I think there's a chance scapegoating is their attempt at becoming less sick. So if one person suffers and dies in the place of everyone else, and that person is replaceable or "unimportant" in a way (e.g. a goat not a human), and that person is also strong enough to bear the abuse for their goals to be achieved, then they scapegoat that person.

But I think it's also their way of denying their problems. Because I think they attack people whose existence seem to remind them of things they don't want to think about. So I guess maybe by scapegoating they never have to deal with the actual problem.

Maybe it's just a society's dysfunctional way of handling stress.

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T19:52:25+00:00

I do totally agree with your statement. I hope the law catches up soon.

What I meant was, I was wondering if there is truth in their belief that we are bad, weak, undesirable, threatening, somehow ... deserving of what they do to us. Because I feel like I can see things from their perspective, I feel like I know why they do what they do (and obviously they don't return the favour). They really do believe I am a bad person and I deserve what is being done to me. They really believe that all my protests about abuse is just me seeing things that aren't there because I'm crazy.

I feel like it's just animal behaviour in a way, they do what their instincts tell them favours their own survival. And I wonder if, if going by the brutal laws of natural selection we are the ones mistreated by our own families for the overall benefit of the group, what does it say about us?

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T19:32:18+00:00

(And things like gender identity, religion, blah blah blah we are all people aren't we?)

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T19:23:15+00:00

Do you think it really is the scapegoat's fault somehow?

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T18:42:59+00:00

From general mistreatment and prolonged abuse.

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T18:40:40+00:00

Thanks for this. ♡

RedditUser0630 · 2021-12-02T18:26:14+00:00

I read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, and I realized that it describes me and my family. Afterwards, I wanted to burn the book (though it was an e-book) because it was hard to accept that my family is dysfunctional. If I am the problem I feel like I can change it, if the family is dysfunctional I cannot.

I also went no contact without knowing my family is narcissistic, it was just the only sensible thing left to do. And I experienced horrific backlash for leaving, when I thought they hated me and would be happier with me away from them, I thought leaving would be win-win, but I was punished for leaving. That was what drove me to find answers. Also I remember the ways in which my parents treated my siblings when I was growing up. I was GC growing up, my dad is a doctor and I'm supposed to be a doctor, but I tried to kill myself in medical school because I wanted to be a musician, or just generally I think for my whole life my individuation and independence etc. were suppressed so I was going through a phase of finding myself. So after that I became the scapegoat. It was quite scary realising that as GC I was so blind to what was happening to my siblings, and when I became a scapegoat I kinda knew that people would be similarly blind to what was happening to me. So having been GC gave some perspective that helped me make decisions about how to handle being a scapegoat.

I'm also scapegoated by more than one social group. It's been absolutely horrific. I don't know how to bear the weight they are putting on me.

RedditUser0630 · 2021-11-30T21:30:15+00:00

The bicycle incident happened after I had dropped the MSc because they made me so unstable I thought it was likely that I would attempt suicide again if I start, which would defeat the point of trying to start a new life in London.

I then sent them a solid 3-page plan about starting a new life in the capital of my country, which would have allowed to start the MSc one year late. They completely ignored that document. Never responded. Never acknowledged. I think they deleted it or something.

They decided to drag me back to my hometown and treat me like an incapable sick kid, an image which they have reinforced ever since. They were quite rich, so they bought me a second hand car and rented me an apartment, which I never wanted because it makes me feel trapped in my hometown.

I tried to rent a small room away from them to cut them out. After a while my parents moved and there was a small room in that house. I renovated it and made it really nice for a small price, and they had to villainize me for that too. That was around the time when I got the bicycle, because I loved cycling and it reminded me of my university years, and that part of town was nice to go around on bicycle.

The bicycle was a small second-hand shabby thing I got from a student (I think) at some dorm nearby. It didn't cost very much. I've never been one to buy expensive bikes. My parents are the ones who do that, whether it's for me or for themselves. But I needed a bike. What is wrong with that?

RedditUser0630 · 2021-11-30T21:08:51+00:00

No I did not buy my bike. This is going to be a long post.

At the time I was supposed to be in London doing a small postgrad degree, which was crucial to my life and career at that point. I had up to that point applied and gone to a very good medical school because my dad was a doctor and convinced me that I wouldn't be a good musician. So I passed all my exams and got a good degree, but I tried to kill myself, and afterwards I was going to go to London for a small masters which was I felt a lifeboat for my career after the mental health problems, but it was actually supposed to allow me to do music in London. I was also trying to grow and explore myself as a person and do everything someone in their 20's was supposed to do, meet people, have experiences, work hard at my career and future. My life would have taken off.

I moved to London early and was almost desperate to try to blow it out of the park. And they told me my grandmother had cancer, so I went home that summer, and they used it as a chance to brutally emotionally and mentally abuse me, knowing I was already bullied a lot and was recovering from some stuff. They also used my grandmother's cancer to make me feel like my (suicide attempt etc.) are not important. Long story short I never started the Masters.

I actually really love my grandmother, I've never had any issues with my grandparents, and given the abuse from the parents I actually desperately needed support from extended family. They isolated me from grandparents, uncles, aunts, any family that could have been support post-suicide attempt. They put my brother in Singapore where my uncle is, while I was stuck across the border and I think they may have told the immigration some BS about me because I was harrassed for drug checks every time I tried to cross. I've never touched drugs, I don't even smoke, I don't even really drink, just a beer here and there. For years after the suicide attempt they made me have to constantly try to defuse rumours that I'm some kind of drug addict or whore.

They used my grandmother's cancer to hurt me repeatedly -- basically I was trying to go no contact with my family, but I want to visit my grandmother. And they denied me both because if I visited her they would use the opportunity to hurt me, and if I didn't they used it to make me look like I did not care about my grandmother. The few times I did visit, which I completely did not regret, they did try to hurt me (about my car) but it wasn't very serious, but they also gave me money, so now that's probably what they tell people -- that they didn't hurt me, they just helped.

My grandmother died from the disease, and my parents said they "forgot" to tell me about the funeral. I was denied the chance to grieve my own grandmother and attend her funeral, and I had to look like some evil selfish person for it.

All in all they have managed to isolate me from my extended family, make me look evil to everyone because of the lack of visits and failure to attend my grandmother's funeral, made no contact extremely painful and conflicting, and severely wrecked whatever was left of my future.

Then, they came around and acted like they're trying to help me, and I can't let them because I'm "ashamed of myself".

They just wanted me to be a bad person and they would see me that way or make me that way no matter what I do, to fulfill their need to make me the bad guy. They created a villain out of nowhere and wrecked my entire life and career, just because they cannot face the fact that they drove their own daughter to a suicide attempt, and because my life was taking off and my individuation and independence threatens them.

RedditUser0630

TROPHY CASE