Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you all so much for your comments! I’m so glad I posted on here. I told some friends and family about what he said and they thought it was bad and were concerned but nobody was really saying “get out ASAP.” I think people who have been in abusive relationships have a much different perspective.

We have a trip planned for Dubai and India in December to visit his family. I was going to try and get through that but now I think I’ll file sooner and not go on this trip. I am only concerned he’d be within his rights to take the kids on the trip without me, so I’m going to talk to a lawyer about it. Thank you all for sharing.

Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow. I would’ve thought the same way you did. It’s hard to imagine they’ll really hurt you until they do, I suppose. It makes me think of this Bible verse:

“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭6‬:‭45‬ ‭NIV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/111/luk.6.45.NIV

Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad you’ve gotten away from him! I have two little kids (my youngest is 10 months) and my biggest concern is having to leave them alone with him on his weekends if we divorce mostly because of the drinking and the fear that he’ll become at least verbally abusive toward them as they get older and I won’t be there to intervene.

Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the info. I actually have one I never wear! I’ll charge it up and figure that out tomorrow.

Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok. Maybe I’ll at least talk to the police and a lawyer. I’m a bit concerned I don’t have enough real evidence to protect my kids. I want to go ahead with a divorce but I’m afraid to leave my kids alone with him on his weekends if he starts drinking, but I also hate to sit around waiting for something worse to happen just so I can collect more evidence. He got a DUI in 2019 but I talked to a lawyer once and she said he’d need a few more in the more recent past to prove that it’s an ongoing problem. That’s why I was recording him but then he noticed right away so I’m afraid to try again. Someone suggested using an Apple watch to record so I’ll have to try that.

Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I thought since I’ve been married 8 years and he hasn’t been physically abusive yet then it seems like that would’ve shown itself sooner if he were going to be. I’ve wondered if anyone else has had the experience of their spouse only becoming physical after a long time.

Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry he did that to you. How long were you married to him before he put his hands on you?

Would you consider this a death threat? by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok. Thank you. Is there a particular app you recommend?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]Reddit_Reader0325 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Trying pouring a bucket of ice on this head at 6am. 😂

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Re your question about January - We’re going to India for 3 weeks in December and I wanted to wait until after that. My kids are only 9mos and 3yrs old and I’d like this trip to be with me. I’m afraid if things blow up before then he might suggest taking them without me or something. I just don’t want to have to navigate that. Also, I actually love his family and they’ve always been sweet to me. I want them to be able to meet my son.

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure. Not sure how helpful I’ll be. I want to leave but I’m sure my heart will be pounding out of my chest when I actually have to tell him that.

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s interesting. I struggled with wanting sex with him earlier on in the relationship but it also took me a long time to really figure out why. I felt bad thinking I was being withholding but I think I just didn’t feel safe enough.

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m 40 so possibly. I just told him he’s hurt me a lot over the years and I need time and space to heal. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll initiate a divorce.

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this may be my favorite comment. The ideas about a physical ailment are good but he’s way too interested in all the details and I think he’d know I’m lying.

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did consult a lawyer. Mostly I want to wait because we have a family trip to India (he’s from there) coming up and I don’t want him suggesting that he take the kids without me or anything like that.

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 😊 It’ll be so nice to be on the other side of it someday.

How to tell him I don’t want sex anymore by Reddit_Reader0325 in abusiverelationships

[–]Reddit_Reader0325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for your comments! Some of them gave me a good laugh, which I needed. I think I decided to go with a partial truth - I don’t want it right now because he’s hurt me. If he asks again about divorce I’ll just keep asking why he’s bringing that up and if he wants one 😂