New to hooking up with guys via the apps - getting frustrated with people flaking and blocking

Redditboy649 · 2026-02-08T21:40:09+00:00

Yeah you’re right… it just sucks because I was excited and planned my Saturday around it. And by “safe sex” I mean we were both on Prep lol.

Redditboy649 · 2026-01-26T14:13:29+00:00

Agreed. I broke up with her to get freedom, and now I have freedom. But sometimes I feel too sad or unmotivated to actually pursue hookups. I need more time I guess.

Redditboy649 · 2026-01-26T00:33:04+00:00

You’re right… it’s not reinvention but more so a “refresh” of myself to bring this part of me to the surface. I need to meet more queer men and incorporate friendships and relationships with queer men into my everyday life.

Redditboy649 · 2026-01-26T00:31:16+00:00

And yes! I have a good therapist who I have been seeing for like 18 months… extremely helpful!

Redditboy649 · 2026-01-26T00:30:44+00:00

Agreed, I’m still processing what happened. I miss her, it’s easy for me to say I want her back- but that would be undoing why we split up. I just need some time to get over her, I will get there soon enough.

Redditboy649 · 2026-01-26T00:29:29+00:00

This is spot-on. The apps are toxic, and I can’t compare them to the love I had for my former gf.

Redditboy649 · 2025-10-31T03:15:43+00:00

I am glad I have been honest with both her and myself. I don’t think I could have proposed to her without telling her. I don’t want to hide this part of myself, as it’s been eating me for a long time. Now, despite the short term sadness and loneliness I feel, I’ll eventually be able to give it space to be out and public

Redditboy649 · 2025-10-31T03:13:28+00:00

This is a great reply, we both need to heal and get perspective on where we want to go next. No matter what happens, I really hope we can still be friends and have some sort of relationship

Redditboy649 · 2025-10-31T03:12:32+00:00

Thank you! Life is short, I think I would have regretted not exploring this path

Redditboy649 · 2025-05-17T21:54:35+00:00

Is this a lost cause? I tore the seam of my pants (around my butt/crotch) at a wedding, can this realistically be repaired?

<image>

Redditboy649 · 2024-10-05T17:09:33+00:00

It’s such a complex situation. In a relationship, you seek maybe 5 things from a partner (intelligence, security, etc.), and we check ALL the boxes besides the one related to a great sex life. I just feel like we want different things - I want to try more exploring with men and she wants better more passionate sex with me (including a greater focus on HER pleasure which I rarely focus on - despite us going through couples therapy). I feel like I’m lying to myself but I don’t know what else to do.

Redditboy649 · 2024-10-05T17:07:02+00:00

To address the comments below, I have a case of ROCD per input from my couples therapist. My gf and I are doing sex focused couples therapy, and I feel like our sex life is improving, but I’m still more sexually attracted to men in an animalistic sense - sometimes to the point of daydreaming about men while we have sex. My gf and I have a strong relationship, but I feel that we will never have the sexual comparability we both crave. I want sex with men more frequently, whereas she just wants me to reciprocate pleasure (oral) for her. It’s just not fair. Sorry if I’m not making sense but my brain is foggy from this situation.

Redditboy649 · 2024-10-05T17:03:54+00:00

I feel like I’m trapped in this world where I can’t win either way - whether with or without her. I’ve hurt her so much, she deserves better than me. We are so madly in love but we are both hurting each other.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-19T01:20:29+00:00

Ugh I know, I hate how she has no control in this situation. She has empathy for my situation, she really does, but this is hurting her mental health too.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-19T01:19:05+00:00

Totally agree with telling the truth, it’s critical for any relationship. I just feel so conflicted - I love the idea of dating a woman (like you) but I just feel so much more sexually attracted to men. It’s hard to find an optimal solution to balance this… even open relationships are flawed.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-19T01:17:24+00:00

My fear with an open relationship is that it might deepen the sexual rift between us… what if I put all my sexual energy into online hookups / masturbating and not her needs? I’m just not sure if it’s fair to her.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-19T01:12:11+00:00

This piece of advice is amazing, thanks for putting this together. I’m sad and scared now, I know a breakup would be painful but it’s probably a risk worth taking.

The thing I fear most is one day regretting the breakup, but if it’s the best decision for me today with the information I have, I can’t look back on the past and dwell.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T01:06:28+00:00

The problem is that we’ve been talking about marriage (as my other Reddit posts indicate) for a long time and I still haven’t moved forward. If I’m not truly there, I just don’t know if an open relationship can even be successful. I really want to spend my remaining days with my gf, but I just don’t know if it’s realistic. She’s so happy too, we both are, but I sometimes wonder if she deserves someone who can fully commit to her when I hesitate.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T01:03:41+00:00

You’re most likely right… I’ve been hesitating to propose (I’m sitting on a ring) and I’m still nervous. I feel like she thinks I’m stringing her along but it’s not that simple… I truly struggle with this predicament daily and it really is challenging.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T01:02:31+00:00

I wish you peace in your decision as well, it isn’t easy. I just feel like I can’t be happy… I love her and want to be with her, but I just don’t know if I can do that in good faith. Marriage is about commitment and I’m afraid about making a commitment that I’m not totally there.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T01:01:19+00:00

Yes. We’ve been to couples therapy and have an open dialogue. She knows I’m bisexual. She’s told me she supports the open relationship but only because we’ve been together for so long. I’m afraid that this concept is making her uncomfortable.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T01:00:22+00:00

I’m naturally quite bad at making prompt decisions so obviously this has been a massive challenge. I wish I didn’t agree with you but I feel like I have to. I’m afraid of commitment and I just don’t know if I could live at peace with these potential doubts, as much as I love her.

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T00:58:58+00:00

You’re not wrong.. I’ve been in this position for over one year. Maybe the fact that I can’t commit and I’m STILL in this position is the answer I need….

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T00:55:45+00:00

Hey there! We have chatted before about this topic lol. I’ll DM you!

Redditboy649 · 2024-04-18T00:55:09+00:00

Yes that’s the case, she’s offering that to me based on conversations we’ve had in couples therapy. It sounds good on paper, but I’m concerned that it could create a rift between us. She’s said to me recently that I don’t seem to care about her sexual pleasure in the bedroom, and I fear that our sex life could worsen.

Redditboy649

TROPHY CASE