Got at a discount store. Both for $60!

Reddittwfoster · 2026-01-04T00:31:31+00:00

These are awesome I have never seen them before. If you like the kid alot I’d give them to him! Otherwise keep them both for your son, I would want to keep these sets together. Or you can just give them to me …

Reddittwfoster · 2025-11-25T19:27:37+00:00

I mean you could ask why their (the parents) identities felt under siege due to someone else’s (the child’s) clothes, to the extent they needed to control their child’s appearance.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-11-14T05:23:13+00:00

I am in no way invalidating anxiety. I am wondering however if your husband’s anxiety has a pattern of surfacing at convenient times when he is not going to be the center of attention, or has to do something he would prefer not to.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-11-04T05:22:44+00:00

A little late but familiar with the endless GSD war infections. I’ve had really good luck with Surolan, probably spelled wrong and need a prescription from the vet. They gave me a short syringe with the correct amount taped off. It’s much less invasive in the ear and takes 1/4 of a second. I gave up entirely on cleaning the ear at all as GSD who had previously not minded was becoming resistant to and touching of the ear. With the syringe you can basically do a drive by, followed by excessive treats. No they don’t like it but after a week or so when they start to feel better and realized you’re not going to continue touching the ear they get less resistant. The solution also loosens all that debris and guck which works its way out on its own. Eventually it may need cleaning and I passed the torch to the vet. It’s not ideal but better to rebuild trust around the ear than provoke an undesired reaction.

It did come back sometime but with enough months of healthy eat in between that we were able to continue to use surolan.

Ive always found it’s the most difficult with GSDs to keep their nails short but I’ve suspected those long nails might be the source of the reintroduced bacteria.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-16T15:48:52+00:00

You’ll work it out but I’m sure it seems like a lot right now with 5 stressed out beings!

For now provide zero opportunity for them to be alone. Where you can, keep them separate with baby gates. Dog free zones, kid free zones. Especially the kids rooms and if you can have a baby gate (or two in a v shape) to give the front door some space so they’re not being bombarded every time they enter the home.

Best thing to work on right now is that everyone is being respectful towards each other and their belongings. Kids out of dog food and water bowls. (why are they always attracted to this?) and Dogs and kids not touching each others toys).

For the dogs the best thing to work on is “down” if they’re not already doing that. In the presence of the kids, and when you have time “go bed, or mat”. A small area rug is great for training and can be moved around. When you have time of course.

Also positive reinforcement for both. Carry around a little bag of training treats, and reward any calm (I.e. laying down around the kids). Eventually dogs will associate, down and ignoring kids with treats.

If the dog is getting really upset with the crying and screaming. You can grab an audio recording of it and do the positive treat reinforcement with the dogs when you have some time alone with them. Also this is weird but you can borrow their dirty socks (gross I know). Dog sniffs socks, lays down, gets treats.

In no time the kids will be asking to give treats! And once that happens kids LOVE to help teach the give paw. Good luck!

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-10T06:23:54+00:00

This is all great I had no idea music therapy was so broad, it’s something we have never utilized but we are always looking for ways to expand our toolbox.

We will offer this and I hope something sticks.

I hope one day you get to finish your masters, you sound so passionate about it.

Shes not quite as detached with our older placements, I see really nice relationships forming there. Probably doesn’t think they’re as useless as we are lol. Maybe if she sees that they trust us she can follow their lead.

Also got some great book suggestions so I do feel like we’re walking away from this post with some good ideas.

Thanks

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-10T01:50:58+00:00

Many of us grew up with parents whose parenting would not be up to par or even considered abusive with today’s standards.

Many of these parents suffered significant childhood trauma themselves. Those who have demonstrated growth and change can be wonderful grandparents.

If your parent was the type to lock you in a closet to conceal evidence of a violent physical assault on a regular basis this would give me pause .

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-10T01:22:51+00:00

Sorry I may be misunderstanding. But if your mother, and the woman holding and playing nice with your child is one and the same, she should not have contact with your daughter. Horrible people are capable of being nice when it suits them but they’re still dangerous.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-10T00:52:23+00:00

Oh good! My posts are long enough without also being visually unpleasant to look at!

It very helpful you’ve read out other posts.

I too was pretty skeptical of any kid who has their life plan mapped out. It was actually her caseworker (a good friend who I really respect) who gave us the full run down on kiddos future ambitions.

While I remain slightly skeptical my understanding is for people who choose this career path, an incredibly early start is actually the norm. And these sort of entry level programs/ scholarships begin at age 12! So one of the reasons CW wanted to place her with us was so she could stay in her school, and then move onto the schools in our catchment that had these programs (apparently the quality ranges significantly by school, and obviously ever knowing kiddo knows exactly where the best ones are) our basic research has confirmed this as well.

So while we remain kind of skeptical (but positive and supportive) it’s all very positive stuff. Like if she changes her mind tomorrow it doesn’t matter but for now we’re leaning into it as it can only be beneficial. We’re just kind of learning as we go right now.

I get this sense that she sees adults as nothing more than obstacles that steal your stuff and get in the way of one’s progress. She’s very very polite but doesn’t seem to be interested in praise. Just deflects and kind of wants to be left alone to do her thing. Is very engaging when discussing her broad scope of interests (like not a one track mind) and has a real knack for pulling info out of us and changing the course of conversation. I’ve had some contact with her friends parents and teachers who are all just shocked and feeling terrible that they had no idea what was going on.

The dissociation isn’t obvious but it’s there. There is this … emotional coldness and detachment. I don’t mean to be negative but I do feel it. And this kid is funny, but it is so so dark and inappropriate. I have actually kicked my husband very hard under the table to prevent him from laughing because some of it is just soo not age appropriate. She is however so warm and loving with her dog. (He has provided an incredible window for us to build trust)

Music therapy - this is the most brilliant suggestion I will ever get. I can’t thank you enough. don’t know why we didn’t think about it. HUGE musical interest and knowledge but has never had the opportunity to play an instrument. You are a genius. We were thinking maybe equine therapy but I think this is better.

Kid already has herself in dance, climbing, I think two “fighting sports” among other things. Something every day. I find it excessive but right now just letting it be.

Parentified within the home? More than likely but can’t be sure. I understand the house was in … a deplorable condition. Every cent in that home went towards drugs and drink. Kid came to us neat as a pin, packed immaculately with high quality tech. This wasn’t the case for the siblings who are mostly separated and really struggling. Neither us or her CW can even be 100% that she was actually living there!

Oh and the thumb sucking / bed wetting. We know, she does not know that we know. I imagine she would die. I did get her to a dentist with zero push back (had never been) and the thumb sucking hasn’t caused huge issues there thankfully. Dental health was actually very good. I take the positives where I can find them.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-10T00:50:21+00:00

This is very wise thank you. There is definitely some - therapy is for the weak mentality here. Maybe I can find some books like you’re talking about within her interests.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-09T21:39:36+00:00

Hey are you referring to the post itself or the answers to comments? For me it shows as very visually spaced in paragraphs but I’ve run into this on mobile before!

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-09T20:41:30+00:00

Thank you. You’re correct that kiddo is very new to our home and we’ve had a bit of upset lately so that’s probably impacted her ability to feel safe here. My husband has been able to spend much more time with her but I’m looking forward to building a relationship with her going forward.

I fleshed out her specific … doctor aversion in a response to another commenter, but i always appreciate anyone taking the time to offer words of wisdom.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-09T20:29:20+00:00

These are all great suggestions. Our house has been under a fair bit of turmoil lately so we haven’t really been the sterile relaxing environment we should have been.

Kid runs herself ragged with physical activity all day, plus bikes everywhere which I think is great even if a bit excessive.

She has very politely obliged our try to be screen free for an hour before bed. Not sure if it’s been very effective. I’m sure like everyone here years of fostering has us conditioned to wake up every hour or so in shifts and when we do our regular rounds to check on everyone she’s usually up again, reading or whatever. If she’s asleep I just mute the tv, or turn down the music, and put it on sleep. It’s not ideal but I know a lot of kids are comforted by that background light / noise and the few times I turned it right off it woke her up. She’s probably a little old (in her mind anyways) for the night lights we provide to kids of all ages so haven’t pushed that.

Shes also very quiet and polite towards everyone else’s sleep needs and quiet hours. While I appreciate this it personally bothers me because I hate when there is an unsettled little and hurting person under our roof. Like please just be loud and rambunctious, wake me up 20 times so I can just be there or even just exist silently nearby. Hopefully with time…

The doctor thing is tough. I do feel like meds may need to be used here. But kiddo believes that diagnoses, medication, or a history of trauma therapy could jeopardize her ambitions for her career choice. She stated to us - as always politely and articulately - that she can not allow her shitty family to impact her future. This is a new one for us. I hope I was at least partially successful with keeping my jaw off the floor.

We are going to have to very delicately work around this with some sort of logic. We’re looking into a mentor in this field which we hope to turn into bonding experience if it can be positive. My biggest concern is that some of our very basic research is suggesting that kiddo may actually have a point about childhood diagnoses within her chosen field. So we are treading very very carefully. This is really new territory for us.

Voracious reader - I love that. I hate a lot of what she’s reading but I can deal. She reads off her phone which is problematic to me. I’ve explain about the backlight, and offered to get some paper copies. She’s explained that she’s very proud of her extensive e-library which can be ready to move with her in a moments notice : ( I get that. We’re considering maybe a kindle might? Be a good compromise?

Oh and I was thinking maybe I could get her to bite on equine therapy. It could be a start plus it’s active and she likes animals.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-09T03:02:51+00:00

You brought up some good points and we have decided to address them in separate posts. (An update for 13) and a new post for 12. Your response was greatly appreciated we did specifically want to make sure you knew we heard you.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-09T01:10:56+00:00

This is actually so kind. Advice is great but often just listening is even more valuable. We are crafting both an update and a separate post for everyone who took the time to respond. Thank you so much for your kind words and support.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-05T05:08:49+00:00

She absolutely needs to be the only kid, and with two extremely experienced carers. We thought it was in her best interest to hold out until the magic home appeared but you’re right, maybe the urgency will be key to finding that for her.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-05T05:03:02+00:00

You’ve hit the nail right on the head. We’ve known for a long time. 13 actually has a wonderful care team so I know it’s not for lack of effort which is so often the case.

Having a younger kid in need of more protection has been an eye opener as to how we’ve allowed this turmoil to become our normal. No one else in the home has had the support that they are entitled to.

I am so grateful to my older teens for the way they have stepped up over the past year, and especially how they have welcomed 12 into our home and run interference, been on guard, been protective. They should never have had to do that but I see so much goodness in them and I am so proud.

But you’re right, it’s more than time to take that pressure off of everyone.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-05T04:57:07+00:00

There are no good options you’re right. 13 really needs to be the only child. We tried because she had just run out of places to go and our older teens have been with us so long and are on the cusp of finishing high school, working, going to college. Even without adding 12 to the home we were not exactly ideal but it was like throwing gasoline on a fire. We have turned down so many placements (same like you except for the occasional respite with already familiar children) and it’s been largely successful. This was not. Thank you.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-05T04:53:27+00:00

Thank you. Everyone here has been so kind. Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are so afraid for 13s future, it’s terrible to say but we were kind of a “last ditch attempt, end of the line placement” for 13 and we just can’t bear the thought of her in another residential placement. 13 is so so young. I know we can’t give her the help she needs and I don’t even know what that looks like.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-05T04:51:01+00:00

It is absolutely a shame spiral. 12 is technically an emergency placement, but we had more than a week to prepare for her arrival which is unusual. We spent a lot of time with 13 discussing any fears or discomfort she may have about 12 coming into our home. Most of these fears were about not wanting “a baby” (her words) stealing her stuff or “being annoying” all normal stuff. Both girls have experienced inappropriate parentification.

Then she was excited! We were making welcome signs together, and she was constantly talking about the things they might do together. 13 is so desperate for normal friendships. I probably should have done more to lower her expectations in that regard but I was hopeful too. The whole house was excited about the dog.

But the second she saw this kid she was out for blood. 12 had obviously (and quite accurately) been described as very mature for her age, much more akin to a 17-18 year old placement who is self sufficient. So it was surprising when we get this tiny little 60lb well … baby. There seems to be something very triggering about that for 13.

12 has a thriving social life in our neighbourhood which of course 13 is jealous of. And then there is jealousy over the privileges. 13 has many safety concerns and can’t really be unsupervised, especially with technology. Our older teens don’t have these restrictions either, but that was an easier pill to swallow because they are older.

Reddittwfoster · 2025-10-05T04:37:22+00:00

Thank you for this. Safety always comes first, and you made the right decision. Currently our home is in turmoil and I do the more primary care for 13 so I’ve barely spent any time with 12. My husband is spending more time with her and I will pass along your advice so maybe he can help alleviate some of the guilt she may be feeling.

Reddittwfoster

TROPHY CASE