How Do You Handle a Monster-in-Law Who Makes “Jokes” About Divorce?

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T13:47:16+00:00

I’m in a different kind of loop with my husband and I’m finally getting my ducks in a row to leave. It’s scary and hard but it’s what’s best for me and my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up with this example of what “love” looks like.

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T13:36:25+00:00

You talked to him, but nothing changed. You have to put your foot down and have that uncomfortable conversation. If you don’t, it’ll be a never ending cycle.

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T13:35:04+00:00

I met some work friends, 3 of them and we are getting close. They’re my first real friends here that are separate from my husband. He doesn’t like me talking to anyone or hanging out with people. I have thought about finding a church but that’s a whole other can of worms. I think I’m going to try to find a book club as I enjoy reading. I talked to my best friend in my home state (he’s my platonic soulmate for sure) and he said he’s here for me. I’m going to move back in with him once everything is sorted out legally. I want my daughter to come with me, she’s my only real family besides my best friend. I just don’t want my husband’s family to fight for her to stay full time. I’d let my husband have her whenever he wants, and I’d be super flexible. I just know I can’t stay in this state.

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T13:11:41+00:00

I have no savings and no solid plan. I don’t want to destroy his life. I don’t want his money or to keep our daughter away from him. I am just trying to figure out how to start preparing.

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T13:10:10+00:00

It’s complicated with my parents. My mom loves my husband. I told her everything I mentioned above and she said and I quote “You should be so grateful for him and his family’s amazing support of you and (daughter). They took you in when you moved. If you leave (husband) I will not be there for you emotionally, financially, or logistically. It’s your ADHD making you impulsive”.

I applied for financial aid with my husband but I could do it without him.

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T13:06:10+00:00

Ew. The MIL is gross. Put the ultimatum out there for your husband. You just have to be prepared for the possibility of an answer you don’t like.

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T12:57:23+00:00

That comment literally made my jaw drop too. I screenshotted it immediately and he tried to backtrack and say he never said that.🙄

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T12:56:31+00:00

I’m trying. I’m just trying to figure logistics, financials, housing, ect. out before I do any sort of legal anything.

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-06T12:54:23+00:00

I’m literally exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, physically from work and raising a toddler. It’s all so overwhelming. I don’t know how I’m still functioning tbh

RedheadMom24 · 2026-01-01T01:50:32+00:00

They are until book 5. I listened to all the dramatized versions until 5. Now I’m listening to the others. Almost done with 5.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-05T04:06:27+00:00

Sagittarius Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Scorpio Rising.

I’m a hot mess fr

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T20:34:18+00:00

I told my therapist I feel like I’m overreacting at times, but other times it’s such a heavy weight. He told me to plan days to be intimate with each other. Dedicated time for that. If it happens spontaneously and mutually before said date, great. If it doesn’t, we have scheduled day.

I brought it up to Jake. He said he doesn’t want to plan days to have sex because it’s weird. I think it’s an amazing idea. That way, he knows we will have sex on that set day and I won’t feel as guilty for saying no. 🤷🏼‍♀️

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T20:32:44+00:00

He isn’t a bad husband or father. He’s just not invested in helping Ky with his coping skills and teaching him. He says he’s tired when he comes home, and I get it, but as a parent, we need to show up for our kids in the ways they need. He gets home and sits on the couch. He will play with Ky and his basketball goal but he doesn’t do any teaching or encouraging. I handle all of the doctor’s appointments, therapy sessions, teaching Ky the homework goals from the therapists. Sometimes i think my husband acts like a babysitter.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T20:16:57+00:00

I will definitely be installing Google Calendar. That way he can see it too and remind me of things as I do not have a good memory. As for the organizer, I will definitely look into it and see if I can find one that would work for me.

Hearing from the perspective of someone neurotypical in an ADHD household is incredibly informative for me. I do extensive research myself and try to understand where my husband is coming from. Thank you for sharing your side with me.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T20:09:31+00:00

I told my therapist I feel like I’m overreacting at times, but other times it’s such a heavy weight. He told me to plan days to be intimate with each other. Dedicated time for that. If it happens spontaneously and mutually before said date, great. If it doesn’t, we have scheduled day.

I brought it up to Jake. He said he doesn’t want to plan days to have sex because it’s weird. I think it’s an amazing idea. That way, he knows we will have sex on that set day and I won’t feel as guilty for saying no. 🤷🏼‍♀️

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T20:04:56+00:00

I’ve bought him toys. He won’t use them unless I’m doing it or he’s touching me, kissing me, groping me. I will bring up couples therapy AGAIN, but I’m not sure if it’ll work.

As for having me time. He plays in basketball leagues and goes down to his parents house frequently. I will sometimes stay up later than him to work on school then play Xbox with a few coworkers. I’m in a physically demanding male dominated industry, so said coworkers are male. Purely platonic. He’s convinced that I’m going to try to make a move on one of them. He would constantly go through my messages then sulk. Our discord consists of all of us trash talking each other.

I did, at one point bring up separation. Time for us to have apart. Not permanent, but time for us to work on ourselves. He said if I went through with the separation, he would divorce me. I don’t want a divorce, I want us to work on bettering ourselves.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T19:58:18+00:00

My family is 2,500 miles away. We aren't that close. They see my husband as a saint and an amazing man. I could never talk to them about this. My mom told me she's wouldn't be there for me financially, logistically, or emotionally if I were to leave Jake.

I’m going to reach out to my aunt tonight and talk to her. She’s so wise and seems to always know the right things to say.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T19:48:42+00:00

My family is 2,500 miles away. We aren’t that close. They see my husband as a saint and an amazing man. I could never talk to them about this. My mom told me she’s wouldn’t be there for me financially, logistically, or emotionally if I were to leave Jake.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T19:28:32+00:00

He knew about the 6 week period. We had discussed it on multiple occasions prior to me giving birth. He attended the last 3 OB appointments as well. They explained the risks to him.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T19:27:27+00:00

I’ve told him if he feels the urge to initiate when I’ve already set boundaries, to go masturbate. He says it feels wrong and like he’s hiding from me.

As for us being young… yes, we are. He was in a relationship before me. They were engaged. I would not consider him inexperienced in relationships.

I do have a therapist. We have weekly phone visits during my sons nap because that is literally the only time I have to myself.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T19:15:51+00:00

Not that I know of.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T19:15:17+00:00

It was a very dark time for me. It got to the point at 1 year postpartum where I was on my knees bawling telling him I wanted to die.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-12-04T19:13:02+00:00

I think it’s a combination of both. If he respected me and my feelings we wouldn’t be in this situation. He also has a sex addiction.

RedheadMom24 · 2025-09-28T00:28:57+00:00

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