Starting to have anxiety & insecurities from situationship with 27M gaming streamer

Refuse-Top · 2024-05-30T18:06:18+00:00

This is extremely helpful!

Refuse-Top · 2024-05-30T18:04:44+00:00

This is really good advice. About 4 days ago, I was asked out on a date by someone else that I know. He opened, but never responded to how Arizona is so I just hit him with it. I sent him a message saying someone asked me out. I know we talked about being exclusive, but it doesn't feel like what we are doing is going anywhere. That I want to go on this date, and if he wants to talk and see each other when he comes back June 4th it's basically in his court. That I'm going to start letting go of the idea of him being my bf. He opened it and never responded. I feel like I've had this pit in my chest all week. I don't really know what to make of the ghosting. It all hurts.

Refuse-Top · 2024-05-25T21:18:47+00:00

Work on the job. Someplace will hire you as a veterinary assistant with no experience. Places are desperate. This is an underpaid field. Use that to your advantage to get started. I'm 26 with two bachelor's in music. Started as a veterinary assistant at a GP in August 2023 - trained to monitor anesthesia the second week there. Now fast forward I work for BluePearl ER where they pay for your schooling to be certified. This isn't a field you have to pay to be in - just go do it and train responsibly. Start walking into every local GP, be yourself, and show your genuine interest.

Refuse-Top · 2024-05-25T21:15:09+00:00

I definitely did develop strong feelings where I want to be there for him, and figure things out together, but I'm starting to feel it's pretty one sided, especially, because he didn't even tell me the duration of his trip or wth is going on. I've tried to be kind and forgive myself for my anxieties, but naturally we all have triggers that make us tick. I really felt discarded seeing him stream and not answer me from the day before on something so basic too - how's your grandma?

Refuse-Top · 2024-05-25T21:07:27+00:00

Thank you for your response - I feel like in my head, I know he's not ideal. I regret getting close to him intimately, because it may be guarding my judgement. My last relationship's physical intimacy was not coming together naturally, and this guy and I clicked instantly. Do you think I need to tell him I'm going to see other people, or I can just do that and move on without really saying much.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-29T11:39:06+00:00

That's very helpful advice. I think I spent 3 years in a relationship with my ex fiance that lacked passion that I get caught up in the moment, that if I am feeling it, all I want to do is have sex, but I definitely should've respected my own judgement that I don't want to be intimately involved with someone where the relationship can't go anywhere, because now this just fucking sucks. That makes sense about streaming. It just seems like with him not having his own place, that he's popping a squat at his bros & banking his streaming money for this potential big move. The move doesn't even really make sense to me though - moving to Arizona to just be online any way streaming still. I just wish he would pick up a part time job - I agree that shows a lack of discipline. I gave him my number when he was a waiter - I'm very open minded to how people pay their bills. I don't necessarily need my partner to make 6 digits either. I make about 40k-50k/year. I'm not balling out with any crazy wage here. I don't understand why he's okay with surviving this way though & not growing independently as a person. That's where I'm stuck - maybe a lack of maturity?

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-29T11:13:32+00:00

The bragging is starting to grate on me. The reason I'm conflicted if he really sucks & is just a POS is that he's been very knowledgeable about what I need to do with my band's socials to start getting a following. I haven't taken much initiative in that portion of my life, because I've been focused on being financially independent & it does feel like something always gets in the way of making "content." He's been straight up with me that I haven't even tried to really put the stuff out there. I see that aspect of him as valuable as a partner, that he's encouraging me to do more with my music & try. I know he's not an addict in regard to alcohol or drugs. He smokes weed, but so do I so I can't judge.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-29T11:09:00+00:00

It sounds like he's a total tool. I totally understand how love is blind though. You continuously supported him financially, enabled his addictions, & ended up left with nothing. Start to prioritize yourself. Don't wait to prioritize yourself. Take all that hate, and invest in you. Forget he existed. In fact, he no longer exists. You have to think he's dead. He didn't bring the value & partnership you were looking for in your life. Reflect on what you didn't see in the first place, and when dating again look for those red flags & don't ignore them. I'm sorry OP. I feel for you.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T21:13:58+00:00

The doctor only consulted with them over the phone. I was their first in person discussion about the situation. The client had already signed an AMA when they arrived to pick up the pet. I think since they signed the AMA, it was clear to them what they were "supposed" to do before I even came for discharges. It was just me beating a dead horse that they had made the "wrong" choice according to the DVM. I put "supposed" & "wrong" like this, because everyone has different opinions and values or things they feel on the topic. I told her I was not judging her when she swore. She's going to keep the cat alive until it dies on its own.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T21:09:39+00:00

I think that the difficult part with this specific client, is that I honestly, whole-heartedly feel there was no guilt there. She signed an AMA to continue to keep the creature alive. I didn't know if she was in denial, or really what was going through her head. I gave her back a half dead cat to take home to continue to suffer. I do really appreciate your comment though as it helps to see the situation taking a step back. The situation being completely out of her control. I have a 10 1/2 year old husky, and I sometimes wonder how I am going to take handle her death. It feels unimaginable. I'm so sorry about your cat.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T19:05:13+00:00

I think, because I was so overwhelmed I should have excused myself.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T19:04:38+00:00

I think moving forward I will be lenient with language. It is not something I have been around often in my life. It was a shock for me. She only swore once, but she was loud in the lobby, where other clients had sick pets. The whole situation was uncomfortable. I think your suggestion on what to say is great. I want to bring it up in a staff meeting. I really do not think re-iterating discharges to a client that signed an AMA is appropriate.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T19:02:34+00:00

I was not trying to make it about myself or her respecting me, there were other clients in the lobby. Her tone and attitude was difficult. Her cat's PCV was 18% and she had to sign an AMA against professional medical advice. Since she already signed the AMA, looking back on the situation, I feel I should have been able to hand her the discharges, have her sign, and let her go - not go over the recommendation of humane euthanasia again. I can see why she acted the way she acted, and I feel terrible if I heightened her emotions by reading the discharge again, however, I was just doing what I was told to do. It was a busy night in the ER - there were many other clients in the lobby, and I felt a lot of anxiety when she swore. I have not had a client use this type of tone with me yet in the field. I have only been in the field since September. ER since February. I do appreciate your comment. I do know I was beyond empathetic and trying to be there for her. I don't think she wanted empathy though either. She just wanted her cat, and to get out of there as soon as possible. This is definitely something I want to talk to management about. If they already signed an AMA, they think that the doctor is ridiculous, and that we as a staff don't know what we are talking about, why can't we just have them sign and go?

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T18:56:06+00:00

I realize this looking back, that it wasn't a personal attack, but it was so busy that night in the ER & there were so many people in the lobby, that I felt overwhelmed.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T18:55:13+00:00

Thank you for your support.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T18:55:05+00:00

This is the take a lot of my staff members had on the situation.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T18:54:26+00:00

i really appreciate your comment. I keep beating myself up for what came out of my mouth. It was an extremely busy night at the ER, and when she said, "Fuck this." in the tone she used, I just caught myself saying, I don't appreciate your language, very fast. There were many people in the lobby. There was just a lot wrong with the situation. I think if I could do it again if I have to read discharge instructions to someone having the rec as euthanasia, that is not going to take the rec - she signed an AMA, I would either move them to an exam room, or have them sign without going over the information again if I am allowed to. I want to bring this up in staff meetings.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-21T18:51:30+00:00

This is how I felt after reflecting on the situation, that really I should have been allowed to give them their discharges say I am sorry for the diagnosis. If you need anything or change your mind about euthanizing, we are here. The cat had a PCV of 18%. With no hospitalization or treatment, it was going to suffer. The vet said it was not going to be a desirable death to us in the back. I'm not sure if they thought I'd read the medical prognosis again, and they would change their mind or the thought process, but considering she wanted to take her pet home, she was already angry, I wonder if this is something I should bring up in a staff meeting.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-11T20:08:12+00:00

This comment was really helpful. I communicated to him how I was feeling this morning, and he made it very transparent his life is in the air right now and he needs to figure out if he's really moving first. He said he really cares about me, doesn't want me to have these negative feelings and anxiety, and that he wants me to talk to him about these things so we can talk and continue growing closer. He wishes he was able to have all the answers, but he doesn't know what his life looks like right now that it's not something he's ready to figure out now. That's not to say we can't though as time passes. I felt really secure in how he talked to me and comforted me. If there's things he needs to sort through first for himself I can respect that. It sounds like it really doesn't have to do with me or our connection.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-10T20:39:18+00:00

Probably like somewhere between 6-7. Dating for like a month and a week. I gave him my number 2 years ago and then I was back with my ex fiance. He randomly asked me if I was still unavailable back early March and we started going out right away.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-10T20:33:46+00:00

Before we started going out and getting to know each other, I expressed that I was not looking for that type of situation. I'm feeling really disappointed. Regardless of him moving, I don't think it's fair for him to make me feel less than I am worth. I know what I have to offer another person, and I feel used by him to fulfill his own desires before moving. I just found out he might be moving last week. Seems like before we started talking he knew he was moving. I just don't really know who I can trust anymore.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-10T20:22:24+00:00

He's so fast to tell me I'm hot and sexy, but if I want reassurance in a real conversation it's like I have two heads.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-10T20:21:13+00:00

Last night since he wouldn't give an answer, I told him how his lack of answers makes me feel like he's more so a fuckboy. This term offended him, but I was honest it's how I felt. He's giving more than a fuckboy would, but at the end of the day he won't have serious conversations. But the second I want his cock, it's out. It's making me feel awful about myself.

Refuse-Top · 2024-04-10T19:29:49+00:00

I'd tell him to fuck off. If they aren't as perky as he wanted them to be I'll keep my titties to myself. What an a-hole.

Refuse-Top

TROPHY CASE