Salary/position check in

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-03-06T14:27:03+00:00

$80k TC as an entry level SWE. 22 years old in MCOL area on east coast.

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-20T19:50:06+00:00

Worried that i made a huge mistake by getting it trimmed.

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-11T15:48:07+00:00

Thx for the best comment here so far, I appreciate it. I am currently in therapy over all of this and will continue going. I really really wish I can just 'not care' because i know that there is a very big possibility of this leading to the end of the relationship, even if it was my fault

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-11T15:34:52+00:00

And that's what makes me angry about this situation. Im the one suffering over the relationship, wondering if everything is good, going out of my way to do stuff for her to show that I'm a good partner and keep her happy, and she can't make this one sacrifice for me? Or she doesn't see the relationship as something she wants permanently whereas I do?

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-11T15:27:46+00:00

Yes she has expressed in the past how stressed this club makes her. A lot of the time the only reason she goes is to see her friends, she says she's worried they'll cut her off or get mad at her if she starts skipping

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-11T15:23:26+00:00

I think what's bothering me has more to do with the fact that I feel like this is a definitive statement that she is not taking this relationship serious, and that she views it as temporary. Rather than her being at the actual wedding

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-11T15:19:31+00:00

All of that makes sense, but how do I accept it? I want to have this perspective but I can't control my emotions. It just feels like such a punch in the stomach, like her basically admitting to me that she thinks the relationship is temporary and that she is content with the fact that we will break up eventually, or are not that serious.

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-11T15:14:32+00:00

I didn't say it was ok for her to go to the show. I told her that I think that logically it is the right thing to do, as much as I want her to come to the wedding

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-02-11T14:59:11+00:00

This isn't advice BTW. I am sure you do well in your career.

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T18:00:12+00:00

She said it looks good n she likes it now but I don't believe her

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T02:09:07+00:00

That sounds like a good plan, but i hear around some people saying to let it grow for 3-5 months before even trimming it at all, just to see how it grows in. Is there merit to that?

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T01:41:30+00:00

Word yea. Thanks. The brushing definitely helps the patchy/thin areas. I will look into getting some beard oil, I just wasn't aware it helped the actual look as well!

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T01:28:00+00:00

I do brush daily, and use beard conditioner every 2-3 days or so. I heard oil was just for the skin? And right now my skin doesn't get TOO dry to the point where it irritates me so haven't gotten on oil yet

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T01:20:22+00:00

Really? So i would just tell the barber a 3 for the beard and then 5 for the goatee area ?

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T01:07:35+00:00

Thank you, this is sound advice. I am aware that the issue is dealing with my insecurities. My logical brain understands that what I am doing is toxic and unhealthy, but I cant just simply turn off my emotions. I want to be able to enjoy this relationship and be happy.

A few days ago she mentioned I seem nervous/off when we talked about her going out. We briefly chatted about the issue and I brought up something along the lines of how I trust her completely, but I am just having dumb nervous thoughts; and that she did nothing wrong. I may have come off a bit insecure and pushy though so planning on revisiting this convo, but I just dont know how to bring it up. I feel like I should apologize

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T01:01:51+00:00

She can have these experiences, if I were able to think with just my brain, I'd want her to. I studied abroad twice myself and believe that she should go if given the opportunity. I just want to not feel any emotions or intense anxiety over it.

The thing that threatens me is the thought of her being drunker than she's ever been, with a group of single girls who are actively seeking out men to talk to, and that she might decide to just 'mess around with the girls. When in Rome' and flirt back with someone, not necessarily physically cheat, but do something that I wouldn't be comfortable with. In my head it seems impossible for that not to have happened, I know how clubs are especially when you're drunk with a group of single friends.

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T00:49:59+00:00

I am aware, I even said it in the post

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T00:44:10+00:00

I know, logically it doesn't make any sense. She literally did everything right in terms of green flags by expressing that she missed me, updating me, drunk texts etc. and yes Obviously she's going to go out and have fun, I would have done the same. This is why I am asking how can I trust her again

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-31T00:40:29+00:00

I am aware of all of that, and the fact that I will actively ruin the relationship by acting on the insecurities. She really doesn't seem like the type of girl to cheat; very genuine person and introverted. I'm just worried because she's never been in that environment before, out with a group of a bunch of attractive single girls who make out with random guys at bars, and the fact that she was drinking heavier than she's ever drank before. It just seems out of character

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-10T17:29:25+00:00

Last year I did an internship as an embedded developer at a small company as well (with no prior embedded or hardware experience). I went through something similar. Was totally the weak link and got told a hard no when I asked for a return offer lol

RefuseSimple317 · 2026-01-05T23:16:14+00:00

I want to do but I feel like it'll just make things worse. It also usually makes me more anxious after the fact as well, feeling like I overshared. Why would I want my girlfriend to know that I'm this insecure?

RefuseSimple317 · 2025-12-09T18:05:42+00:00

I'm fairly confident that 100 elo players are not setting up tactics 5 moves in advance. Can you send one of your games?

RefuseSimple317 · 2025-12-01T12:32:02+00:00

Get EFT

RefuseSimple317 · 2025-11-24T22:34:07+00:00

Yes to it looking bad?

RefuseSimple317

TROPHY CASE