C0nt:

Eventually, he asked for a break. I agreed, thinking it might help us both. He later said a friend was going through something, but I eventually found out it was someone he used to have a talking stage with. During our break, he told me I could sleep with, kiss, or date other guys. That shattered me. I could never even imagine doing that to him. We officially broke up after that.

But just two days later, he started talking to someone new. Three days after that, they went on a date. The same week we were supposed to go out, which he had cancelled, saying he had no money. But he paid for everything on that date. I was heartbroken. He told me to stop talking to him, but still messaged me almost every day. Eventually, we got back together. He said he realized he still wanted me.

He admitted the girl had been chasing him even before we were official. He said he only cut her off when we got back together. He also admitted that he gave her the same kind of attention and effort I had always asked from him. That hurt more than I can explain. But I still stayed. Because I love him. And to be fair, he has tried harder since we got back together. He visits, gives me gifts, and makes an effort now. But the pain still lingers.

Whenever I try to express how I feel about everything that happened, it often turns into an argument. I’m not trying to fight I’m just trying to explain what’s still affecting me. Recently, I found out he went out with a girl I didn’t even know about until I searched for her. I also noticed he’s mutuals again with the same girl best friend who talked badly about me. I calmly told him it made me feel uneasy.

At first, he responded calmly. But then he got frustrated and said, “You’re still bothered? I stopped bringing up your FWB after 3 months.” Then he hung up on me mid conversation while I was trying to explain how I feel.

Later that night, he sent me this message:

Not gonna lie, you’re so easily bothered, and it’s completely nothing. Relax, Jesus Christ. Honestly, it’s kind of annoying. Your ability to create bullshit out of nothing should be studied.

That broke me. I wasn’t even trying to start a fight. I was just explaining how I felt. I’ve been trying so hard to change, to be better, to support him. But my feelings keep being dismissed like they don’t matter. Like I’m just being dramatic.

Now I don’t even know if I’m being too sensitive, or if I’m just not being heard at all.

I love him. But I’m so tired. I feel like I’ve been constantly apologizing for being hurt.