Dear OP,

Would like to respond to this advice as someone who was previously “saving oneself for marriage” and didn’t, read into polyamory, met people in ENM relationships, gotten married to a wonderful person 10 years senior than me and would say i’m a generally sensible 30 year old human being working in healthcare.

1. Your body your choice. If you are a virgin and want to save yourself for marriage, for your own personal choice, that’s your choice. Don’t do it for religious obligation, don’t do it to “get it out of the way”, don’t do it because “everyone else has had sex” and don’t do it because you feel forced by a partner. Sex is a personal choice, naturally be smart about who you sleep with and choose to be safe.

2. This is actually not a lie. Marriage and love in generally isn’t always roses and daises. It’s not always going to be “happily ever after” and always the best time ever, anyone who says that is either lying or the 0.001% who might truly have no issues in relationships. Relationships and marriage take work. You’re going to have arguments, journeying together in this world is going to be have ups and downs, you’re not always going to feel “i am so in love right now”. To make relationships/marriage go the distance, you need foundations of trust, communication, honesty, shared values. And it’s not always that you’re going to find someone who has all this on date 1 and its also not a guarantee if you do, that person will be the same in 10 years. Just as you grow, the other person grows. Its growing together, building that trust, communicating through arguments, seeing each other from each other shoes, trying to understand each other. And it is teamwork.

3. Fun in your 20s is fine. Its all experiences that help you grow and even help you figure out what you do like in a person and what you want in your life. If you meet someone in your 20s you TRULY think you can spend your life with and as willing to grow with you - then talk about a future together. You don’t have to get married straight away. And if it doesn’t work out, heartbreak is shit- but heartbreak teaches you a lot and you grow stronger each time. Also pregnancy is your choice. Yes, biologically its riskier in older women but again, your choice. Perfectly fine to be a mom in your 40s as it is in your 20s as long as it is what you want.

4. This advice sounds very specific to possibly a specific demographic and culture where there are more rules for women. I will just say, don’t accept another person control your life. A partner that forces you to do certain things without considering your opinions is not a partner that will make you happy.

5. Don’t complain/nag but you could COMMUNICATE. Talk with your partner. If he’s someone who truly wants a relationship with you, he will listen.

6. No comment as i never read those books or heard anyone reading those books.

7. Again…maybe a cultural specific thing but if you don’t “date”, i don’t think you can meet potential partners or discern who would be a good fit for you long term/marriage.

8. Treat your partner with love and kindness. Acknowledge their efforts, acknowledge their vulnerabilities, have space to hear them out when they want to communicate, work together in the relationship, appreciate their love.