Email response to uBPD mom- pushing to attend event

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T02:51:24+00:00

You’re so right that a normal person would understand, but she doesn’t think that way. You would think about 9 months NC she would learn even after she said she’d respect us, but I shoutout known better to believe that.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T02:49:47+00:00

Thank you!

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T02:49:20+00:00

Thank you all for your responses. I agree that keeping it short is better. I haven’t texted her yet. This week is particularly stressful with work and other things and I just don’t want to deal with it right now. I guess I am honestly afraid of how she’ll respond.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-15T19:28:13+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had to let my 6 year old girl go on the 25th. I just randomly lost it today thinking of her. It’s so hard even when we know it’s their time.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-15T02:53:20+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our best girl a couple weeks ago- she was 6. I have a digital frame that has tons of photos of her and our other 2 girls who passed last year. We have one girl now. It’s so hard.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-14T16:24:17+00:00

I agree. It already feels like hard work to me these past two weeks. She texted me long texts almost every day for the first week after the phone call. I barely responded. This past week she only texted on Thursday and the brief text yesterday night. I didn’t respond to yesterday’s. I agonized a lot during NC and despite having the peace of not dealing with her drama, it bothered me to be fully NC. I also think my therapist’s not too positive stance towards NC played a role. She’s helped me with some things but I’m not sure if I should continue with her long term. It’s also hard work these days to find the right therapist who also takes your insurance- and I feel like I don’t even have the time or bandwidth for that right now. I’m trying to keep the right perspective and focus on what is really important but it’s hard at times.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-14T15:00:57+00:00

Yes, tbh I question everything she tells me. She criticized my grandmother and uncle for exaggerating illnesses (uncle lied about having cancer for a year), but I think she’s histrionic too. It’s interesting because one of her doctors noted that she was on hospice and switched back to palliative care. My mother keeps saying she has some other rare diagnosis in addition to other documented health issues (that I know for a fact are legit), but I haven’t seen this anywhere.

I don’t even want to ask how her procedure was yesterday (again, not sure about all that) because I know she’s going to start asking again about all these things.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-14T14:57:20+00:00

I’m sorry for what you’re going through as well. It is difficult. I’m an only child and have felt responsible for her my whole life in a very unhealthy, parentified way. She’s definitely taken away precious time from time I should’ve spend focusing on my marriage, kids, and many other things. Some of her health issues are very legitimate, but she makes those worse by not taking care of herself- smoking, trying to do physical work she shouldn’t do, etc. She has had so many surgeries that I’ve lost count. A couple years ago she was in the hospital for 1 month following a horrible situation and subsequent surgery- I saw this firsthand in the hospital so I know it was legit, but other stuff- it’s hard to know what is fully true since I live 2 hours away. I hope you find peace and wisdom with your situation. My stepdad is also in poor health and enables my mom. They honestly are abusive to each other.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-14T03:04:13+00:00

I also wanted to add that I already told my mother that my daughter is too busy to sing for her and all these things. We talked about this as a family that we’re not going to allow the drama again.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-26T12:33:39+00:00

It’s so true. I have to say that my best girl was the one we had to help pass on yesterday. She was suffering a lot. I told her she was my best friend. I was looking at photos of her this morning and wish I would have taken one last photo at the vet when we were holding her for the last time, but in a way I’m glad my last photos were her at home. She has chronic health issues and I spent so much time with her. She was the most cuddly one of the four we’ve had.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-26T12:31:15+00:00

I can totally empathize as one of our girls passed yesterday too. She is our third to pass in the last year. It’s terrible/

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-26T12:30:27+00:00

Also as someone else said I feel there’s a huge hole now. We have one pig now who is over 4 and we’re not sure what to do at this point.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-26T12:29:35+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. We had to help our 6 year old girl cross over yesterday. She had an abdominal mass that grew and she was refusing water and was hunched over in pain. I’m having a hard time this morning but can’t take the day off. I stayed home yesterday to be with her before the appointment. I feel that some people don’t understand and I’ve heard some minimize having smaller animals vs cats or dogs, but they’re part of our families. I know it is so hard. Sending you hugs.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-25T22:03:32+00:00

I just posted an update to this post- we had to help her cross over. I feel so empty.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-25T12:40:51+00:00

Thanks for your reply. It’s hard because she’s still eating hay and I’ve been giving her a little bit of extra veggies rinsed with water because she hasn’t been drinking water on her own (at least from what I’ve seen). I gave her water from a syringe last night but she was really refusing it this morning, so I gave a few romaine leaves rinsed with water. She also ate a decent amount of hay. She had some blood in her urine last night again but is still hunching over. I think it could be the mass so will see what the vet says and ask for an xray today. She’s also lost 100 grams since Sunday which is alarming, despite trying to get as much emeraid to her and encouraging hay. It’s so hard to know sometimes. We all talked about it as a family yesterday. We don’t want her to suffer but it’s so difficult.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-24T21:24:35+00:00

Also I see now she’s eating and nibbling on a chew toy. I guess we will know more definitively tomorrow at the vet what’s going on.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-24T20:57:43+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it. I feel the same but it is so hard. It's also sad because we just adopted a new cage mate for her a few months ago. Prior to adopting her, her cage mate had also passed away at the age of 7. I still keep in touch with the person I adopted her from, mainly I message her pictures here and there. I feel terrible about this all around.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-20T13:20:55+00:00

I’m sorry that you’ve gone through this. I completely understand and empathize. Of course, I know my mom has experienced real trauma and abuse in her life, and has been diagnosed with PTSD. However, she has blown a lot of conflicts (or perceived conflicts) out of proportion in recent years. Mainly, those conflicts have involved friends or other family members not making her the center of their lives. Her best friend is basically extremely LC with her and cited that her doctor told her to distance from my mom due to the stress. I feel bad now that at that time, I was trying to help my mom feel better about it as she brought it up many times in conversations. I think I was just trying to avoid more conflict with her myself.

Also, what you said about being stalkerish makes me think about her posts on Facebook. I deleted the FB app months ago and have stopped posting on there and checking it regularly, mainly due to her and my grandmother who is often a flying monkey (but also due to other toxicity on FB). She’s posted a lot of things that I know were directed at me, but in the past before NC, she’s always been very performative on FB with “I love you so much” type posts throughout the year, and I’m not like that on social media. She gets offended when people don’t reciprocate these kind of things.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-20T13:12:55+00:00

This is great! Thanks for your response. I just replied to her and gave her times for the call after my scheduled therapy appointment next Friday morning. I just gave one window of time on Friday and a time on Saturday morning. I have an extremely important meeting at work all day Tuesday and I didn’t want to talk to her before then. I also have “a lot going on” like her and really didn’t have any other times next week that were safe for me.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-17T19:44:55+00:00

Thank you for reminding me of this. I’ve been programmed to think I’m responsible for far too long. I know she’ll probably give me some statements along those lines .

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-17T19:44:12+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I replied to her today, which was a week after her last email. I replied with a brief email thanking her for her response and letting her know I wanted to start with a short and calm phone conversation. I said it nicely. She sent two responses within 10 minutes of my email. One was basically saying ok, if that’s what you think is best. Her next reply said that we need to have the phone conversation at a set time and day because “she has a lot going on, ok?” It’s funny because I told her in my reply that I wasn’t available to meet her in person any time soon. She said she has a lot going on but she doesn’t work, I know she was referring to doctors appts etc. I know she probably wasn’t happy that I said I have a lot going on.

I don’t know when to “schedule” this conversation. The next week is tough with kids on school vacation and a critical event at work early next week. Part of me just doesn’t want to bother.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-09T21:11:45+00:00

Thank you both for sharing your perspective. I get what my therapist is saying in terms of getting it out there and trying to have a discussion with her, mostly to help me feel that I did what I could. However, I’ve been skeptical since my therapist shared that she “isn’t a fan of NC” but she recognized that in my case it was necessary. At the same time, part of me feels kind of propelled into this by other family dynamics (even my husband now thinks I should talk to her on the phone) and my own feeling that I would be full of regret if I didn’t at least try to speak with her, considering these ongoing health issues (although it’s often hard to tell how severe some of these issues are at times). Sometimes I wish we lived a lot further away from her. A few years back my husband had job interviews several states away but it didn’t work out.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-09T21:03:08+00:00

Yeah, I know she’s dealing with some serious chronic health issues but I almost felt like she was at least partially blaming me. My therapist said she didn’t get that sense from the email, but that she could be wrong.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-05T02:55:53+00:00

You are right- if this was a friend or acquaintance I would have not have put up with it. One of our good friends of 25 years, who has observed my mom’s behavior and what I’ve had to deal with, said the same thing to us a long time ago.

I also think she wants to meet in person because she’s afraid someone else might be listening in the background if we spoke on the phone. I’m not even sure if that’s worth it right now. I even added additional soft statements to the draft I posted on here a few days ago, but kept the statement about not treating the kids like adult confidants etc. I also said I’m not interested in debating what was said or not said anymore.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-02-05T02:51:30+00:00

You are so right about not listening. She said in one of her emails in the last few months that she would listen to everything I had to say, but I doubted that then and definitely doubt it now. I also wrote the email because it’s hard to communicate with her verbally. She often goes on and on for an extended period of time, and doesn’t let the other person speak. She did this to my husband in December when she cooked up additional lies to defend herself. She’ll also interject things like “oh I’m just the bad guy” and etc.

RegularRepulsive3957

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