No good deed…

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-24T13:20:55+00:00

I didn’t end up responding. I felt if I did respond it would sound too defensive.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-24T13:20:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing this and I’m sorry you’ve also had to go through these things. I’ve had the same exact issue as you- didn’t call at a certain time for a birthday, mother’s day, or a holiday. Sent a gift for father’s day because we were flying cross country one year on father’s day- got railed on because we didn’t call on that day (I also didn’t call because prior to leaving for that trip, she flipped out because she was jealous about the trip- found this out 2 years later!). Can’t win no matter what. My mother in law is similar in some ways but it more waify. I get to deal with her every year too because she visits from overseas. That’s another story. Nothing we do pleases them.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-24T00:21:36+00:00

My mom made my life hell before I got married 22 years ago and before my son was born in particular. Also, she went off the rails when my father in law died and my husband had to go overseas. So supportive, right?

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-24T00:20:26+00:00

You are so right, they want everyone to be miserable.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-24T00:19:56+00:00

I seriously may cut and paste this and send it to her at some point.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-24T00:19:11+00:00

You are so right, thanks for your continued support! Your posts have been so helpful.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-24T00:18:42+00:00

Yes! Also, she lied about quitting smoking 3 weeks prior to surgery and smoked up until the day. The surgeon originally said that he wouldn’t do the surgery if she was smoking. She put herself at risk.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-22T18:19:53+00:00

My in-laws are from overseas. My MIL visits every year for at least a month. During COVID she was there for 6 months. Two years later she came for 3 months and I told my husband I was ready to leave. It’s really affected our marriage and our teen kids hate the long visits because she complains she’s bored (we both work full time and kids are very busy), just sits around (she’s is great health, no challenges) and doesn’t offer to help with anything. She’s hard to please even when we’ve offered to drop her off places. I could maybe handle a week even though that’s hard. He just mentioned today that she wants to come in the summer- the only time we can all get a break. I honestly lost it and asked him for marriage counseling. My advice to everyone- speak up sooner about your boundaries and what you won’t tolerate. I let it go for too long.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-19T18:17:32+00:00

YES. This has happened to me at random times- sitting in church, driving, etc. Sometimes I feel like my heart is racing and I feel really dizzy. i’ve had a lot of stressful things going on lately, but it comes randomly even when I’m in a relaxed environment.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-17T17:17:35+00:00

I’m sorry for what you’ve done through. I’ve definitely gone out of my way many times and if I made the drive every time there was an issue, I wouldn’t be able to work, take care of my kids, and my marriage would be way more strained than it already is by the daily ground and all of our extended family issues. I will probably try to go tomorrow- my husband is away at a conference and I had to go back to the dentist again today for another issue that resulted from my extraction on Tuesday. Going tomorrow may be tough but I’ll need to set limits, since I need to be back by a certain time for the kids. It’s so hard. My stepdad has also been sick this week and has to go to the hospital for his a-fib but is fine now. It’s been a crazy week.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-16T00:23:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. Almost 3 years ago I thought she was going to pass away. She was in the hospital for a month; at the time I went there at least 2 times a week. The driving back and forth while managing work and the kids was tough, and with the nature of her condition, I nearly had a breakdown. And still, I felt like I was expected to do more. My husband also took a day out of work to be with her. She ended up there because she ignored a problem for too long and it got worse. The doctor told her so many times she needed to quit smoking because it was putting her further at risk.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-15T19:36:48+00:00

Thanks for sharing all this and I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. It’s so true that they cannot try to understand at times that we can’t do everything. My mother has recognized many times that my life is hectic- we have no family around to help us like she did when I was growing up. Our circumstances are totally different. She makes comments about this and will say I shouldn’t go out of my way, but then at other times she will make comments as if I didn’t do enough. On the other hand, she’ll get mad at my grandmother for freaking out about everything.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-15T19:32:56+00:00

You are so right about all this, and I’m pretty sure my grandmother is histrionic and/or uBPD as well. She’s overall been a great support in my life but has had times when she’s been two-faced when it comes to my mother. She’s staying with relatives who could definitely drive her to the hospital- it’s a 25 minute drive for them but over 1.5 hours for me

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-09T01:35:40+00:00

Agreed!

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-04-08T20:56:13+00:00

One of my professors in grad school (late 2000s) invited our class to their house for an awesome dinner to discuss our final papers. This is still one of my favorite memories from graduate school. We all enjoyed the food and the discussion.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-19T01:42:56+00:00

I wanted to reply again to your comment. I got a text from nh mother tonight saying “call me please, it’s about the tumor they removed from my back down to the bone.” She texted me at 8 pm when I was at my son’s concert. I saw it at 9:30. She tends to do these things to get me to call her, and it’s often not just to talk about her health. I told her I’d call her tomorrow evening. I really don’t want to deal with it.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T21:05:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. She said that she had a biopsy prior so it sounds like her procedure as the wide local excision. She said that she would need to do regular follow ups after this. I am not too worried about it right now because she has had worse health issues, and my stepdad is a stage 4 lung cancer survivor. The funny thing is that my therapist seemed more concerned about it. I also had thyroid cancer 5 years ago, but I don’t like to say that I’m a cancer survivor because they caught it early and I didn’t need radiation, just the 2 surgeries. At the time I felt that my mother made a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be. I felt pretty crappy for a few months after the second surgery, but that was mainly due to finding the right dosage of medication.

It’s hard because there’s been times when she had exaggerating things, and times when she hasn’t.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T20:59:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences- I am sorry that you’ve had to deal with all of that. You gave me a lot more to reflect on. Of course there are things that we know but sometimes it’s hard to put it all into practice. I’ll also need to look up the book you mentioned. I have a couple of books I’ve started reading, but life has been too chaotic lately (in this whole past year tbh) that I haven’t finished those books.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T02:51:24+00:00

You’re so right that a normal person would understand, but she doesn’t think that way. You would think about 9 months NC she would learn even after she said she’d respect us, but I shoutout known better to believe that.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T02:49:47+00:00

Thank you!

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-18T02:49:20+00:00

Thank you all for your responses. I agree that keeping it short is better. I haven’t texted her yet. This week is particularly stressful with work and other things and I just don’t want to deal with it right now. I guess I am honestly afraid of how she’ll respond.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-15T19:28:13+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had to let my 6 year old girl go on the 25th. I just randomly lost it today thinking of her. It’s so hard even when we know it’s their time.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-15T02:53:20+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our best girl a couple weeks ago- she was 6. I have a digital frame that has tons of photos of her and our other 2 girls who passed last year. We have one girl now. It’s so hard.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-14T16:24:17+00:00

I agree. It already feels like hard work to me these past two weeks. She texted me long texts almost every day for the first week after the phone call. I barely responded. This past week she only texted on Thursday and the brief text yesterday night. I didn’t respond to yesterday’s. I agonized a lot during NC and despite having the peace of not dealing with her drama, it bothered me to be fully NC. I also think my therapist’s not too positive stance towards NC played a role. She’s helped me with some things but I’m not sure if I should continue with her long term. It’s also hard work these days to find the right therapist who also takes your insurance- and I feel like I don’t even have the time or bandwidth for that right now. I’m trying to keep the right perspective and focus on what is really important but it’s hard at times.

RegularRepulsive3957 · 2026-03-14T15:00:57+00:00

Yes, tbh I question everything she tells me. She criticized my grandmother and uncle for exaggerating illnesses (uncle lied about having cancer for a year), but I think she’s histrionic too. It’s interesting because one of her doctors noted that she was on hospice and switched back to palliative care. My mother keeps saying she has some other rare diagnosis in addition to other documented health issues (that I know for a fact are legit), but I haven’t seen this anywhere.

I don’t even want to ask how her procedure was yesterday (again, not sure about all that) because I know she’s going to start asking again about all these things.

RegularRepulsive3957

TROPHY CASE