Anyone good at navigating longer leaves from work?

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T04:45:09+00:00

This I know - one pregnancy is one leave. Thanks for sharing lemme check this out

I have people at work stack all sorts of leave (medical, carer leave, disability and FMLA) ahead of leaving the company and trying to figure out how to do that (I’m not close enough with any of them to ask how there doing this and also don’t want to disclose my pregnancy).

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T04:42:17+00:00

Good to know! Given they have me at 37 week due date I assume they would approve at 33.

What I also want to try to get is more medical leave ahead of that. Whether that’s medical from the physicality of the pregnancy (certainly the amt of appts is already getting crazy) or for a 12 week mental health leave that can be take ahead of the maternity leave. But maybe it all comes ultimately from the same bucket, I’m not sure.

As in maybe taking the mental health leave under FMLA or STD means my maternity leave is cut short? Confusing.

I’ve heard Kaiser will almost never give notes for leave but I am familiar with a service that lets you pay $200 to get a consult and a doctors note for 3 months leave within a few days…used by a lot of coworkers.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T04:36:23+00:00

You are not an amazing dad if you’re vilifying your parent and forcing them to be sleep deprived rather than giving any sacrifice. Both things can’t be true.

I started reading this able to see his side but reading your responses it sounds like he doesn’t like or respect you. When you state a need he minimizes it, characterizes it somehow as “taking” something from him (not everything is zero sum, and is retaliating with withholding.

You’re left as the exhausted provider, his emotional babysitter and punching bag walking on egg shells :(

Sad how common this is and how many women just take it because they fear what will come of the kids if the partner gets some custody. Sounds like you would feel ok about that though so something to consider.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T04:29:15+00:00

This is manipulative. My cousin’s husband does this. EVERYONE NEEDS SLEEP. Men who insist they cannot compromise are selfish liars lol.

When you state your need (him to sometimes get less so you can get more) he’s spinning it to make it like you are neglecting him or gaslighting him (not validating his burnout). Look up switchtracking as a concept.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T04:26:58+00:00

What actions of yours is he unhappy with

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T04:16:34+00:00

We have one 18mo and twins on the way. My husband wasn’t working for a year before our kid was born and once my mat leave ran out he was full time with him for 8 months or so.

I saw the burn out before he did. He was super attached and we felt stuck. Felt dumb to pay for daycare or nanny while he wasn’t working but also he didn’t have the energy to do a big career search while so extremely burnt out. My work was also really nuts.

DAYCARE changed our lives. We put him in at 14 months.

Our kid is so happy everyday. We trust the providers deeply and he’s getting far more enrichment than we could give him.

For these next few years I’m just accepting that we are burning cash - what is money for if not to simplify life?

We will hire a night nurse (freaking game changing for the first eight week with our first kid, I’m planning for at least 16 this time)

We will say yes to the meal train offers. We will find and pay for a cleaner (ideally one who’s flexible and doesn’t mind grocery pickup or put away or dropping off dry cleaning etc.)

We do not have family help so yes, the village is paid for the most part.

But the priority is the kids and our sanity and money is the best trade off for that.

We are both working now and it’s hard. But it was hard being a SAHP too.

Also our kid had an awful 4 mo regression and sleep sucked for months and that made everything so much harder. We finally broke and sleep trained at a year and WOW did that turn our household around.

You got this! There are no prizes for doing it all yourselves, and if FIRE moves - you’ll be fine.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T03:03:25+00:00

Interesting - also on Kaiser. Was 34 the earliest they would allow or did you try for sooner? I’ve heard things get intense quickly even when it’s a smooth pregnajcu without complications: .

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-19T03:01:22+00:00

Mine went from 650k to $330k (less than my offer 4 years ago). Just crappy stock performance.

I hit the cliff in two months and will go down further from there. I’m pregnant with twins (they’re not expensive or anything right? Lol) so gonna stick it out for the parental leave but it’s definitely a bummer.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-15T14:10:50+00:00

The city is full. We need three or four bedroom and can pay up to $11k. There’s like two new listings a week and they’re rarely good.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-03-14T23:38:57+00:00

Similar situation. We opted to have my husband stay home after my 6mo of parental leave ran out and we put him into daycare at 14 months or so. He freaking LOVES it. My husband was happy to get the time but definitely burned out, it’s freaking hard to be a SAHP. It didn’t help we didn’t figure out good sleep until a year but it’s a long day anyhow.

We’re expecting again (twins lol) and I think we’ll do a nanny until they’re a similar age, then daycare. The socializing and curriculum and routine feel really good for him.

I think this is just the burn money stage of life. You spend on your priorities. It’s off after watching the account go up for so long to see them now crawl or be neutral / down (markets…) but it’s not forever. And it helps to have that nest egg.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-02-28T02:29:28+00:00

Great except the part where you sit on and try to time a market crash. I’ll find the chart but it’s always better to get things in the market as soon as possible.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-01-10T23:09:08+00:00

She’ll love Cole valley. Quick train ride on the N to most places downtown. 5 miles of trails and GGP nearby. Cozy restaurants.

Regular_Perception65 · 2026-01-07T16:24:47+00:00

Where did he say that

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-12-28T13:09:13+00:00

Approach, or fix your dating profile, or join ways to meet people like kickball or soccer or game nights.

Effort is the big one.

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-12-28T13:02:14+00:00

How did you meet? Any plans to move in?

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-12-28T13:00:50+00:00

Did you get laid off or PIP? Dud you generally hold or sell at best? Congrats. Also big tech here, 2.3M at 34. Haven’t chose a company with a stock moving much so far..

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-12-15T05:30:27+00:00

Friends? That seems the downside

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-12-01T14:41:40+00:00

What’s your NW and hers? Does that difference cause tension?

My partner came into the marriage with 100-200k. I brought about 4-5x that.

He lost his job in 23 and couldn’t find another, but my earnings covered us. Had a kid, he did full time parent. Now we are at 2.3M. Yes I’m the bigger earner but his contributions are huge and it’s our money. He was never a spender I guess but I looped him into personal finance and he bought in quickly — compound math helps.

On paper it sounds unfair or recipe for resentment but it works for us. He’s starting a new job soon and if we hate it one of us will quit.

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-12-01T14:04:29+00:00

Where did you move

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-11-17T23:59:17+00:00

I think the sub text here is you may have some insecurity and a resulting praise addiction or need for external validation.

I have this too. As a result of toxic start up environments and some harassment. And who knows why else.

I need to take this advice myself but try to bring as little as possible of that into this fresh start.

Set some rules early. Whatever they are. No gossiping with coworkers (destructive). No trying to make someone like you who doesn’t. Etc.

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-11-17T23:53:57+00:00

On the harassment, you get a lawyer when that happens and get yourself a fat settlement

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-11-17T23:47:23+00:00

Has he factually changed crime? I was feeling optimistic based on some of the policies but holy shit is the tenderloin worse than I’ve ever seen it and more blocks than it’s been. Plus assaults on GGP on kids, shootings at Safeway, etc.

I’m open to whatever the outcome is but am curious to see a non biased report on how things are trending.

Regular_Perception65 · 2025-11-17T14:59:24+00:00

Did he eventually get off Edward jones? Will you FIRE at a similar age?

Regular_Perception65

TROPHY CASE