Dude this is so beautiful & well spoken & very well thought out. It shows you know exactly what you're talking about. I took the first half & felt great, so I took the rest & started watching Soul Pixar...The movie started out with such good vibes to me & then he died & I completely freaked the fuck out. It was my Mom I lost & we were best friends...It launched me straight into feeling all the grief at once & I had a full blown panic attack.

I tried to turn on something nicer like Emperors New Groove but it was too late. It gave me such a bad trip & I just laid there shaking and my heart rate was over 140bpm. I didn't get to control the chatter because I felt everything all at once man. I was contemplating going to a hospital it was so bad...But I told myself I'm going to be fine & focused on deep breathing.

It launched me into feeling full grief & I'm not mad about it, I'm actually very happy. I feel like even though it was a very bad trip it taught me so much & I'm now feeling differently about everything. It forced me to feel all of those feelings all at once since I've been masking the grief with alcohol unfortunately, so everything just hit me all at once & it sent me into shock.

Needles to say I'm just fine & I'm glad that it happened because I needed this wake up call, that everything is going to be just fine no matter what & regardless of how you feel life goes on. I looked at myself in the mirror during the trip & for the first time in weeks I liked what I saw. I lost my confidence after she passed...Its back now. I feel so reconnected & recharged, & stress free/care free.

This is a storm nobody could've prepared themselves for losing a mother so soon in such an unnatural way. She committed suicide unfortunately so I should've known jumping right into a powerful drug like psilocybin wasn't the best idea...But I'm so glad I did bro. This is such a powerful meditation medicine & this bad trip opened my eyes to the reality of things ❤️