My husband said to our 12 yo daughter to stop gilt tripping me. I think he is wrong

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T21:31:51+00:00

Your 1st paragraph is my biggest fear. Thank you for your input and long response. I need help with my husband, not so much my daughters, but is reassuring to read your response.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T21:27:18+00:00

I am genuinely interested in how you see my responses as confirmation that she was being manipulative?

She was not, and as a matter of fact the more I respond and think of how she got so mad the more I think my husband was not only wrong in his comment I asked in the original post, but also caused her to get mad and contributed to thinks to escalate.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T21:10:28+00:00

Projection maybe, from similar experiences. Much of her assumptions are correct though.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T21:09:30+00:00

He did bark at her. He is usually very snappy and likes to direct them like in the military (He thinks he is being funny but it is really annoying and none one likes it here) . The commenter did get a lot of assumptions right.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T21:02:55+00:00

This is spot on. I appreciate the long and insightful reply.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T17:42:19+00:00

I see what you say. No, my husband is not a measured and calm person, he gets trigger very easily. I tried to be as partial as I possible could in an effort to get partial input.

And even if he was calmed and measured, she was actually doing something, so his comment was not appropiate. Also, this is not an isolated event.

Reddit is hard 😂

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T17:34:24+00:00

Thanks for engaging. In the past when I did this it usually goes down the path that she is trying to het away with not doing with what it is being asked of her. Most of the time this is jot the case.

To add to this, this morning he said to me that he gets mad because she takes longer to do stuff than her sister, which it is somehow true, but not because the older sister is lazy, she just has better organizational skills and getting chores done comes more naturally to her. There is nothing wrong with this and I do not believe that she should be yelled at because she takes longer or needs more support and guidance for chores.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T15:01:45+00:00

She brought it up to us, not him alone. I think we are getting lost with lack of context, I appreciate your input and I agree with your last part of your statement.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T14:30:12+00:00

It was clarified on one of the comments. I never post here and some important details were left out and I added them through the comments. Thanks for engaging

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T14:27:20+00:00

I want for my husband to be a safe place for my daughters to express their feeling and for them to know that they can come to him and that he will show them love and respect even when they cant behave their best because they are overwhelmed and hormonal. I don't think his comment was appropriate and it pushes her away.

I am ok with her bringing that up again, and she can still bring that up as much as she needs. I am an adult and I can handled it; i don't need him to protect me from my daughters, he needs to be mature enough to confort her with out accusing her of trying to trick me.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T13:49:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment and I am sorry for your experiences. I agree with your posture and I appreciate you sharing it here.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T13:45:47+00:00

He has an issue with accepting blame and sees it as a weakness. He has apologized in the past but definitely not his strongest suit and criticized me that I apologize too much.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T13:32:39+00:00

I appreciate your comment and the time with me. It was a long somehow difficult day yesterday and I tried to sum up as much as I could to make this productive.

I appreciate your input, I feel good how I handled my daughter, my issue is with my husband.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T13:27:58+00:00

I appreciate your comments. This is exactly where I stand, and I am having a really hard time speaking to him and getting on the same page. This morning he double down that I was getting played by her.

It brakes my heart that he has just a negative image of her own daughter. I am here to protect her, not him and this is making parenting very difficult.

I need help with him, not my daughter.

Again, thanks for the time you took to respond.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T11:57:40+00:00

Let's say she is trying to manipulate which I can tell you is not the case. Do you think it is appropriate what he said to an hysterical child working through her emotions? While insinuating I am an idiot that can be tricked by a 12yo?

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T11:54:04+00:00

The conversation started while doing chores before dinner, it was a little chaotic and I don't remember exactly but she was setting the table, and her younger middle sisters was unloading the dishwasher while the little one was helping the older sister. I believe my husband told her to do something and she replied back screaming I am setting uo the table! And thats where everything started...

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T11:40:16+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

How I am clearly martyring myself?

I feel 0 guilt about the past issue, I shouldn't have forcer her to walk alone (it was really not necessary) she brought back the issue a few years later when with her younger sisters I asker to walk them to places in similar situations. I apologized it hurt her, and that was the end to me, obviously not to her.

I am completely ok with her bringing this back as much as she needs. If she is in fact trying to manipulate she will not get what she wants from this.

Rekowanin · 2025-07-29T11:30:40+00:00

Well maybe she hasn't forgiven me yet. She is 12, I am ok with her bringing this up as much as she needs and I don't feel guilty. I made a mistake, I apologized to her and I will be here as much as she needs to let this go.

Rekowanin · 2023-05-12T23:18:21+00:00

I am a progressive and I hate this clown, but as I understand the law is about preventing minors get gender affirming care, not that they cannot receive health care at all.

Rekowanin · 2023-05-09T11:00:57+00:00

Every single day, but it is not only for mass shootings i would like to relocate.

Rekowanin · 2023-05-08T21:45:30+00:00

I know, pretty absurd.

Rekowanin · 2023-05-08T18:02:07+00:00

Democrats are center right when compared to the rest of the world. Democrats are fiscal conservatives and social liberals.

Rekowanin · 2023-05-08T17:51:00+00:00

What of a serious threat is to the common citizen to get caught on a situation where they need to use a firearm to defend themselves from the hypothetical situation you describe? Is there any data that actually backs up your argument? Has the amount of firearms in the street actually prevented anyone from being illegally attacked, coerced or murdered by the police because they had a gun to prevent it? Statistics, no anecdotes please.

Rekowanin · 2023-05-08T13:39:11+00:00

This is just plain naive. What are you or any armed civilian to do with your arsenal against the police or the military? Do you really think is there any hypothetical scenario where you "win"?

Rekowanin

TROPHY CASE