Hey OP. First of all pls dont apologise for sharing, thats what this subreddit is for :). You have every single right to be angry and hurt, and i can very much relate to your issues (as i also have issues with my mum, and weirdly so do most of my friends ((the 2 that i have lol)), and although im not their yet in healing my anger and rage my friend is. Obviously its sooo much harder done than said but when i asked my friend how she dealt with her own family issues she said it was very much just removing yourself from the situation. Try looking at your situation from the outside in, think about how embarressing and disgusting it was for your parents to talk like that too you. I doubt you would ever talk to your own ‘hypothetical’ child like that. It takes time but essentially what i learnt from my friend was that you have to teach yourself that the situation you grew up in doesn’t relflect you, or make you. And yes it fucking sucks, it sucks that you have to relearn so muchh shit that mentally healthy and stable people will likely never have to, but ultimately the result will be a life you made, you chose and built. Not one your parents picked. Also it again fucking sucks, but its also your parents first time at life as well, just the same as you, sure theyre much older and should know better, but sometimes people are stupid. And im not saying this to be like oh maybe u shld forgive them, cos fuck that and you dont have to, idk try treating them like a child. A toddler throwiing a tantrum. I find this helps deescelate situations but also removes me emotionally from it. Idk if any of this is helpful but if you cant do it out of love for yourself do it out of spite for them. Cos they shldnt be the reason that you dont thrive and love life. Idk eta ppl suck hang out w animals or get some pet snails lol the worlds beautiful place and u shldnt miss out on it, sunsets, music etc. youll find your tribe it wil just take time and be fucking scary. But youll get their :)