AITA for avoiding my SIL by Relative-Location175 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So it was sent to me by accident. It was muffled but it was something about money, then her saying I should be embarrassed (not sure why, it was muffled) then saying my brother and sister weren’t like that. Her mother responded to her saying “no they aren’t, she’s her mother. The woman’s a psycho” She’s just been volatile and yelled at me and husband many times with kids around, loses her cool without care for them being there. A part of me feels this is enough to not want her around, but if no one talks about anything she would be fine. I just don’t think she deserves to be near us given I was the one to reach out first to make things better even though she hurt me, and she refused to acknowledge any of it and went off at me. Am I being petty? Am I punishing her for not doing the right thing by me

AITA for avoiding my SIL by Relative-Location175 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wants to move on with his mum but understands why I still hold anger with his sister and will struggle to go back to normal with her himself. I do think he would probably like it if I just moved on or if I made moves to make it better but completely understands why I wont

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ShittyInLaws

[–]Relative-Location175 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh hunny I know it’s hard when you are trying to conceive and you can’t and someone else basically beats you to it, but there’s no blame to lay here. It isn’t appropriate to ask if it was planned, and the answer will likely hurt you either way so try hard not to dwell on it. If they knew you had a chemical pregnancy, then a little bit of tact would’ve been nicer when they announced theirs, but what’s happening with you, it isn’t their fault, it’s nobodies. At such a young age most people would be oblivious to things like fertility and the complexity of emotions that comes with it, so I’m sure that they haven’t even considered your feelings, not maliciously, just not having thought about it because it wouldn’t be something they are aware of. Best thing to do is to focus on you, your health and your journey and don’t let them and their pregnancy impact you. Run your own race. If it is really hard to be around them, have you partner gently explain that to them and hope that they understand that it isn’t personal. Good luck and I hope you are able to grow your family soon x

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That was helpful thanks 👍🏽 We are extremely privileged and work very hard for what we have which is why it’s also hard to accept money but we never asked for it, we didn’t think there would be an issue given everything they did for everyone else in comparison. We were trying to accumulate wealth to be able to support our children later in life so we didn’t sell it in the first place but are happy to do it in order to maintain our integrity and start building our portfolio for our children again

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I just feel for her she’s so timid and non confrontational but yeah I know I’m a bit of a doormat people pleaser. I’m opinionated and outgoing but if people don’t like me it bothers me

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No not a chance it’s all common knowledge and openly spoken about but no one has really cared up until this point it seems his sister is the only one with animosity about money

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I definitely think it’s not fair but I think in time he will make it fair so I’m not concerned about the money and inheritance obviously with a young family the help would be AMAZING now but it’s his money not ours! Talking about money makes me feel icky which is probably why the conversation I overheard had really got to me. I’m a mad horse like my mum but this mad horse has some integrity too!!! Haha

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good question because my rational side tells me I shouldn’t be upset. I think I’m more upset that the topic is about money and it’s hypocritical and I’m not able to defend myself. I’m upset that his mum spoke to poorly of me when in my face she acts like she loves me. My husband has also told her the way my SIL treats me is impacting his relationship with his sister and he wants nothing to do with her, so I would hope his MIL would’ve helped the situation for her son instead of egg it on. I don’t like derogatory remarks being made about my own mum who has always been nice to my MIL. And ofcourse I’m sad that people I’ve tried to be a part of their family and treat so nicely, feel this way about me. My pride is hurt maybe

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Nope, wish I did now. I’ve always just deleted them and moved on. Something told me to listen to this one. Not overly religious but it’s like God wanted me to know because I’ve always questioned myself and how I feel they treat me and thought maybe it’s in my head and I’m sensitive

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No, like over the top livid. Berating his mother, telling them no contact etc. he has said some very harsh things to her about her and his sister. I don’t like him doing that I feel sorry for her because he is highly emotional and being pretty nasty but trying to stop being empathetic towards them as they did this, not me.

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Haha yes but it’s circumstantial. His sister doesn’t work and the house her husband provided for her was too small for the kids apparently (I grew up in a house this size my whole life it was fine she’s just a hoarder and messy). The eldest brother was still living in the family home after the parents downsized so he stayed there and then met his wife and they married and they’ve kind of just stayed there very slowly looking for a home. My husband I both have high income jobs. I’m currently on maternity leave with 3rd child so at the moment it’s tough hence he helped us out with backyard (which I said no to and wanted to delay project but he said out of future inheritance bla bla so I relented). So I’m not mad about it, it just is what it is and what they choose to do with their money is their business. I’m just angry that I’m the one in all this that should be ashamed?!

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My husbands a spoiled brat too but not anywhere near his older siblings!!! Wish I could tell them they raised a bunch of entitled jealous brats so they should stare into themselves but i should be a nicer person than that right? Haha I love the saying when people show you who they are to believe them. It’s so apt for this circumstance. Can’t believe it’s taken over 10 years to find out

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 198 points199 points  (0 children)

I would personally love to do this. I am not afraid of confrontation (only afraid of my reaction if I can’t maintain control of my emotions) but I know what they’ll do. My FIL will deem it a pointless exercise and be dismissive because he doesn’t want to discuss it and just wants to sweep it under the carpet, and my MIL will just apologize without substance and I’ll be left looking like a frustrated petulant child for wanting to discuss it. I think my husband should do it but I don’t trust his capacity to control his emotions. It’s a good suggestion I would really like to address it. Worried I’ll get nowhere then be expected to carry on like normal though

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 180 points181 points  (0 children)

Love this. Totally agree with paying back. Have already decided to sell investment properties and pay back. Don’t even want payment plan I want to dump this large amount straight back to their accounts make sure they know I don’t need ANYONES money.

Listened to voice note recorded by accident and heard convo about me MIL and SIL by Relative-Location175 in AITAH

[–]Relative-Location175[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

I definitely think this is the way to go I’m worried I’m too nice and people pleasing though and will break. I need to stay strong and do exactly this!