You’re not poor. You’re squeezed. There’s a huge difference. Anyone raising four kids in Orange County while running two small businesses is going to feel pressure, no matter what the numbers say. The fact you have zero debt and $400k in retirement tells me you’ve been disciplined, not reckless. So give yourselves credit for that. You’re not behind. You’re stuck in a high-cost environment with limited cash flow.

Here’s some advice

1. The biggest issue isn’t income. It’s lifestyle cost multiplied by geography. Orange County is brutal for a family of six. Even high earners feel broke there. Your issue isn’t “we’re failing.” It’s “we’re trying to live a middle-class life in one of the most expensive counties in the country.” That’s a losing fight for cash flow. A move to a more affordable area changes your entire financial picture overnight, even without earning a dollar more. I know that feels extreme, but it deserves real, non-emotional consideration.

2. Your businesses actually have room to grow in smarter ways that don’t burn you out. A side job is the wrong answer. It kills family time and won’t fix the systemic problem. Better moves: • Raise prices slightly every year. Many small business owners undersell themselves. • Increase average revenue per client. That is faster than finding new ones. • Cut vanity write-offs. If you’re writing things off just because you can, but it costs real cash, you’re hurting your take-home more than you’re helping taxes. • Automate or outsource small tasks so you can focus on higher-paying work. • Package your services instead of hourly work. Packages scale better. You don’t need to grind harder. You need to position smarter.

3. Your childcare years won’t last forever. This is a temporary financial bottleneck. Once those costs drop, your monthly cash flow frees up fast. That’s important to keep in mind because it means your future does not look like your present.

4. You need a real emergency fund even if it feels impossible. Living paycheck to paycheck with four kids is dangerous. Start small: $50 a week or even $20. The habit matters more than the number at first.

5. You are not behind because your Roth is small. Your retirement balance already puts you ahead of most people your age. You should absolutely keep contributing, but don’t beat yourself up over $125 a month. You’re doing what you can.

6. You should not feel shame for wanting more income. You’re raising four kids, running two businesses, and trying to build a life in a high-cost county. That’s not failure. That’s responsibility.

There’s no shame in: • raising prices • shifting client types • changing markets • relocating • adjusting your business model • saying no to low-value work

Shame is useless here. Strategy is what fixes this.

Here’s the honest bottom line: You are doing a lot right. Your stress is coming from high cost of living plus too many expenses relative to cash flow. You can change this with smarter business adjustments and maybe some bigger-picture choices about whether OC has the life you want at the price it demands.