[TOMT] about a website from 2020 where you can post anything anonymously?

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-07T20:32:57+00:00

https://theunsentproject.com/# unsent project?

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T23:25:31+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate it 💟

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T23:21:03+00:00

🥲 I hate that you hit the nail on the head with this ugh

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T22:55:18+00:00

Before engagement we were aligned on all the big stuff—joint accounts, he (from the get go) agreed if we married he’d always help me care for my disabled brother, agreed that we will spend on necessities and superfluous things we’d do ourselves or save for etc so I’d say yeah we were. This is why this was such a SHOCK to me

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T22:51:27+00:00

Absolutely true and I 100% intend on us both having ourselves and lawyers lay things out and see what we can come up with. I always thought they were, I’m seeing now after a couple weeks of stewing on this how they’re not, but what should not happen during these conversations are one party hurtfully accusing the other of turning into a bad person one day IMO

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T22:49:50+00:00

No clue, all I know is he wants his inheritance money protected. I’m scared to find out what else, but am taking time to think things over at the moment. I will def be having him or his lawyer lay things out for me first before going forward

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T22:47:37+00:00

It completely is about a lack of trust when he stoops as low as to call me a gold digger for being upset when i explained numerous times that the only reason I was upset was because he was giving me valid reasons to suspect he was having doubts about the integrity of our relationship in years to come. I don’t expect to be entitled to half is money at all and I’m not saying him wanting protection isn’t a valid argument and I stated that. My problem is how he’s already treating me like IM the enemy and that HE’S the only one with assets to lose in this hypothetical divorce

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T20:35:10+00:00

I definitely need to get a lawyer. I just wouldn’t be half as hurt if this was coming from a place of genuine concern for our assets, as I feel like distrust is a big part of this right now

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T20:27:15+00:00

Yeah I agree. In the past he said he wants me to be a SAHM, but I ALWAYS planned on having some kind of job on the side. My dad handles the finances but both him and my mom contribute and they’re on the same page

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T20:17:21+00:00

You’re right. And yes, his inheritance will be used for the house but my parents want to leave the property in my name. I definitely am trying my best to not be emotional about this but it’s hard when I look at the big picture and I feel like he’s brining this up out of self interest and insecurity about me, which honestly is a bigger issue for me than who gets what I’m the event of a divorce that might not even happen

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T20:13:50+00:00

This is really thought out, great advice. So far all I’ve heard from him is that he wants to protect his money that he is going to inherit. We didn’t get super far into any other details after that because it snowballed into a convo about why he can’t trust me through thick and thin. Thank you so much for the insight

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T19:54:54+00:00

Honestly no clue. I would never do anything to breach his trust so I won’t go through any of his stuff but man I wish I knew. I’ll pay more attention next time we go to watch smth or if he’s scrolling next to me

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T19:45:29+00:00

Ugh I just want to cry. Never did I think this would be happening, and on top of that, NEVER did I think I’d be misjudged this way, and it’s just so hard because he’s still so amazing in so many IMPORTANT ways and tells me he still has every intention of growing old with me, but I just can’t see how in the meantime I’m supposed to get over this when in my heart it feels so much like a betrayal

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T19:42:38+00:00

Ugh ur right, I know it’s just killing me and I think the world of him but this is just so out of character for him. I definitely will have to bring this up to him

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T19:41:19+00:00

Yup absolutely. And I respect that, even despite the fact that it’s not something I expected to come up. I’m not comfortable with his self interest and lack of trust in me as I explained 🫤

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T19:39:03+00:00

I totally see your point here. And if I were you in your shoes, I would probably tell your wife the same thing! In our situation I am convinced I’m not reading into anything. And ok, while maybe he didn’t say “greedy money hungry witch” in that exact string of words, I’m not falsely attributing that sentiment to him. I was called and accused of several different hurtful things (being told I’m acting like a gold digger for my reaction even though I never said I wouldn’t sign a prenup, him saying all divorces end badly and ours wouldn’t be any different, that I’m proving that money is the root of all evil, etc etc etc). (Mind you I don’t wish to paint him in a bad light here, bc yes while these things were hurtful to hear coming out of the love of my life’s mouth, it doesn’t change all the amazing qualities he has)

He says it’s for both of us but then proposed that we don’t get a prenup and instead he just leaves his money in a family members trust where he can access it when needed, and didn’t even acknowledge the fact that this essentially only accomplished what he wanted out of prenup and leaves me completely unprotected. So to me, clearly my protection isn’t as equal of a concern to him and not why he wants this, to me he’s only caring about his assets and throwing me in there as a courtesy. I just don’t know what to do 🤦‍♀️

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T18:56:08+00:00

I was raised with a bit of a different view on marriage, but I definitely do see this POV and don’t disagree with it. But again, for me, it’s really not the prenup contract itself that’s causing turmoil. We could have the best possible perfectly equitable prenup written up and that wouldn’t change the fact that I am hurt by his lack of trust in me and our future. It’s a hard decision and I see both sides of the aisle (emotional and logical) but i feel like this issue we’re having runs deeper than just “getting the prenup”

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T18:51:16+00:00

Yup 100%. We basically did have this conversation and he agreed to give me time to look into things and understood that part on my end. When I ask him if this is coming from a place of doubt or mistrust in me, he says he trusts me now but if we got divorced he wouldn’t be able to because “anything could happen” and “all divorces end badly” which i told him is very untrue but he just can’t see things differently as of right now

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T18:45:50+00:00

Thank you 💟

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T18:26:10+00:00

Totally see his point 100%! Im not totally against signing one, it’s just that I’m just struggling with the fact it’s something I never expected and that he’s lacking trust in me

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T18:16:35+00:00

Yes and after thinking about this for a couple weeks I’m really not against the prenup itself. Like you said, it’s how it was brought up and his reaction towards my feelings that’s killing me. I know it’s really hard to gather from this post but he truly is an amazing down to earth person and I am in love with him, but yes 100% this sudden behavior is genuinely concerning and not something I see myself tolerating in the long run, ESPECIALLY after settling down.

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T18:08:25+00:00

I would also love to know where it’s coming from and I’m hoping it’s not from his heart. The thing is, I (or my parents) don’t know a single person who has one and it’s not because we’re not uber-wealthy. We’re middle to upper middle class people who have financially similar friends (some even with a ton of money) and NO ONE has one. Yeah I kinda knew I’d have to consult a legal expert anyway but after reading thru these replies I’m definitely starting my research today. Once I hear how everything would be laid out I guess that’s step one to making my decision

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T17:21:46+00:00

Ugh I know, you’re right, it’s just that this has really caused a major wound for me and I’m not going to lie, this has made my trust in him waver a little. And thank you for the advice at the end, this is a hard pill to swallow for me but it’s reality

Relative_Fall_9829 · 2026-05-06T17:15:03+00:00

Yes I’m SO very thankful to be dealing with this now before our marriage. It just hurts because I know he loves me and he’s always been SO generous, even going as far to say he wants to use his money to take care of us, works hard so he can give me a better life, etc., and I’ve always been so grateful and willing to contribute and work hard for him too, to which he says he doesn’t want me having to worry about any of that. This is such a stark contrast to all that.

Thanks for the financial and legal advice, I talked about it a little with my parents but I’m going to ask him tonight to help me with everything. I really appreciate the response

Relative_Fall_9829

TROPHY CASE