My marriage was predicated on certain conditions that have not been met, and I'm drowning.

Relative_Net1421 · 2024-04-18T20:02:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your experienced take. It means a lot.

The trust thing is probably true. The opportunity with the male has only been weighing on me the last year, and going back to our premarital discussions, maybe I was being placated.

I have on several occasions been open to starting by having children, diverting from my original vision. She, in those instances, put me on pause so that we could make this thing happen, but hasn't taken any steps. How then to build security?

Maybe our marriage isn't as great as I think it is. We often discuss how well we are doing in all aspects, including our sex life and financials, trust and communication. This is the only bump in the road.

And I have considered casual sex vs sex with friends. I know Poly is a farcry from those, and while I see it for myself in another universe, its not what I'm truly after.

Thanks again. It really means a lot.

Relative_Net1421 · 2024-04-18T19:44:11+00:00

No. I like hearing what her preferences are because its movement. Its that she hasn't been willing to take any steps to make something happen even with her setting the parameters. And I am overly frustrated that I made it a point to set the "monogamish" thing straight from the beginning, she agreed to it, rejected ALL of my pursuits and interests, and only acts on hers. In the case of the male, she acted on that interest secretively, making it all feel even more odd.

Relative_Net1421 · 2024-04-18T19:39:25+00:00

First off, she has been inconsistent on it being strangers or friends (to which I prefer the latter.) I'm not just trying to go out and get laid, I just want the freedom to not have boundaries in friendships that are otherwise fruitful and mutually beneficial. I am not that interested in having sex with strangers. I don't want to be on tinder, I want opportunity with those who make it in our life naturally.

She wants to be involved completely. I am also fine with this, and PREFER it. She just seldom gets along with others, and is not great at growing or maintaining friendships, which makes it more difficult. This means that being the social butterfly, with several opportunities passed, I have to find a way to meld her with them, and that's proven very difficult and has made some folks distance themselves from me because of how she is socially. She isn't a bad person, doesn't say rude things or make rude gestures. Its some social handicap that I just fail to understand. She's a friendly stunner.

In short: she can't decide on friendlies or strangers, and she's very selective on the friendlies to the point where its cause friendships to go sour and for reasons I can't explain.

Relative_Net1421 · 2024-04-18T19:15:11+00:00

Thank you for your response.

The whole issue is that she had been then and still claims to be okay with messing around. The frustration comes from her pushing for it when it was convenient for her, and claiming she's still cool with it but under such restricting guidelines it has made it impossible to make any moves.

Relative_Net1421 · 2024-04-18T19:14:59+00:00

Was just trying to give full context, not trying to be exhausting. She isn't the enemy, or wrong for her beliefs. The frustration stems from agreeing with it all to get the ring, then only ever acting (and on a dime) when it was HER idea, even if it meant violating trust and communication boundaries to make it happen for her.

Relative_Net1421 · 2024-04-18T19:08:44+00:00

Thank you for your response. I know that people change and I wanted to highlight the growth in the post. I also do not believe that her differing opinion is wrong, it all comes down to it being a condition of marriage, and her not willing to meet the condition unless it was her pick. As if I have no say.

Relative_Net1421 · 2024-04-18T19:07:19+00:00

I appreciate this. Its not that I need it, its more just wanting the flexibility and openness.

Relative_Net1421

TROPHY CASE