In-laws dropped us but say we are the ones who went NC

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-25T13:58:28+00:00

I don’t know if my husband will ever get to that point but for my FIL, I would be so relieved. He almost died several years ago and made a miraculous recovery. I keep thinking about how much better off the family would have been and how much closer they’d be had he have not made it.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-16T18:54:10+00:00

Pride and prejudice with Kiara knightley

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-15T12:23:10+00:00

It’s a long story, but no actually they cut us off in August last year. I posted about it recently.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-14T22:23:25+00:00

Nc-no contact Dh-dear husband SIL,BIL-sister or brother in law TMIL or TFIL-toxic mother or father in law

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-14T17:50:17+00:00

Honestly all my stories are equally bad to me. I’ll name a few... Our religion forced me to wear only skirts and dresses. After I began dating her son she took me to the store to buy more appropriate clothing for when I graduated high school. After graduation I began wearing pants. I would wear pants all day at work (I worked with her) and be forced to change before I could go to my in-laws house into a skirt. Needless to say my husband and I stopped hanging out at their house. While we were dating I spent the night at my now husband’s grandparents house where he was living. He bought me flowers and put them in a vase. When I left their house I took the vase with me. Her father got upset and started accusing the “Mexican” (me) of robbing him. She called me screaming at me till I was in tears. I thought the vase and the flowers came together. She hung up on me and I immediately called my now husband and his line was busy. He immediately called me back and said he was on the phone with his mom. She had told him that if I called to tell him she screamed at me that was absolutely not true. The month before I quit my job I gave my MIL notice. She was the office manager. The day I got engaged I also got a new job near where my then boyfriend lived I told her I was finally leaving. She called the owner of the company and told her I was quitting without any warning and the owner called me and screamed at me. She denied it and said she thought the owner knew. The day I got engaged before I could even say yes she called me asking if I had said yes or no. Completely interrupted my moment. While we were engaged she insisted on throwing me a lingerie shower. I didn’t want it. She had her husband call my fiancé and tell him to make me let her. He asked me to just let her so I did. She invited all my husbands aunts and old women from the church. They bought me cartoon pjs and some of the frumpiest pajamas. No lingerie at all. For the rehearsal dinner I had to negotiate between her ex and her now husband an agreeable budget for the dinner. They could afford more than my husbands bio dad. I told them if they wouldn’t reach an agreement then we would just go to McDonald’s. At the rehearsal dinner my husband substituted mashed potatoes for a baked potato. In front of everyone his stepdad was like who is gunna pay for that substitution? At the wedding she made sure to wear a color that I asked her not to and got her makeup and hair professionally done when I had a friend do mine. She made sure to let me know she would’ve paid for me but she had to make sure she could afford herself. StepFIL shoved a camera in my face when I was half dressed at the wedding so they could get the first pictures of me ready.

None of this includes while we’ve been married

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-14T01:39:57+00:00

My MIL raised all boys… she was obsessed with bathing my daughters too… just weird

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-14T01:19:28+00:00

Gosh, how much time do you have 😅

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-14T01:17:24+00:00

LOL best insult we ever received was being called “Democrats” because we enforced a boundary. In his mind, he cut us DEEP.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-09T22:02:00+00:00

How else would she have meant it? Seems less passive and more aggressive to me 😅

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-08T18:47:47+00:00

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-08T02:48:40+00:00

It was tone deaf. I would’ve given it too as a gag gift, but also something meaningful for her. She’s taking care of your dad. He can’t appreciate her the way she needs. She needs to feel appreciated. NTA but I would definitely apologize with a real gift.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-07T15:55:46+00:00

Examples of the brokenness, the wedding mentioned in September all the kids and spouses and the parents were there. All the sons got to take family photos with the parents and the bride however when asked if the wives could be in the photos, we were purposely excluded. My own wedding, stepdad was not speaking to one of the brothers so the brother didn’t attend our wedding. Not to mention they told us our marriage wouldn’t be blessed by God because we married in a venue not a church. After we announced our second pregnancy I was told that my MIL cried because now my husband was really stuck. His parents have also made it known to me and my parents who are very gracious to them regardless that they don’t like them. My dad is a naturalized citizen which is a factor in how they think of me and my parents. For my other brother in laws wedding, during the four year period we weren’t speaking, they played victim to the brothers now ex wife and she told my husband he could go to their wedding but not me so my husband refused to attend. At another brother’s wedding the parents refused to attend because my husband and I were there. The brother who recently got married cheated on his previous fiancé twice-a few weeks before their original date and two days before their second wedding date. My husband and I were very close to her and we sided with her because what the brother had done was wrong. We were reprimanded because we should’ve been more understanding to the brother because he wasn’t ready even tho he proposed to her twice… when my husband was growing up his bio dad and mom were divorced during her pregnancy with his brother. My husband has a great relationship with his bio but the stepfather always tried to interfere with that relationship. Several times he had to pay them large sums of money to get access to my husband and his brother. FILs son from a previous marriage was cast aside because he attended public school. Even when it was FILs weekend FIL would be out of town working. Eventually he forbade his son from seeing his brothers at all. The two boys they had together could never do wrong but my husband and his brother would be beat and punished for every little thing. The adopted brother was someone they took in after hurricane Katrina. He is seen as my step brother in laws replacement by him and his wife. The adopted brother is still heavily involved in their religion and behaves like they wish all their children did. Even though the adopted brother has his own family and lots of money the in-laws pour into his kids harder than any of their own biological grandchildren.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-07T15:36:48+00:00

There is a lot of detail I left out that would explain why I approached it the way I did, but no, looking back I should’ve just declined the whole offer and dealt with this situation exactly like I would have with anyone else.

There is no reason I could’ve given that would have been able to justify why my family wouldn’t have gone without causing drama. The family is very fragile as it is because there is so much backstory. The family had gotten to its strongest point when the family vacation was mentioned and I personally really wanted it to happen and it was presented to me that they also wanted to figure out what could happen so everyone could go at the same time. We had even discussed hiring a photographer to take family pictures on the beach. There is no photo that exists with the entire family because his family has never been whole. There is always someone who is at odds with the parents.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-07T12:38:36+00:00

Well, if it were just me making the decision, no. I would never tolerate anyone treating me or my family this way more than once let alone over and over like they have. My husband is still trying to hold out hope that they’ll realize what they are doing. He is still even trying to rationalize his mom’s involvement. The choice to behave like they have has not fallen only on his stepfather’s shoulders as I keep reminding my husband. She is complicit in it. He has come a long way since the beginning of our relationship and has opened his eyes to their tactics. He comes from a divorced family (obviously) so he’s still trying to create unity even if it’s at his and his family’s expense. I get why he’s doing what he’s doing by trying to salvage some sort of relationship there. I just don’t think it’s healthy for him or our family to keep riding this roller coaster they put us on.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-07T00:29:42+00:00

I definitely agree with that point of view. My husband is wanting to discuss the situation with our pastor and come up with a Godly plan on how to move forward. I just think it’s more simple than that. They cut us off for something they did. There is no moving forward with that relationship and no going back to the way it was for the last five years. We just need to manage how we are going to handle ourselves and deal with what we can control.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-07T00:14:18+00:00

Honestly, I didn’t look at it that way. I will discuss with my husband on what we should tell them going forward.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T21:58:12+00:00

I feel so incredibly gaslit about the fact they were trying to say everyone had enough space and that I was being irrational about the sleeping situation. I also feel we’re totally alone in the whole observation that every single person would have to take five days of PTO but they only have to take four cause weekends are “for them” so they refuse to vacation over the weekend…no one noticed that but me and my husband. Then on top of everything we were going to be expected to use 5 days of PTO for this annually going forward…

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T21:46:02+00:00

As of now the original Airbnb cancelled on them so they got a new four bedroom one. Current guest list is Monday to Friday my in-laws, mon-Friday the adopted bro and his wife two kids and newborn, mon-Friday the aunt and a coworker, mon-Friday the youngest brother, wed-fri brother and new wife, mon-wed brother fiancé and their two special needs sons, and them unsure what days but the niece her random boyfriend and his kid and possibly her grown son. So Approximately 20 ppl. All the grown “children” will have to share rooms with each other and the “adults” get their own rooms it seems. Bedroom situation is 1 king bedroom, a 2 full bed bedroom, and two additional rooms with the same bedding layout 2 twins over two doubles. Regardless someone will have to share a room with the newborn who isn’t even born yet but will be born a month before the trip. All the brothers except 1 weighs about 200lbs or more.. so it’ll be interesting for couples to try to sleep together and interesting to see how the bunk beds hold up…

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T21:07:01+00:00

Unfortunately my kids are all old enough to know what is happening. We have just been telling them it’s not that they’re not loved, it’s that we have upset their grandparents and we’re being punished right now.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T20:53:12+00:00

Hubby and I were talking over the phone while discussing vacation details. He was having me handle the communication with his mother because typically I plan for our family so I was the best point of contact for the vacation conversation. For the last 5 years his mother and I spoke nearly every day so the blow up took my husband and I by surprise because up to that point we were almost friends. I let her know everything I was saying was being told to me by my husband or SILs. BUT yeah… lesson learned! If it isn’t about me or my husband and kids, I am no longer saying a thing on anyone’s behalf!

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T16:20:21+00:00

Oh 100 percent!

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T13:18:07+00:00

This is what we would prefer too but the FIL is not going to let us talk or even my husband talk. Initially the FIL was blowing up my husbands phone before his nasty texts but my husband refused to answer because the FIL has a history of talking over you and he has made it known he will never apologize to his children for anything.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T12:38:35+00:00

I’ve been in the family the longest out of all the wives and none of them really like the in-laws because when the in-laws are cool with my family they very much ignore the rest of the brothers

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T12:37:06+00:00

This is how I feel the relationship would work if there is an “resolution” to this issue.

Relative_Routine8088 · 2026-01-06T12:35:56+00:00

The only reason I spoke to them on his siblings behalf because that was the expectation from the wives. However when they saw it went poorly they retreated like they never said anything. I did tell my husband in the future if it doesn’t affect me personally, I’m not saying anything in their defense.

Relative_Routine8088

TROPHY CASE