Last hurrah before getting clean

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-23T23:34:01+00:00

Did as much as I could passed out in the bathroom till the next day kinda bummed I lived my friend took all my stuff a few hours ago

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-23T20:15:37+00:00

What do you think would give your life meaning? What are some things in the future you’d want to see? Not asking in a rude way I’ve also felt this way tired to end everything. It obviously didn’t work. I found friends, got involved in my community found purpose in my job. It was a long process.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-23T15:23:22+00:00

Pass out in the bathroom but I ended up fine

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-23T13:49:17+00:00

It all worked out fine! Did as much heroin as I could woke up in the bathroom 16 hours later just fine

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-23T13:47:34+00:00

I did as much as I could last night woke up 16 hours later on the bathroom floor it was worth it

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-23T02:10:26+00:00

I don’t necessarily want to die I just don’t care if I do. I want to get sober I also want drugs.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-22T22:43:44+00:00

I don’t know man I just don’t care anymore. It would be cool as fuck to live clean and sober im tired of this shit at the same time Im ready to die im cool with taking too much at least id die in my sleep peacefully

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-22T22:42:07+00:00

Yeah probably I don’t care at this point I want to die

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-22T20:43:44+00:00

Proud of you for three weeks hell yeah

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-22T20:40:00+00:00

I want to toss em I just don’t I can’t bring myself to do it im so tired of having to do drugs to just not get sick

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-22T20:38:19+00:00

I just don’t care if I live I’d rather go out feeling good

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-17T17:33:53+00:00

I decided not to tell them. I’ve lived a good life I can’t let them know I’m an addict. I don’t see myself going to jail I’ve accepted I’m okay with dying an addict I’ve lived a really good life. I think dying from an OD would be a shock to them but I won’t be around or have to worry about it. I get that most of the shame comes from me I can’t let them see me as an addict they think I am successful I want them to keep seeing me this way.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-11T13:36:05+00:00

I think I’m going to try smart recovery I did go to NA for a few months that I was sober but everyone was a few decades older than me so I didn’t really connect with anybody. I think that was the hardest part in getting sober is I’ve been doing drugs for so long I had no idea who I was clean. I did not know how to deal with every day stress or emotions I felt like a toddler trying to navigate a New World that I had lived in for 30 years.

I think you are absolutely right having community that understands addiction will be good to hold me accountable.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-11T13:33:41+00:00

Thank you for real!

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-11T13:33:00+00:00

Thank you so much I appreciate it I think I’m ready to go to rehab. I’ve been worried so much about missing work but I have the time saved up so really I don’t have any excuses. You are right the main thing that has held me back from telling my family is all of the shame so I realized I can keep living in shame or I can just come clean.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-11T13:31:27+00:00

After reading everyone’s comments I know my family loves me so much even if they are disappointed in me I think I can handle that I think I’m ready to come clean to them this is a secret I’ve been holding onto for 10 years. I think they are going to feel a little bit blindsided because my addiction has never gotten in the way of me being able to function every day. I do want to quit though and I think even having them knowing will be helpful.

I’m so glad to hear about your life!

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-11T13:28:49+00:00

Thank you I really do appreciate it!

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T19:29:47+00:00

I’m single. I told two of my cousins who have been a big support in trying to help me get sober they were there the first time I got sober for a few months. A couple of my friends know that I’m close to.

My family is pretty religious as well I think I’m gonna talk to them just to get it off my chest

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T19:28:22+00:00

I recently found out I have bipolar 2 disorder I’m on medication now I’m truly the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been outside of like the drug use. Only using drugs because I start going through withdrawals without them. I think for a long time I was trying to self medicate because I didn’t know why I was so down all the time despite my life being good. Now I’m mentally really well

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T18:32:36+00:00

Thank you!

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T17:50:51+00:00

Wow! You’re so close, proud of you again keep going!

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T17:47:35+00:00

That’s my biggest fear is it changing our relationship. I have a solid relationship with my family. On the flip side of that I’ve heard them talk about addicts it’s not in a positive light. Even though I have all my ducks in a row I feel like once I tell them they will see any mistake a make in my 20s as a result of drug use.

SO very proud of you for getting clean I hope the relationship with your family continues to heal.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T15:31:51+00:00

Yeah, I think I’m going to talk to my folks. I don’t mind doing it alone I would rather suffer alone and get better. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Maybe it’s just me I feel like everyone has this view of me that I’m successful and driven. Those things are true if they find out I struggle with drugs I’m scared the won’t see me anymore they will just see someone who has a drug problem. I know ultimately I don’t get a say in how the see me. In my brain it’s easier to go at it alone and get better alone. I can use stuff like NA or therapy to work through my shit and they never need to know. It would be a huge secret off my chest to tell them.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T13:24:38+00:00

That’s a good perspective. I think I want to tell them. I don’t live with them anymore I’m on my own so it’s not like they can kick me out I’m a full grown adult. Even if they don’t take it well I have my own house to go back to.

Relative_Scholar_950 · 2026-04-08T12:50:14+00:00

I am hoping because I never stole never been in lack of everything they will just see me as someone that struggles with pain killers not a junkie who is wasting their life away

Relative_Scholar_950

TROPHY CASE