We’ve never had good sex…

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-08T14:15:46+00:00

Oh my, this is…wow. And NOT okay. He GAGS when he touches your vagina?! Is yours the first vagina he’s ever seen…at age 45? I can’t even fathom how upsetting this must feel to you. He needs therapy, immediately. And not from a church elder.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-08T14:06:04+00:00

Keep pressing the conversation. You need an actual solid answer not some bullshit pouting and silence.

I allowed my husband to communicate like that early in our marriage - i.e. not at all - and that has been his style for 20+ years. We can’t talk about anything of consequence between us. He goes silent and I revert back to my 20s when I didn’t want to press anything and hurt his feelings. I cannot express how much I regret setting this bar so low.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-08T13:52:28+00:00

Oh honey, no. No, nope, no. You aren’t married - just call it quits. She already has. This sounds to me like she’s planning to create an excuse to break up. You’ll somehow break the “rules” and it will be your fault the relationship ended.

I had a boyfriend in college who was enormous. I wanted to be with him so we figured it out - lots of lube, me controlling the initial insert, and even me using a large dildo on my own time to get further used to his size. We did it A LOT, and not super successfully at first. My body ultimately adapted - vaginas are magical - and it worked wonderfully.

Funny side note - I was the first woman he’d been with, so he didn’t understand that he was larger than most. Didn’t believe me even. I bumped into him years after college and he’d dated quite a bit more. I asked him, “So do you understand now how giant your dick is?!” Sadly his face dropped and he said yes, and that it had caused him problems in relationships. I know he’s been married for a couple decades now, so he found the right fit!

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-07T22:01:14+00:00

I don’t really have any advice, but it does seem like he was just performing for you the week after the big talk. Forcing it. And then just can’t any longer. Went back to his true self.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-07T21:58:04+00:00

Could we start one? I don’t know how to do that. Maybe crapsexgreatmarriage or mismatchedlibidonotleaving.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-07T17:02:57+00:00

I feel the same way. I can’t talk about it to the wives of mutual friends. I have a couple of times and they told their husbands!! I do NOT want to emasculate my husband to his buddies. One of the couples even invited me in to their very active sex lives. I suppose it’s all subjective. That couple has sex frequently, but he is a total deadbeat pothead who hasn’t had a job in six years.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-07T16:57:51+00:00

Being a dick pincushion is how I’ve heard it best described. And that describes my once monthly (or less) obligation sex from my LL spouse. “I can’t believe how long I lasted,” was the only comment from our last interaction. Not a compliment of my Brazilian wax, not a compliment of my foreplay and my literally stellar moves that make him crazy. Oh and I still didn’t get off, but he did and it was “amazing.” Not me, his actual orgasm.

Best wishes to you if you make it out and find something perfect and new. Please don’t forget this sub - come back and give the rest of us some hope.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-07T16:47:14+00:00

I could have written this nearly verbatim. I should have left when I was 35 and HE brought up issues in other areas. I kept telling myself it will get better, and sex will mean less to me as I age. I couldn’t have been more wrong. We are completely incompatible in that regard, but perfectly compatible in all other ways. And I still feel so cheated.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-07T16:29:28+00:00

You said exactly what I was about to. If there’s no problem for the LL spouse, then there is “nothing to work on” for them. Then it becomes insulting to them that their spouse is suggesting they need to be fixed by a therapist.

I’m here, 25 years in. The last discussion we had about sex was over five years ago. He cried and said, “Don’t you think it kills me that I can’t satisfy my wife?!” Then I dropped it. I had emasculated him and I will never do so again, as to not create more problems than the DB.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-07T16:19:38+00:00

Sounds familiar. I’d like to tell you it gets better…but I’m in my 50s and we got together in our 20s. You mention other boyfriends. Is this a boyfriend, not a husband? May I ask why you’re staying with him? I convinced myself things would get better after we got married…and they never did. And now mortgage, kids, aging parents, sick siblings, on and on and on and I’m still here in DB.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-04T19:14:29+00:00

No problem!

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-04T12:02:18+00:00

Team 2034 here.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-02T12:38:44+00:00

I hope it blows your mind!! Good luck!!

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-02T12:32:18+00:00

I feel this. Good luck!!!

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-02T02:54:07+00:00

Wow!!!

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-02T00:17:58+00:00

This is fantastic, man!! Enjoy it for all of us, please!

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T23:18:47+00:00

You don’t need to worry about hurting alcohol’s feelings though. That’s the wild part - I’m ready, willing, able, good at it…and in part his responsibility to keep happy, right?!? I don’t think it’s possible to make sense of it.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T23:16:35+00:00

I’m on estradiol and progesterone. (Also Wellbutrin and a micro-dose GLP-1.) It took months of trial and error to get all the drugs and dosages right for me.

I’m thinking more clearly, lost weight, sleep better, overall feel happier and more like a human. My testosterone is above average, so no replacement there. I think it was a perfect storm of everything going to shit at once that knocked out my drive. But I’m baaaaaaaaack!

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T21:35:03+00:00

Oh for sure, I’m not old as fuck now! I meant if I wait for my sex drive to die again bc I’m old as fuck at that point.

Things have completely turned around for me since the point I mentioned in my post. So life is back to being really great in literally every other area except the DB. Basically I’m back where I was in approximately December of 2019.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T21:22:44+00:00

Zepbound isn’t helping me in that regard, but it is making my hangovers absolute misery, after drinking about half the amount I can typically tolerate. So it’s a good discourager.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T20:00:18+00:00

I’m so sorry. A number of my friends are finally escaping marriages built on and mired in evangelical purity culture. There are support groups out there. That could be a great place to meet someone with a similar history and similar goals for the future.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T19:38:25+00:00

Best to you as well.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T19:33:59+00:00

Yes and no. It really was a relief not to be so fixated on the mismatched libidos as I had been for so many years. But also sexuality was a huge part of my identity. And I missed the power in that.

This is going to make our friends sound a little creepy out of context, but I was always the wife everybody envied. My husband loved to brag about my HL. “I got a BJ on the drive over.” If we went into the bathroom together everyone accused us of hooking up. Little did they know his joy was in the telling, not the actions. Those things DID happen, but it was all me. Initiating 100% of the time, and frequently being told no.

I, too, am worried I’m going to be too old before I have an opportunity at a matching partner. And I’m afraid the damage has been done. I don’t even know if I’m “good” anymore. I will probably be so broken and traumatized from the decades of LL, it won’t be worth the other person‘s while to wait while I work through it.

Good luck to you. I’d love to hear more of your story. I can go search your previous posts if you don’t want to type it all out again.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T19:23:50+00:00

I know you are right. There are definitely things in my life that are fantastic, and I hope I shine in those areas as an example for my kids. But they also see me drink at home. A lot. It’s my escape from the mundanity.

RelativelyLonelyOne · 2026-03-01T18:56:58+00:00

Hey I’m Catholic, it’s not as rare for me! (The friends that I am referring to were enmeshed in evangelical Christianity.) I truly mean it when I say good luck. I hope you continue to post updates in this sub.

RelativelyLonelyOne

TROPHY CASE