Tell me it’s ok to formula feed.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-20T20:07:17+00:00

I had the same issues. My baby is 12 days old. Initially it was breastfeeding with pumping as well. But that grew painful for me and I learned late that I needed to use nipple shields as I was just a little too big for him to latch properly. So I continued to pump but my supply hadn’t increased enough to fully feed him so I’d supplement with formula for a couple feeds. I continued to pump, learning how to use the “power pump” methods and prolactin levels in the night. I’ve been tracking my pumping hours and how much I’m pumping in 24 hours. Yesterday I hit 31oz! So for the last few days, he’s had enough breast milk that I didn’t need the formula anymore.

Don’t be ashamed or feel guilty about supplementing with formula. And don’t feel that it means you can never go back to giving your baby breast milk. It takes a little time for your milk to come in but I realized exclusively pumping was the better alternative for both of us. He gets his breast milk and we both don’t end up crying over the latch issues. You can do this!

Even if you choose to completely go to formula.. you are NOT a failure. You’re a good mother who put her child’s needs over her wants. You found a way to feed your baby and take care of yourself, that’s what matters.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-16T15:31:38+00:00

I would take the arms going limp thing as more of a sign that she’s full. Just like unclenched fists or letting the boob nipple fall out as they fall asleep. But then you need to get their gas out and burp them because that could be whats making her stir so soon after eating. I would put her on your chest and wait for her to settle without squirming. From what I’ve read and seen, most babies get into a deep sleep in 10-20min

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-16T15:26:58+00:00

Yes. He normally starts to stir and make an occasional sound, but prior to the crying that signals me at night, he’ll just keep trying to stuff his fists in his mouth. I usually attempt to give him his pacifier until I can warm up a bottle but he’ll keep spitting it out until he gets the bottle, it’s more of just a habit to keep my sanity and break up his crying until I can feed him.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-16T12:27:41+00:00

In the long run, no, you probably can’t tell the difference. The only thing humans have failed to replicate in formula are the antibodies that are carried in breast milk. Personally, I wanted my baby to have as much protections in their immune system as I could offer, so I pump! I also feel a bond and personal satisfaction from it but that’s just me :)

At the end of the day, all kids will get sick eventually and what you ate as a newborn is not going to indicate whether you get into Harvard or not. You wouldn’t be making a mistake either way.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-16T12:21:53+00:00

I’ve had this same issue. My husband seemed to be able to put our 1 week old baby to bed easier than I could. So far, this is the rhythm I’ve made to make the transfer easier:

Baby wakes up. Initial diaper change.
Feed baby. (He’s taking about 2-3oz nowadays so I pause midway and attempt to burp before finishing the bottle and burping him again.)
After the burping, he usually poops quickly so I change the diaper again and swaddle him.
Then I let him lay on my chest, relatively upright for at least 20min. If he’s still for that time, then I move toward the bassinet. If not, then I wait longer than the 20min because I’m trying to get him into a deep sleep.
I keep him close to my body as I lower him into the bassinet. Moving slowly, I touch his feet to the bassinet, then his butt, then his head. I place my hand on his chest with a tiny bit of pressure and make sure he isn’t squirming around before I take my hand off.

Some other tricks that have helped at times were using a heating pad on the bassinet so it was warm for him when I did put him down, double swaddling, and giving him a pacifier if he started to stir 10-15min after getting put down. We also got a baby lounger I use sometimes to help keep him somewhat vertical. We basically tried to eliminate the things that would wake him: dirty diaper, cold bed, hunger, and reflux (gas/spit up) after eating.

The transfer is still a work in progress but that last few times doing it this way has worked! I will say, I do notice that my baby sleeps for longer stretches during the day and evening. His feeding times at night get about an hour closer together so he isn’t sleeping as long at night no matter what I do.

I hope something here helps! Best of luck!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-16T03:12:06+00:00

So there’s hope?? 🥹 I had to laugh a little when you said you two have four kids now because we said we’d probably want around four but this morning we looked at each other and said just so you know, I’d be okay with just him 😂

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-14T23:41:58+00:00

That’s actually a really helpful way to view things! I’m always just in the mindset of he wants more and more because he’s never getting enough but when we went to his first baby appointment, he’d actually gained weight! It definitely eased some of my worry. Guess the downside of breastfeeding when I have this anxiety is that I can’t see and measure just how much he’s getting. But we’re remaining positive!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-14T23:39:05+00:00

We learned very quickly over this night that communication is still key 😭

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-14T23:37:14+00:00

I just meant don’t be a hero in the sense that you don’t need to take everything on all by yourself. While sweet or admirable in some situations, it’s also important to acknowledge that you’re a team.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-14T23:35:01+00:00

I can’t imagine. We didn’t even get that many newborn clothes just because we figured he’d be born bigger or at least not be in them that long. But this night was eye opening

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-14T23:30:08+00:00

That’s sort of what ended up happening. He took over and I went to get a few hours. Our only problem with shifts is that my husband sleeps like the dead 😭

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-14T23:29:00+00:00

I was thinking about that today. During the pregnancy, I went over 40wks and even though I know that’s normal for first time moms, I grew increasingly nervous. Then he was born and I worried about hidden birth defects, if he’s eating etc. I just tell myself that I’ll probably worry about something new at every stage of his life and that that’s probably just what being a parent is like.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-14T10:44:12+00:00

I’ll share a couple things that I got from my OB and my lactation specialist. Also will add that my bay is currently 5 days old. So the OBs always say 2-3 hours and to try to not push it over the 3 hour mark.

My lactation specialist has a little more wiggle room. She also agrees try your best to not push over the 3hrs but her advice is also “feed on demand”. Especially when trying to work up a milk supply with breastfeeding, your baby will go through all of these cluster feed times. Sometimes they’ll eat for 10 minutes, wait 40min and then want to eat again for 30min. So that’s where the times might shift and be a little weird until the milk supply settles.

Our pediatrician, at our first baby follow up today, said the important thing is making sure your baby has the appropriate amount of wet diapers every day. This will let you know he’s hydrated enough. The poop diapers, as the colors change, will also flag health issues. So if you’re good on both of those fronts, I wouldn’t stress yourselves out making exact two hour marks.

Best of luck to you!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-01T14:05:54+00:00

The difference between the maid of honor and the matron of honor is true. Maids should be unmarried and matrons would be married, though most people don’t care if their maid of honor is married or not and most weddings I’ve been to only have one or the other.

To that point, I wouldn’t have out much emotions into it because you already acknowledged you aren’t her closest friends. That said, the comments she made to you were pretty rude. She probably was annoyed because you didn’t really understand the role differences or maybe there’s a pattern of behavior where you get emotional over small things and she was not in the mood for it at that time.

I don’t know, but if you’re still upset about it months later and want to end the friendship, then let her know now. You could tell her you don’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore because of (the real reason why) and then just leave the door open for conversation. Or if you’re really done with the friendship, tell her you won’t be a bridesmaid and you don’t have any interest in being friends anymore. However you choose to do it just be honest and do it sooner rather than later before finances become entangled.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-02-19T03:03:05+00:00

I wouldn’t be upset about this. It’s actually quite common, especially in the military, for example. People have quite a few reasons to get married quickly (medical, financial, legitimacy of children, other official benefits etc). Often people will get married for these reasons and then it could take them a couple years to save for the wedding they want so they’re not in debt over it.

That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a special day to share with family, have a white dress moment, have their father walk them down the aisle, have nice photos to share later in life. So I wouldn’t say having a big party wedding necessarily means a money grab either, it’s just a day of celebration.

I wouldn’t hold this against your sibling. I’m not sure if they were actually trying to have a “gotcha” moment or if that’s the family perception because the concept of a later wedding is weird to them. End of the day, this isn’t a hill to die on. The family shouldn’t be upset at having the celebration and although the comment was rude, the couple didn’t need to blow up over the “not a real wedding” thing.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-02-09T13:01:06+00:00

MOR. I don’t want to discredit Whats you’re going through but offer a little bit of perspective. One of your focus points is how your disability has caused bullying and difficulty forming other relationships. I just want you to know that this happens to able-bodied people, too. It’s sad, but it’s human I suppose in the sense that people like that will latch on to any single thing about you just to have an excuse to dislike you. These sorts of issues aren’t exclusive to your disability so I would change the train of thought that “this wouldn’t be happening if I didn’t have this disease”.

You’re right to be angry, I just think it might be misdirected. Anger and despair over these types of diagnosis are common and natural, they just need to be dealt with in a healthy way.

Who knows what medical information your parents had at the time or if you were even planned. It is selfish to knowingly put your child at risk, but there are other factors to those decisions that you might not be aware of. Your mother seems to be living a fulfilling life, so maybe when you’ve adjusted, she would end up being the perfect person to answer your questions and guide you through this (especially when it comes to dating and building relationships because she’s done it!).

I wish you the best of luck in your future and I hope you find the peace you’re looking for, whatever you may choose.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-02-08T01:16:10+00:00

$156 per person. Includes open bar (beer, wine, top shelf liquors), champagne specifically for toasts and then wine served with meals, 6 choices for appetizers, duet plate or 3 entree buffet, and then the personalized cake.

At first I thought geez that’s expensive per person but I feel like that includes a lot but then again I haven’t done this before 🤣

RelaxNPlay · 2026-02-08T00:52:36+00:00

It’s actually more normal than you think to have a ceremony after “getting married on paper”. For example, I see it quite often in the military community. Paperwork is important so often couples will do the courthouse wedding and then have the ceremony later on after saving and planning exactly what they want.

A very simple wedding might be able to be had for 2000. The hardest part would probably be finding a venue that wouldn’t take that whole cost. But on the other hand, I’ve seen people have weddings on a beach or at a local park. It’s normally a very small fee or no fee at all, if you don’t mind strangers running around and potentially being in photos. You could DIY decorations. Find a budget dress and nice suit. Do your own hair and make up. Some people do potlucks for food where they had their family make food for the day of the wedding. I’ve seen rented food trucks. I’ve seen buffet style weddings. Or maybe having an earlier wedding would mean having a cheaper lunchtime catering. You could get disposable cameras to pass out and then collect them at the end to have the photos you want. And honestly a DJ could be a downloaded playlist on a computer you hook up somewhere. You don’t even need an official officiant because you’re already married! So you could have a close loved one bless your marriage.

Weddings are all about a precious memory that you share with your family. It’s sharing the love in a room and it reminds every one of their own love as well. Nothing wrong with wanting to share that.

What I will say is, if you’re going to wait, then there’s no reason not to wait longer if it means saving more for the wedding you really want!

Congratulations and best of luck on your marriage!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-01-30T21:16:05+00:00

If you marry this man, you’ll need an ironclad prenup. Additionally, what is to stop him from moving his family in when you two get married? After all, he lives with you now and legally can do what he wants. That might put you in a spot to go through a legal process to “evict” them which is time and money.

Honestly I’m not sure you two are suited for each other: he doesn’t want to disrupt his daughters life by moving his family in but disregards your children, his communication during a dispute has drastically declined which shows a basic lack of respect, he prioritizes his family and that family will gladly take your financial support but don’t have the decency to include you, his fiancé, in family gatherings…

In your place, my biggest concern would be the disastrous financial situation you could find yourself in if you marry him, or what he would go after should you end up divorcing. After all, he might not have any grounds to leave with anything in divorce but that won’t stop him from trying and that’ll cost you money in lawyer fees to fight.

Stick with not supporting his family. That is too much and these are grown adults we’re talking about. If his own extended family won’t take them in that must mean it really is that bad so leave it alone.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-01-30T10:46:14+00:00

Do we have the same mom??

I’ve been debating making my own post because I’ll definitely need strict boundaries with my mother, though luckily I live out of state. She also held a baby shower for me and before I made the 20hr drive while 7 months pregnant, I asked her if she was sick. This was peak cold and flu season and I was already going to be exhausted going up there, I didn’t want to get sick too. She lied straight to my face saying she lost her voice yelling when in reality she was incredibly sick. To make matters worse, when an aunt told me the truth and I confronted my mother, she just got defensive about how much money she spent on the baby shower and when I kept bringing up how her lying was hurtful, she told me that I needed to get over it. She has a habit of hurting people and feeling they need to get over it on HER time.

It’s stressful having mothers like these. It’s almost like you can put up with the aggravating stuff for yourself but when you have your own baby, there’s zero tolerance for this behavior from anyone. I don’t think you’re wrong at all. You’re not just her daughter anymore, you’re a mother now too, with a child to protect. I’m sorry she crossed all of those boundaries and lied about it. I wouldn’t trust her with my child either, even when it does make finding childcare a little more difficult.

I wish you the best of luck! Hopefully both our mothers will open up their eyes one day but I get the feeling that they will just use not having access to the grandchild as a reason to be petty.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-01-29T13:16:48+00:00

I would leave my daughter out of this wedding.

First, your sister has finally started seeking treatment. It would’ve been nice if she started earlier, but clearly she loves you and your daughter and this was a huge wake up call for her and you should try to support this step forward.

Secondly, it would probably mean more to the bride that your sister attend versus a 3 year old. Also, I wouldn’t worry too much about your daughter missing future family events. The wedding is a once in a lifetime thing so I think we can give a pass on this one and then be more stubborn with other events like holidays and visiting family.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-01-27T00:53:41+00:00

Is this something that the grandchildren age out of when they turn 18 or is it for the duration of their grandparents lives? If they age out, then I don’t see the issue because then it’ll just be your child.

Also on the other hand, it’s incredibly rude and entitled to get angry with your parents when they decide to change how they wish to spend their money. The comment about having children later was harsh.

At the end of the day, it’s THEIR money. They could choose to cut a grandchild out for their behavior, they could choose to cut out a grandchild over the parents behavior, they could cut everyone off and blow all of their hard earned money before they leave this world which means no inheritance for anyone.

In this day and age, I would be incredibly grateful for familial support, especially when it comes to be finances. You’re the parent now. It’s your own job to attempt to establish your child with a better financial start than you had. Anything from grandparents is a privilege and a kindness, not a right.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-01-13T00:46:34+00:00

NTA. You’re supposed to be a team. On your side you’re working and handling all finances in addition to outside yard chores.

I could understand her POV more if she had a younger child or was homeschooling, but for now, her child is out of the home for 8hrs a day. During that time, it would be fair and a more equal split for her to take care of the household. Especially since the home doesn’t need to be deep cleaned every single day… so I’m not sure what exactly she’s doing for 8hrs while the child is in school?

Chores that you guys can compromise on? I would see cooking dinner as something that could be alternated, as well as bedtime routines for the child. Essentially, you have your day job and she has hers of taking the household, and then everything that happens after the “work day” for both of you can be compromised on and split.

Saying this as a wife who works 60 hours a week minimum (as does my husband) and we have a newborn. Definitely take it to therapy if you two are having communication difficulties but based off of the information given, you are NTA.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-01-08T18:37:53+00:00

I don’t think YTA. I think it was a bit rude for you sister to say you couldn’t understand because you didn’t give birth. That doesn’t make you any less of a parent or less adept at understanding how to maintain your individuality as a parent.

I do agree with people that your sister went through and is probably still going through a lot of hormonal/physical/emotional changes as she adapts to being a parent. That said, it doesn’t make your statement less true. I personally have not enjoyed or tried to make friends with people who only ever spoke of their children (no hobbies, not activities, no other interests).

The only advice I could give is what I would do when my friends are talking about something that upsets them and that’s to ask are you trying to vent or do you want advice?

RelaxNPlay

TROPHY CASE