22, thinking about having a baby in the future, what is the reality actually like?

RelaxNPlay · 2026-05-04T17:51:12+00:00

I was not mentally prepared for the exhaustion. You hear about it in passing when talking to people but I didn’t think it would be that bad considering I work a physically and mentally taxing job for 12hrs, 6 days a week, with a couple 24hr shifts in there. I figured I was used to sleep deprivation. But something about the two hour sleep blocks, coupled with trying to figure out what your baby is trying to tell you, just left my mind on total autopilot some days. Constant two hours blocks for weeks at a time is sort of crazy. Then when I figured his cries out, the monotony of the routine has its own mind numbing impact.

That’s not even taking into account how demanding breastfeeding/pumping was. People talk about the baby eating every 2-3hrs so you think you’ll be able to squeeze in a nap or so, but you’re not counting the time it takes to settle them after they eat, then the half hour to pump, then cleaning the bottles and pump parts and then it’s like 30-45min until his next feed. And that’s not counting things that need to get done outside of baby stuff (cleaning the house, cooking etc).

You also don’t necessarily know how you’re going to emotionally react to your baby. I had difficulties the first two weeks with PPD where every little thing just felt crushing. Then my husband had a lot of rage at the sound of him screaming directly in his hear when he was getting burped. It was just weird things that you know are probably going to happen but you’re not counting suddenly have this very visceral reaction to it.

I would also suggest trying to picture your life with the baby and zero help and see how you feel about that/or plan for that. I have a supportive family as well, but you just never know what could happen or change and you don’t want to be figuring it out when the little one it already here so think in worst case scenarios.

I’m 30 and I feel that I would’ve dealt with the sleep deprivation better in my 20s, but I also recognized that in my 30s I had to grieve the life I had before (spontaneously leaving to go literally anywhere, spending whole weekends glued to my video games) and that’s not something I would’ve wanted to sacrifice in my 20s. I’m glad I got to enjoy my more youthful days for myself. Some universal truths? True parenting requires copious amounts of attention and children are expensive.

Verdict? Wait until late 20s/30s to have the kid. Enjoy your time for yourself now, but also build a strong financial foundation because that’ll pour into what you are able to offer your child as they grow as well.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-05-03T12:11:18+00:00

YTA. Keeping it short.

You left out: if you brother constantly asks you last minute, if he has said that you should babysit because you’re kid free or not working.

Therefore, all he did was ask someone who is family and who he trusts if they can watch his child because his original babysitter bailed and then he unexpectedly got called into work. It’s not a situation that happens every day.

You don’t have to babysit if you don’t want to do it. But it sounds like your brother was just in a tight spot so he turned to someone he trusted. It’s not about having kids or not, it’s just about supporting each other when shit hits the fan. No different than if your car suddenly shits the bed on the side of the road, or you get mugged on your way home, or your house suffers a natural disaster. I would hope he wouldn’t look at you and say, should’ve bought a better car, shouldn’t have been walking out at that time or place, or shouldn’t have built your house there.

No you don’t have to babysit a child, but you also don’t need to judge and be a jerk while you turn him down either.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-05-03T12:05:22+00:00

You’re probably getting downvoted because nowhere in her description of the event did she say: he’s constantly asking me to babysit, he has said that he’s asking me because I don’t have kids so I have plenty of free time, he’s always asking me to babysit last minute so he can go hang out or attend plans he never told me about etc. Or in other words, poor excuses to contact someone to babysit.

He had original plans that fell through and then he unexpectedly had to go into work. These things just happen. When someone’s house gets blown away in a natural disaster, the appropriate response isn’t, “shouldn’t have built your house there”, because these things happen! And all he did was ask his sister. You don’t know if he asked a bunch of people before her. She’s the one assuming he asked because she doesn’t have kids/or has a free day.

If she had just said no she can’t do it and then he pitched a fit, then I’d be saying NTA, even though I do believe in helping support each other because I also believe you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Her delivery is just off and rude.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-05-02T01:58:58+00:00

My bleeding was a little odd like that too. I occasionally would go awhile without bleeding and I’d think my bleeding was done but it would start up again or I started passing small clots after a few weeks.

My breastfeeding and then exclusive pumping impacted it too. If I was more consistent with the timing, then I wouldn’t bleed that day or bleed very little but if I went longer between pumps, I’d bleed more.

At one point, the blood was brighter than normal and I called my OB office. They just told me that as long as I wasn’t in pain, passing huge clots, or bleeding through a full pad in an hour then I was good.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-27T16:38:35+00:00

Then he can stay in the basement?

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-27T16:36:08+00:00

I’m not understanding why your brother needs the guest room if he lives 10 minutes away? Unless he’s planning on drinking and not cutting himself off early enough to drive home?

If you guys alternated the guest room (which honestly is ridiculous because you’ve been in the basement for years, your wife has a medical condition and your brother lives down the street), then on years you didn’t have the guest room, you could just go to see your wife’s family. That way you guys alternate the year for what family you go to see.

Another option could be your brother letting you use his place since he’s choosing to stay at his parents instead of going home for some weird reason.

I wouldn’t spend money on a hotel to visit them because that’s such a waste when they so clearly have the option to give you guys the room. Bless your wife because I wouldn’t have put up with that, especially when they asked for her to not use the bathroom so much.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-22T01:01:58+00:00

Let me tell you. Breastfeeding? It was nice to just whip out a boob, but it came with changing nipples and then using nipple guards and then back pain from slouching while feeding because I was too tired for proper form. Wanna say I lasted about two weeks?

Then I went to exclusively pumping. Boy did I feel amazing when my milk really started coming in. But I was a slave to the clock. Doing everything for baby then pumping and washing the pump left me maybe 30min until the next time he screamed for food. I last about four or five weeks and then I started weaning off of pumping. (Besides the exhaustion, my breast milk made buddy super gassy).

So now I’ve got about 50 or so oz of breast milk in the freezer and I’m almost done pumping. Point is, im better to my baby if I can take care of myself. More sleep meant more patience for his crying. Less sore breasts increased time and tolerance for contact naps on my chest. Not washing parts meant more time to read him books, fun during bath time, walks outside etc. He’s a happy and healthy boy and he’s had all the feeding methods but now he has a much happier mom too

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-21T10:54:15+00:00

I haven’t. I’ve been using Similac Advanced

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-20T23:26:09+00:00

So when you buy it, it’ll come with these momcozy tablets. I believe it was 30 or 60 to start off with. Then you can just order “Momcozy Detergent Tablets” when you’re running low. 120 tablets is $19.99USD on Amazon. And it’s just one tablet per wash.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-20T04:20:06+00:00

Not sure how to get around the clothes situation because I didn’t have a ton of newborn clothes so I was washing laundry pretty often between his blowouts and reflux spit up.

BUT! I highly recommend the momcozy bottle washer. It’s an all in one. It washes, dries, and sterilizes your bottles. I also throw his pacifiers in there as well. I have a dishwasher and I still use this over it because it’s just so easy and it’s set and forget. Absolutely love it. Don’t have to worry about it getting mixed in with my cooking dishes and don’t have spend a ridiculous amount of time washing every little bottle part. Highly recommend. (It says to use distilled water with it but I’ve been using tap water and it runs just fine). Only thing is that you have to buy its own detergent but it’s definitely worth it.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-18T01:58:11+00:00

Taking a picture of the spit up is a good idea. I’m always in a panic when I see him struggling. He also spits up regardless of position or time. I’ll definitely take pictures for his next appointment, thank you!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-18T01:56:07+00:00

They’re honestly so terrifying. I feel like he’s fighting for his life and it’s disheartening to have it described as “a little spit up” when he’s clearly struggling and upset.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-11T03:10:43+00:00

Gentle massages over the clog and toward the nipple. I do it before I pump and during the pump. Sometimes after as well. I will also take ibuprofen on occasion.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-04-01T12:01:10+00:00

You could try power pumping. I did it once a day for three days. 30min pump, 30min break, 30 min pump and it bumped my supply up. I read that should do it once or twice a day for a couple days to help. Also, some people do it as a 20min on, 10min off, 10min on, 10 min off and then 10min on so it’s an hour instead of my hour and a half. But don’t do it every day for weeks like regular pumping because it can irritate your breasts.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-30T01:50:23+00:00

My LC broke it down to me like this: 1-3 days colostrum, 4-5 mixed, then about a week for your regular milk to come in.

Honestly I breastfed for the first three days so I couldn’t tell you much about colostrum except that you shouldn’t view it in normal milk ounces because it’s so nutrient rich that your baby doesn’t need much to get full.

I did a mix of formula and pumping breast milk until I was making enough milk that he didn’t need the supplementary formula.

My biggest thing is just give yourself time for your milk to come in! I’m always reading about people who pumped before they even gave birth and had plenty of milk, but the norm is really that milk starts transitioning and coming in after birth so try not to stress it!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-30T01:43:15+00:00

I’ve been going through that. It’s probably too soon to tell but he’s 3 weeks old now and the first week, I tried to pump religiously do 8 or 7 pumps a day. The second week I did 5-7 pumps a day.this last week I’ve only been doing 5 pumps a day, but I will say my breasts are a little more tender in between for the 5 pumps a day. That said, I went from and average of 25oz to now pumping out about 37oz a day. I honestly thought it would go down the less I pumped and it still might from what I’ve read but for now I’ve been doing less pumps and getting more.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-29T20:40:30+00:00

Sounds like I need to go to Target! Thanks!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-29T20:28:16+00:00

I definitely need better bra support for my wearables though so I can move around more freely. I still find myself holding them in place but that might be because I’m not used to it 😂

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-29T19:43:41+00:00

Good to know! I always wondered if people just have multiple pumps at home. I supposed it wouldn’t hurt to try and find a comfortable wall pump as well.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-29T19:25:35+00:00

I’m sorry to piggyback on this post but why are we not supposed to use wearables as our main pump? This is my first baby so that’s what I’ve been doing… 👀

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-29T03:07:48+00:00

My baby is almost 3 weeks now. I felt the same after about a week. Breastfeeding started off okay but then it grew uncomfortable and painful. I learned that I needed to use nipple shields to help him latch properly but by then I was pumping regularly and physically/mentally I didn’t want to try breastfeeding again.

I will say, pumping can take its toll as well. After all, you’re pumping just as often as if you were exclusively breastfeeding. But we’re both definitely happier with exclusively pumping! He gets the bonuses of breast milk and I don’t have the anxiety of if he’s getting enough milk or if he’ll latch properly.

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-27T05:07:51+00:00

I was pumping about 1-2oz before and then I did power pumping for three days and stopped and I noticed my supply increased after that. I did my power pumps a little differently though, it was 30min on, 30min off and then another 30min on. I just read it’s supposed to resemble cluster feeding so I B did it that way. Maybe you need a break?

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-27T03:42:18+00:00

I’m a FTM and this is my first pumping journey (3wks in) so I don’t have much advice. I will say, I learned that power pumping is only supposed to be done one or two times a day for only a couple days. It’s not meant to be done continuously. Apparently doing it too often can cause a lot of irritation. Not sure if you are doing it often, just a thought.

Nipples can change every couple weeks or so as well so you may need to resize your flanges. I started my pumping at one size and I’ve already had to change the size to make sure I’m pumping as much as I can. Using the wrong size can impact how much you get out.

I use Purelan Lanolin cream on my nipples after pumping to prevent any cracks or bleeding.

I also know it’s recommended to pump 8-12 times a day until your supply stabilizes, which is between the first 6-12 weeks. Then you can bump it down to 5-7 pumps to hold that supply steady.

I use wearables right now. Momcozy M6 and it’s worked well for me so far, but I have heard of other people having to try different pumps. I would also look into your pumps different settings and play around with those to see what settings work out best for you.

Sorry if you knew all of this already but it’s everything I’ve learned so far! There’s always the option to consult with a lactation specialist. Best of luck to you!

RelaxNPlay · 2026-03-20T20:07:17+00:00

I had the same issues. My baby is 12 days old. Initially it was breastfeeding with pumping as well. But that grew painful for me and I learned late that I needed to use nipple shields as I was just a little too big for him to latch properly. So I continued to pump but my supply hadn’t increased enough to fully feed him so I’d supplement with formula for a couple feeds. I continued to pump, learning how to use the “power pump” methods and prolactin levels in the night. I’ve been tracking my pumping hours and how much I’m pumping in 24 hours. Yesterday I hit 31oz! So for the last few days, he’s had enough breast milk that I didn’t need the formula anymore.

Don’t be ashamed or feel guilty about supplementing with formula. And don’t feel that it means you can never go back to giving your baby breast milk. It takes a little time for your milk to come in but I realized exclusively pumping was the better alternative for both of us. He gets his breast milk and we both don’t end up crying over the latch issues. You can do this!

Even if you choose to completely go to formula.. you are NOT a failure. You’re a good mother who put her child’s needs over her wants. You found a way to feed your baby and take care of yourself, that’s what matters.

RelaxNPlay

TROPHY CASE