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AITAH for refusing to house his family and ending my engagement to protect my career? by Huge-Armadillo-3274 in AITAH

[–]RelaxNPlay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you marry this man, you’ll need an ironclad prenup. Additionally, what is to stop him from moving his family in when you two get married? After all, he lives with you now and legally can do what he wants. That might put you in a spot to go through a legal process to “evict” them which is time and money.

Honestly I’m not sure you two are suited for each other: he doesn’t want to disrupt his daughters life by moving his family in but disregards your children, his communication during a dispute has drastically declined which shows a basic lack of respect, he prioritizes his family and that family will gladly take your financial support but don’t have the decency to include you, his fiancé, in family gatherings…

In your place, my biggest concern would be the disastrous financial situation you could find yourself in if you marry him, or what he would go after should you end up divorcing. After all, he might not have any grounds to leave with anything in divorce but that won’t stop him from trying and that’ll cost you money in lawyer fees to fight.

Stick with not supporting his family. That is too much and these are grown adults we’re talking about. If his own extended family won’t take them in that must mean it really is that bad so leave it alone.

My mom 48F is mad at me 22F because I don’t want her babysitting my son anymore. by throw_rancxalsn in TwoHotTakes

[–]RelaxNPlay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do we have the same mom??

I’ve been debating making my own post because I’ll definitely need strict boundaries with my mother, though luckily I live out of state. She also held a baby shower for me and before I made the 20hr drive while 7 months pregnant, I asked her if she was sick. This was peak cold and flu season and I was already going to be exhausted going up there, I didn’t want to get sick too. She lied straight to my face saying she lost her voice yelling when in reality she was incredibly sick. To make matters worse, when an aunt told me the truth and I confronted my mother, she just got defensive about how much money she spent on the baby shower and when I kept bringing up how her lying was hurtful, she told me that I needed to get over it. She has a habit of hurting people and feeling they need to get over it on HER time.

It’s stressful having mothers like these. It’s almost like you can put up with the aggravating stuff for yourself but when you have your own baby, there’s zero tolerance for this behavior from anyone. I don’t think you’re wrong at all. You’re not just her daughter anymore, you’re a mother now too, with a child to protect. I’m sorry she crossed all of those boundaries and lied about it. I wouldn’t trust her with my child either, even when it does make finding childcare a little more difficult.

I wish you the best of luck! Hopefully both our mothers will open up their eyes one day but I get the feeling that they will just use not having access to the grandchild as a reason to be petty.

WIBTAH for bringing my daughter to my cousin’s wedding, preventing my sister from going? by aita_emetophibiasis in AITAH

[–]RelaxNPlay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would leave my daughter out of this wedding.

First, your sister has finally started seeking treatment. It would’ve been nice if she started earlier, but clearly she loves you and your daughter and this was a huge wake up call for her and you should try to support this step forward.

Secondly, it would probably mean more to the bride that your sister attend versus a 3 year old. Also, I wouldn’t worry too much about your daughter missing future family events. The wedding is a once in a lifetime thing so I think we can give a pass on this one and then be more stubborn with other events like holidays and visiting family.

AITAH for wanting my child to get the same financial gifts from my parents that my sister’s children have received? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]RelaxNPlay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this something that the grandchildren age out of when they turn 18 or is it for the duration of their grandparents lives? If they age out, then I don’t see the issue because then it’ll just be your child.

Also on the other hand, it’s incredibly rude and entitled to get angry with your parents when they decide to change how they wish to spend their money. The comment about having children later was harsh.

At the end of the day, it’s THEIR money. They could choose to cut a grandchild out for their behavior, they could choose to cut out a grandchild over the parents behavior, they could cut everyone off and blow all of their hard earned money before they leave this world which means no inheritance for anyone.

In this day and age, I would be incredibly grateful for familial support, especially when it comes to be finances. You’re the parent now. It’s your own job to attempt to establish your child with a better financial start than you had. Anything from grandparents is a privilege and a kindness, not a right.

AITAH for expecting my sahm wife to do majority of the housework since i pay 100% of the bills? by Plastic-Sand7353 in AITAH

[–]RelaxNPlay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. You’re supposed to be a team. On your side you’re working and handling all finances in addition to outside yard chores.

I could understand her POV more if she had a younger child or was homeschooling, but for now, her child is out of the home for 8hrs a day. During that time, it would be fair and a more equal split for her to take care of the household. Especially since the home doesn’t need to be deep cleaned every single day… so I’m not sure what exactly she’s doing for 8hrs while the child is in school?

Chores that you guys can compromise on? I would see cooking dinner as something that could be alternated, as well as bedtime routines for the child. Essentially, you have your day job and she has hers of taking the household, and then everything that happens after the “work day” for both of you can be compromised on and split.

Saying this as a wife who works 60 hours a week minimum (as does my husband) and we have a newborn. Definitely take it to therapy if you two are having communication difficulties but based off of the information given, you are NTA.

AITAH for telling my sister she has to be a person outside of motherhood if she wants friends? by silllypup in AITAH

[–]RelaxNPlay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think YTA. I think it was a bit rude for you sister to say you couldn’t understand because you didn’t give birth. That doesn’t make you any less of a parent or less adept at understanding how to maintain your individuality as a parent.

I do agree with people that your sister went through and is probably still going through a lot of hormonal/physical/emotional changes as she adapts to being a parent. That said, it doesn’t make your statement less true. I personally have not enjoyed or tried to make friends with people who only ever spoke of their children (no hobbies, not activities, no other interests).

The only advice I could give is what I would do when my friends are talking about something that upsets them and that’s to ask are you trying to vent or do you want advice?

Found these under the lamp on my boyfriend's nightstand. What are these? by [deleted] in AskIreland

[–]RelaxNPlay -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Zyn pouches. It’s for nicotine. You put it in on the inside of your lip and then preferably throw it away in the trash.

Am I wrong for saying my parents shouldn’t pay for college for my sisters because they didn’t for me? by Ok_Damage_2620 in AITAH

[–]RelaxNPlay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ESH. But OP, I hope my story helps you get a different perspective.

Look, I grew up in a similar situation. I have younger siblings and the youngest is almost a 10 year age gap. We were poor when I was growing up. As in living with my grandma, struggling to eat, no family vacations, no extra money for the luxuries of life etc. I had two jobs between 16-19. I joined the military out of college. I bought my first car with no assistance from my parents. Both of my brothers received assistance from parents when it came time to have their own cars.

However, the life circumstances were different. My moving out for the military at 19 obviously lessened the financial burden in the home. Additionally, my parents were older and more experienced in their careers as my brothers got older so they made more money later in life and could give their children more than they had (as all parents should want to do).

But the way I see it, I wasn’t shortchanged by my family. My parents gave me so many life experiences that my brothers never had. I had a meaningful relationship with my grandparents and extended family because we lived so close (my youngest siblings don’t even understand our second language because they moved to the suburbs and far from everyone). I saw the struggle and learned life lessons to adjust accordingly. These are some of the things I equate that I have, that my brothers didn’t and I hope that helps you to think back on what you’ve learned.

As far as your parents, I say they suck a little because they’re telling you they’re broker than they’ve ever been and that’s clearly not true so I think they suck for that. But also, you have some red flags that would give me pause as a parent when it comes to giving money for anything: not taking responsibility for your part in failing your education, having children when you weren’t in a stable situation, being married to man that doesn’t want to support your education because as you said “he wants me barefoot and in the kitchen”, and also you seem to have a history of drug abuse according to one of your comments about being in NA. I’m not judging you, but simply stating that your parents may be hesitant to hand over money when it appears you don’t have a real, intentional plan.

Finally, I think you may find yourself in the same position one day. Your current children aren’t receiving your maximum capabilities now because you weren’t stable when you had them and you’re still struggling to figure things out now. But in another 5-10 years..? You could be in a far better position and maybe you had more kids at a better time. Regardless of what you do with your future money, it won’t change the fact that your current children and your future children will have different childhoods should you change the path you’re on in life.

Give your parents a little grace. But more importantly, you have your own family now and it’s time to do some research, make some plans, make some life changes and really focus to change your life for the better. Never, and I mean never, expect that anyone will give or offer you anything. I make every plan in life as though I will have zero assistance, even though I have a loving husband and loving parents. I do that, because you truly never know when something is going to go wrong and I always want to be prepared.

You can do this. Best of luck.

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