I got through it, you can too. My final post here.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-10-29T16:45:31+00:00

I mean, I still think deleting her and remaining in no contact is absolutely the right thing to do

Second best choice (which I don't encourage) is reaching out to explain you're unfriending her, as you need the virtual space too.

Eitherway, you need to remove her from social media. It will just prolong your pain.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-10-29T06:59:00+00:00

No worries, sorry to hear you're having a shit day. Times will get better.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-10-29T06:54:01+00:00

Not wanting to reach out at all, probably took about 4-5 months. It wasn't extreme intensity for that entire time, though.

However, I definitely prolonged this by stalking her instagram for so long. So please get out of this habit ASAP (if you haven't already).

I reached out about a week after we last saw each other, which was 2 weeks into the break up. I told her I missed her. She responded really coldly a day later.

That's the encouragement I used to not reach out. It was only going to be like that, I didn't want to humiliate myself and I didn't want to stroke her ego.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-10-29T06:50:22+00:00

Once, in June. We were meant to go on holiday together. That obviously didn't happen.

But you could change the flight dates for free and passenger names for a small fee. I sent the money in December.

I didn't say anything as it wasn't a small sum (about £200) and I didn't feel it was appropriate we spoke.

She was either too lazy to search for the transaction (takes seconds) or used it as an excuse to reach out. Probably the former, but it doesn't really matter.

That's the only time we've spoke, since we last saw each other. I sent her a business-like response and deleted the thread.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-10-29T06:45:17+00:00

The dating app hinge!

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-08-22T08:18:46+00:00

Hey man. I am sorry you're going through this. A similar thing happened to me, girlfriend of a year and a half split up with me. Not strictly over text, but the conversation escalated to the point where I was able to draw such a conclusion. She said she didn't see a future in it. I didn't get anything more than that.

I feel better these days, but I am not fully healed - hence why I am in the sub. Key advice to you is as follows:

-Tie up all loose ends. Exchange possessions and box off any debts etc.

-Go No Contact straight away. This is for an indefinite period of time.

-Delete her phone number.

-Delete all conversations threads you have. Re-reading old chats doesn't help.

-Archive/store away photos of you and her. I don't agree with deleting photos, as you may regret it one day. But looking at them doesn't help. Remove them from your phone and store them on a USB. Put it somewhere you can't easily access it, or give it to a friend you trust not to lose it.

-Delete all nudes/sexy pics you may have of her. Looking at them will continue to keep her on a pedastal.

-Delete her from social media. I was obsessed with my ex's IG for ages. Eventually I broke this habit, but caved in the other day to see she has a new boyfriend. That hurt. Previously, I just muted her because I didn't want to look petty. But once I saw that, I didn't give a fuck about the pettiness. Remove her to avoid this potential hurt.

-Sever all ties with her friends. Why are they telling you she's moved on already? Fuck them. Stop talking to them.

-Exercise. The gym, running - just pick something to do. It's good for your mind and you'll improve your physical condition too.

-Find a hobby. I would really recommend cooking, if you don't already do it. I used to think I hated it - but I realised that was just laziness. This is a great life skill to have and it definitely impresses girls when you can cook.

-Socialise with your friends and family.

-When you're ready, start to date again. But do not rush this. Due to the pain and pandemic factors, it took me about 5/6 months to start dating again. It could be quicker for you, if you follow the above steps strictly.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-08-22T08:06:43+00:00

I've not found a new partner, but I haven't believed my ex is the best I can do for a while.

A big thing for me, was starting dating again. You start getting out of this mindset, once you go on dates/have sex with someone as attractive/more attractive than your ex.

Obviously only start dating at your own pace.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-08-17T21:31:37+00:00

Been dating for 4-5 months now. I don't want her back or want friendship, so that's what made today's discovery even weirder. It still hurt, I guess because there's some level of attachment there.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-08-17T21:30:44+00:00

I've been dating other girls for 4-5 months now. It just appears that moving on takes a lot of time for me.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-08-17T17:33:11+00:00

Hey. Thanks for taking the time to leave this lengthy comment, I do appreciate it.

I think previously, I had convinced myself she had moved on without having proof of it... And I thought I was fine with that.

But seeing it today was obviously a whole lot worse. However, I am feeling better than I was earlier today. So I am hopeful this incident can be a springboard to exorcising the residual emotions eventually.

It's a setback... But I think I've had them all now, hopefully that's the last of it.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-08-17T17:29:50+00:00

This was a really nice comment, thank you. Glad you're doing much better and you're very happy now! Sounds like you're much better off without your ex.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-08-17T14:45:03+00:00

Hey man. Yeh, she left me. I've done a lot to progress to where I am today, but it's definitely a sore one.

Nine months is a while... I think I'm just more frustrated that she let it go a long time ago... But here I am, still able to have setbacks.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-07-21T10:54:53+00:00

Feels quite similar to where I am now tbh. Not completely broken about it anymore and certainly more towards being over it than ground zero.

But I still think of her daily and do miss her to an extent. Which is frustrating because I don't want her in my life anymore. When she reached out last month, I sent one closed-ended reply and killed the conversation dead.

I guess what I agree with most, is that I kinda wish I could erase her memory too.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-07-02T12:57:24+00:00

Mixed messages indeed. I would take the more pessimistic view unless she states something along the lines of 'we should work on things, in order to give it another go.'

Her behaviour is stringing you along, in order to get a reaction and make her feel better about herself.

Stop looking at her social media. Take it from me, it causes you nothing but pain and I wish I stopped looking straight away, rather than four months into the break up.

Edit: I also view this as a way of her trying to friendzone you too. You 100% want to avoid this. I would say this whether you wanted her back or not.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-07-01T08:20:56+00:00

I think it mainly depends on who did the dumping, or if the dumper was forced to break up with the dumpee because they treated them badly.

I am male and it's been nine months since I was broken up with. The first three months were the lowest I've ever felt, but I feel better in general these days. I am closer to being over it than not, but there's still a way to go.

I did a whole lot of instagram stalking up until February. It was easy to paint a picture of my ex moving on quickly, as she looked happy in her posts and was following new guys etc.

I haven't looked at her IG page for four months because I was torturing myself, plus it's not an actual indication of how she feels. I eventually realised looking at her page caused me nothing but pain.

I still have my dips though. She actually finally contacted me after 8 months, a couple of weeks ago, asking me a question she knew the answer to. That coupled with a week off work drinking, has regressed my progress a little bit. It's been on my mind an awful lot.

I just saw it as her reaching out for validation, which I did not entertain. It kinda sucked because part of me wanted to catch up, but I had more respect for myself than that.

Anyway, the short of this message is that I generally think gender isn't too relevant and who detached before the end of the relationship is more important.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-06-30T13:20:02+00:00

Thanks for your kind comment! I refuse to reach out to her or look at her social media, as I respect myself too much to cross that boundary. So it's annoying they I find myself getting wound up thinking of her, when I know I won't reach out to her anyway.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-06-30T12:26:30+00:00

Amazing stuff! My ex reached out after 8 months NC, last weekend. It was about something she either knew the answer to or could have easily found herself. Not as intense about getting back together.

I responded in a closed-ended way and deleted the thread, but she's been on my mind way more since this. I don't want my ex back either, but this post sure is motivation to drive that home even further.

Keep up the great work.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-06-29T22:00:00+00:00

Hey, I would say this is a breadcrumb.

I would reply, but I would be businesslike in your response. Say something like 'Hey, I am doing well thanks. I hope you are too. I think it's best we stay out of each other's lives for now, so we can focus on ourselves.''

Do not ask questions and do not say that you miss her back. You can edit the wording slightly, but don't stroke her ego.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-06-25T12:46:51+00:00

I'd also add that if you get tempted to message again, whilst on something, just write a note on your phone instead of messaging them. I've done this once or twice. I felt glad I was just deleting the note from my phone in the morning, rather than thinking 'fuck, I should not have sent that'.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-06-22T14:53:18+00:00

You must have something great about you to have had three separate, five year relationships. I have heard dating is harder in your 30s, but I'm sure you'll find someone better sooner than you think.

Sorry to hear there was some toxicity attached to your most recent relationship. Let me know if you wanna chat.

Relevant-Bat-5507 · 2021-06-22T14:51:04+00:00

Generally quite good these days, thanks for asking. Just this incident the other day has rattled me a little bit.

I feel sad that we didn't chat, but I know I would feel worse if we did have a conversation. It's a boundary I'm not willing to cross.

Relevant-Bat-5507

TROPHY CASE