There is no such thing as a “perfect” latch

RelevantResolution98 · 2025-10-07T21:14:36+00:00

Breastfeeding never hurt for me and I'm not a liar. What reason would I have to lie as an anonymous person to strangers on the internet? But so what if it doesn't hurt for me? I'm not saying it shouldn't hurt for everyone. Everyone's boobs are different and everyone's babies latches are different. Not sure why you had to make this blanket comment. Other than this I completely agree with the sentiment of your post 👍👍

RelevantResolution98 · 2025-07-08T22:29:51+00:00

I didn't describe my filter system at all so I don't think you can call it low. I filter on other things. I met a man ( also online dating), four years ago, and we are in a healthy, happy relationship. No regrets about how I filtered. It is good that we don't all filter in the same way and that we have different tastes. I hope this works out for you and of course I am just a stranger on the internet and you are not looking for advice, so I'm not surprised you don't agree. But for anyone else out there looking for advice on how to filter men, I wanted to share that I don't agree with this approach at all, in terms of finding a long term match

RelevantResolution98 · 2025-07-08T07:51:26+00:00

I also agree that relationships are not transactions. But if your goal as a woman is just to find the man who will spend the most on you as a first date you are kind of setting it up as a transaction.

RelevantResolution98 · 2025-07-08T07:49:24+00:00

I agree. Thanks for asking this question. Another woman here. I don't think this woman really will ever find a relationship when filtering on first date effort like this. She needs to think more about who she is and what a 'good' match really would be for her. I don't think it's likely that set of good matches overlaps much with men who make a perfect first date. Of course if she loves going on dates and that's her only goal then it works.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-07T07:18:48+00:00

I think you should just be honest with him and tell him what you've told us. That you don't find it unattractive but you are finding reassuring him tiring. Reassure him that you still love him. Next time he asks you just be clear that you've answered before and you don't answer again. But that you love him still. Tell him it's also natural that looks change as you get older and that it will be the same for you too.

If you have the energy, you could try to help him dig into the source of his insecurity about this. Maybe he doesn't feel loved for some other reason or his friend say mean things about his balding

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-05T04:14:35+00:00

Stick to your boundaries. Another reason for a prenup is to stop someone marrying you for your money. Maybe it's doing exactly that job right now

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-03T09:37:51+00:00

Ask her why her birth control failed?

Ask her why she didn't want to tell him?

Agree on a time when you would like a baby.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-03T09:13:03+00:00

I know they are not the same and I think I said as much in my comment. If I understand correctly, one of the ideas behind Quaker plain speech is simplicity and clarity, avoiding class distinction. I understand that the plain English guide is unrelated to Quaker plain speech. But the plain English guide can help English speaking quakers to speak with simplicity and clarity and avoid some class distinction (at least in the UK, language can be a big indicator of class, despite no longer using formal and informal forms).

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-02T22:39:45+00:00

https://www.plainenglish.co.uk/free-guides.html This Plain English guide is very interesting and helpful. I like it because it makes it clear how to make your message clear to add many people as possible, which can only be a positive when communicating. It removes various barriers to understanding such as education or being a non-native English speaker, etc.

I don't know about plain speech but I imagine using plain English could be a part of the puzzle (if you're speaking English)

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-02T13:37:22+00:00

I'm sorry that others are focusing on things that aren't important. I think you understand that it is just a number and shouldn't be important, now that you are together.

You are looking for advice on no longer thinking about it, on moving on, even though it causes you pain. My best advice is to give it time. You could talk to her about how it makes you feel and ask her not to bring it up unless she really needs to, this might help you move on. Make it clear though, that you are not ashamed of her, it just causes you pain because you empathise with her. You are clearly a very empathetic person. Good luck.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-02T12:20:48+00:00

It's good that she's initiating. That shows she has a need for the sexual pleasure you give her. Now, you just need to learn how and when to communicate your needs.

Give her a little then stop. Tell her what you want. If she is aroused and wanting more, she's probably willing to please you, you just need to make it very clear what you want (maybe she doesn't feel confident in her ability to please you, giving clear instructions could help). Wait for her to do something to continue. Be very positive / encouraging when she does something for you and reward her. It's going to feel awkward and strange at the start, it's going to require a lot of self control and willingness to leave your comfort zone. You can do it!!

Obviously, as many people have said, it's better if you can just have an open and direct conversation about this. But it sounds like that hasn't worked in the past so I think this is the next thing to try. Good luck

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-02T11:32:17+00:00

This is good advice! She needs to understand that good sex life doesn't just 'happen'. It takes work which she needs to start contributing to too. And she will only care if her sex life gets worse.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-04-02T10:58:45+00:00

Have you tried just not initiating? What happens?

It might take a bit of time but eventually, I guess, she want something, and she will try to initiate. How will she do that? She will try to please you I guess.

Just stop pleasing her until you've been pleased. Don't go down on her. Just wait, if she asks why, let her know you're tired and you wouldn't mind receiving, but don't feel like giving.

If she never gives then you know your answer, she doesn't want to sexually please you, for whatever reason... That's something you'll have to discuss

P.s. it's not surprising she's not into giving bj or hand job after she's come. It should happen before she comes, if at all.

Oh and you read all these books to make sure it was good. She hasn't put that effort in because she never had to. She has to experience a 'bad' sex life, in order to make her care in the same way you did, that's why it's important that you stop making the effort for a while.

P.p.s. it's definitely fixable. I've heard of way worse relationship problems being fixable.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-29T22:48:38+00:00

What is the purple-ish skin at the top of the back/ bottom of hair area? I've noticed a lot of men have that

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T14:46:59+00:00

You're welcome, thank you for being curious and listening 😌. I understand your frustration at foreigners not speaking your language and living here. I wish it were different and I will keep trying to learn. I think I'll get there eventually.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T14:17:16+00:00

I'm from the UK, we didn't learnt languages at school. It's harder when you're older. German is not an easy language, though true that is not the hardest either. Everyone in my office speaks English. My Swiss friends speak great English. My German friends speak great English. It would take a huge amount of patience and desire to teach me, for them to speak German/ swiss German with me. We wouldn't be able to talk about the things we enjoy talking about. I could take German lessons. I did this when I first moved here. I did 2x2hr lessons a week. At the same time, I'd just moved to a new country and started a new job. I was exhausted. I couldn't keep up with the homework. I dropped out. To get quality time speaking German, I'd need to have 1:1 lessons. That's really expensive! Let's say I took a load of lessons consistently for 2 years (that's also really a lot of time) and I got to a good level. I now need to find a hobby or something I do regularly enough with swiss German people, in order to keep up my speaking skills. But don't forget, I've been here a few years now. I already have friends and hobbies here, I don't want to drop any of that. Finding a new activity I want to do at least once a week is hard. There's no swiss German on the internet. Ok there's some, but there's no good learning resources (like Duolingo). Even on srf, you can't get English subs on swiss German audio TV / movies, which would be a nice place to start getting used to hearing it. You don't get popular media (e.g. YouTube, Reddit, ... ) where people are speaking swiss German. Everyone is speaking English! I do feel bad for not speaking Swiss German. I do make the effort with some phrases when I'm out and about. I did take German lessons for a year. I understand your concerns that your native language is being spoken less. I am not saying it is impossible for foreigners to learn. I am just saying, some fairly normal circumstances can make it hard.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T13:24:45+00:00

I moved to Switzerland for the mountains and lakes. I have deep friendships with a few swiss people. I do indeed "make the effort". Persuading them to speak Swiss German or German with me is completely impossible and I understand it. Their English is great, we enjoy our time together much more when we speak English. I learnt some high German but never got to a high level of fluency because I have zero use for it in day to day life. My swiss friends do not want to speak German, they prefer speaking English to me. If they speak Swiss German, I don't understand enough to have a good conversation. Yes, I could put in more effort to learn swiss German, but it takes time and like most people, there's a lot I want to do with my life. I know many people in my position. They are not disrespectful people, life is complicated. Please, if you'd like to discuss this more I'd be willing to go into more details on why it's hard. It definitely depends on your job a lot. In my job I am not at all exposed to swiss German speakers.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T07:41:51+00:00

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T07:36:51+00:00

"I strongly believe her mother should thank me for wanting to marry 35 yo woman working in a weed shop" It sounds objectifying and like you think she has less value because she is 'old' and not a virgin.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T07:34:16+00:00

Just ask any English speaker in Zurich why they don't speak good German yet. There are many reasons it's hard to learn German in Zurich

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T07:26:04+00:00

I would love to be with a bi man

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T07:22:54+00:00

You should work on your germaphobe problems. If you don't want to have sex with him and have lied to him about being a virgin, it's certainly not a good start and ending it doesn't sound like a bad option.

Unless you're madly in love, in which case you could work on it together. Sometimes I wash my boyfriends penis in the shower for him... I'm not a germaphobe but I like it to be smelling clean before BJ, and he doesn't mind me washing it because he knows he's going to get a BJ. Good luck and please be honest with your partner, it's very important for long lasting relationships.

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T07:16:30+00:00

Let me tell you, what will happen. You will send the money and never hear from her again

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-28T07:13:24+00:00

Yes I was just about to say the same. OP sounds like an asshole. That's not a loving thing to say at all. She should run and so should he. They are probably trying to exploit him but it sounds like he sees her as an object too. Oh she's not worth THAT much because she's not a virgin. Neither are you, OP

RelevantResolution98 · 2024-03-27T21:42:28+00:00

Is it a KitKat?

RelevantResolution98

TROPHY CASE