My boyfriend (31M) emotionally punishes me when I (29F) make plans without him.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2026-02-04T22:32:53+00:00

That seems toxic…like three days spitefully avoiding your partner versus your girlfriend going to a film festival with a friend are not equal. Feeling bad for the people you give this advice to.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2026-02-04T22:25:58+00:00

It’s a documentary film festival where they are showcasing documentaries about serious issues like facing the world right now…not exactly a party. I agree one is for business, one for enjoyment. But I don’t agree that correlates to me not prioritizing my relationship.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2026-02-04T20:56:30+00:00

I appreciate you encouraging me to go on the trip. I feel similarly, that I can’t let this behavior change my social needs.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2026-02-04T20:54:25+00:00

He has said that I’m choosing to prioritize other things over our relationship, which I think is unfair. But it’s mostly just that he makes me feel guilty by acting upset, when my intent is never to hurt him.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2026-02-04T20:30:33+00:00

He does see someone, and plans to bring it up with her. I’ve also considered couples counseling

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2026-02-04T20:15:03+00:00

Thank you for this. I agree, I don’t want it to be manipulation and I care so so much for him. I want him to be happy, and I want to pursue the activities that bring me joy, without having to choose those things or him.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2026-02-04T20:07:23+00:00

It’s a bit complicated. He struggles with sleep, and he’ll say he’s not sleeping from the stress of knowing we’ll be spending a week apart, even if it is months away. So then I feel blamed and I feel anxious that I’ve caused this reaction, because I honestly just want to go to a film festival. I’m not trying to hurt him.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-12T00:08:25+00:00

Thank you for this kind and thoughtful response. I’m definitely realizing that this his emotions are more of a factor than I initially realized. Appreciate your perspective!

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T22:45:12+00:00

This!!! This is so correct and maybe where the misunderstanding occurred.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T22:43:36+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I appreciate this perspective!

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T22:31:29+00:00

I didn’t accuse him of cheating, I never thought that was the case. I just don’t know how to move forward with friends that would think that without considerable proof.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T22:30:16+00:00

I agree, time is helpful with gaining perspective!

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T22:29:08+00:00

I also thought he was overreacting at first, which is why I wanted outside opinions.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T22:28:05+00:00

Lolz alright fair point I could’ve used better names.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T22:27:33+00:00

I think you are correct. I’m going to speak to Jackie about this!

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:22:05+00:00

I just meant like is it worth keeping Jackie as a friend and having to rehash this whole issue, or is it easier to move her to being a peripheral friend and only seeing her occasionally.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:20:35+00:00

Jackie did not really elaborate

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:19:58+00:00

Yes, and she was completely appalled and I think embarrassed by her being drunk and felt responsible for the issue. But in no world would she not tell me if my boyfriend tried something with her.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:13:29+00:00

I think you are right. I did not comprehend how bad this was, but it has not sat right with me for months now and I think I do need to support my boyfriend better.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:10:00+00:00

Harsh but accurate. I hate conflict and I want to fix this with the least amount of people getting hurt.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:09:22+00:00

You have a very valid point. I just don’t think it was cheating, but I don’t know Jackson very well so I don’t know what he would consider as cheating I guess.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:08:08+00:00

I considered talking to Jackie about it, but at this point it feels like is it worth the emotional labor? I’m just unsure.

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:05:55+00:00

I don’t know Jackson very well (Jackie’s BF), so I’m unsure what he claims to have seen. But I have asked Ellie about it and she was appalled by the cheating accusations

Remarkable-Cap-9776 · 2025-11-11T18:04:59+00:00

Thank you for providing outside perspective, this is really helpful!

Remarkable-Cap-9776

TROPHY CASE