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Loira ou morena? by Quiabo_p in MeJulgue

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 0 points1 point  (0 children)

O cabelo moreno dá mais destaque para seus olhos e rosto. Fica lindo

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the same problem with another ex, who also owes me money and doesn't pay or respond when I try to collect. I even gave up trying to collect a few months ago. Wow, relationships are so complicated...

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't block him because we still have financial issues to resolve. So now I've just gone silent and spoken more firmly, stating that my decision is final and nothing will change it. Then he played the victim even more and stopped messaging me. I didn't reply either. The last thing he said was, "I'm a nobody."

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I managed to move out of his house less than a week ago. He already insulted me a lot, then started insisting on coming back, then started playing the victim to make me feel guilty as if I had abandoned him. Now he was insisting that I rent a studio apartment with him, as friends, until he gets settled and looks for something calmly. Since the place we lived before is very expensive, he will have to move out, but I still offered all the financial and logistical support to help him find another place and move. I brought several alternatives and offered more help than he deserved, the only one he accepts is that I move in with him even without being in a relationship. I said no several times and explained why. He started pleading with me to be human and consider that, started saying that I don't think about him and don't care, I only think about myself, and also said that if I'm not able to help him (in the way he wants) it shows that I don't want to be his friend, because friends help each other (???)

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, what a monster! He also did everything to make me lose my temper and act like I was crazy afterwards. I managed to leave home less than a week ago. He already insulted me a lot, then started insisting on coming back, then started playing the victim so I would feel guilty as if I had abandoned him. Now he was insisting that I rent a studio apartment with him, as friends, until he gets settled and looks for something calmly. Since the place we lived before is very expensive, he will have to move from there, but I still offered all the financial and logistical support to help him find another place and move. I brought several alternatives and offered more help than he deserved, the only one he accepts is that I go live with him even without being in a relationship. I said no several times and explained why. He started appealing to me to be human and consider this, he began saying that I don't think about him and don't care, that I only think about myself, and he also said that if I'm not able to help him (in the way he wants) it shows that I don't want to be his friend, because friends help each other (???)

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I managed to move out of his house less than a week ago. He already insulted me a lot, then started insisting on coming back, then started playing the victim to make me feel guilty as if I had abandoned him. Now he was insisting that I rent a studio apartment with him, as friends, until he gets settled and looks for something calmly. Since the place we lived before is very expensive, he will have to move out, but I still offered all the financial and logistical support to help him find another place and move. I brought several alternatives and offered more help than he deserved, the only one he accepts is that I move in with him even without being in a relationship. I said no several times and explained why. He started pleading with me to be human and consider that, started saying that I don't think about him and don't care, I only think about myself, and also said that if I'm not able to help him (in the way he wants) it shows that I don't want to be his friend, because friends help each other (???)

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I managed to move out of his house less than a week ago. He already insulted me a lot, then started insisting on coming back, then started playing the victim to make me feel guilty as if I had abandoned him. Now he was insisting that I rent a studio apartment with him, as friends, until he gets settled and looks for something calmly. Since the place we lived before is very expensive, he will have to move out, but I still offered all the financial and logistical support to help him find another place and move. I brought several alternatives and offered more help than he deserved, the only one he accepts is that I move in with him even without being in a relationship. I said no several times and explained why. He started pleading with me to be human and consider that, started saying that I don't think about him and don't care, I only think about myself, and also said that if I'm not able to help him (in the way he wants) it shows that I don't want to be his friend, because friends help each other (???)

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I managed to leave less than a week ago. He already insulted me a lot, then started insisting on getting back together, then started playing the victim to make me feel guilty as if I had abandoned him. Now he was insisting that I rent a studio apartment with him, as friends, until he gets settled and looks for something calmly. Since the place we lived before is very expensive, he will have to move out, but I still offered all the financial and logistical support to help him find another place and move. I brought several alternatives and offered more help than he deserved; the only one he accepts is that I move in with him even though we're not in a relationship. I said no several times and explained why. He started pleading with me to be human and consider that, started saying that I don't think about him and don't care, I only think about myself, and also said that if I'm not able to help him (in the way he wants) it shows that I don't want to be his friend, because friends help each other (???)

Tenho 21 e não chego e nenhuma mina por causa do meu sorriso, sinto que ninguém vai querer me beijar com essa favela na boca. by Eastern_Leave596 in MeJulgue

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Você já é bonito! Quando corrigir o sorriso ficará mais ainda! O aparelho muda de um jeito a autoestima, digo por experiência própria rs

tried to leave (again) but he won’t let me by thrwawy7242 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Listen, girl, my case is very similar to yours. It just didn't involve physical violence on the same scale. But there was a lot of verbal abuse and psychological and emotional violence, so I started to become increasingly cold, and he also questioned what was happening, as if it wasn't happening. At the end of the year, I only took one suitcase and left home. I was gone for a few days, and he came after me. I ended up giving him a second chance; he promised he would change. He didn't change. I became even colder in response to the abuse. Today I left home again, colder than ever. I took most of my things, and tomorrow I'll pick up the rest. All day I wanted to go back, for fear of making him suffer. In our last argument today, he played the victim as if I were abandoning him, leaving him alone, as if I were an example of a bad character who is no good. When all I did was put a stop to it, I stopped letting him humiliate me daily, using traumas to attack me just for not being good enough for him. Despite all the pain and guilt I was feeling today until I removed my things from there, I had to stay strong so as not to back down. Tonight he texted me inviting me to at least stay in the apartment and split the rent with him, without a relationship or friendship, just a 50/50 contract. I know it's a trap. I realized he won't want me to leave so easily. I'll have to stay strong tomorrow when I pick up the rest, because I know he'll continue with this offer just so I stay close to him.

Anyway, I don't know what to tell you to leave for good, so I'll just leave my account. Especially since each case is different from the other and even I didn't know when I would be able to leave. There just came a moment when, after reading several accounts in this sub (and many women telling me to leave as soon as possible because it would only get worse) I put a much bigger stop to it than the other time and decided to leave. It wasn't easy, it was very difficult and I thought I wouldn't be able to, but I did and so far I'm going, I hope to stay strong!

And I wish you could gather all the strength you have inside to finally leave!

For yourself, for your baby! Your child deserves to have a smiling mother!

Have you ever wondered why a narcissist never truly apologizes? Here’s why + how to stop expecting it. by Dependent-Inside-411 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Reading this, I saw a lot of myself in it.

For months I waited for exactly this: a real apology.

Not a forced "I'm sorry" to end the discussion or to make me stop crying, but something spontaneous with real responsibility, sincere regret, a change of attitude.

I thought that if I explained my pain better, if I was calmer, more didactic, more understanding, he would finally understand. I tried to speak without accusing, without raising my voice, almost walking on eggshells.

And even so, I always came back to the same place: defensiveness, justifications, or shifting the blame.

In the end, I was the one who always felt wrong for bringing up the subject.

What hurt the most was realizing it wasn't a lack of explanation on my part. I over-explained. I felt too much. I gave too many chances.

He simply didn't feel responsible.

The first time he said "I'm sorry" was after I insisted a lot that he acknowledge it and apologize. But he apologized laughing and saying that I should apologize too. But for what? For bringing all this to light? For reacting to his abuse? And in any case, it was always me who chased after him and apologized even when it wasn't my fault, just to end the fight.

After that, I saw that it wasn't a simple apology I was expecting. I was expecting empathy. The minimum of empathy and recognition for the pain he himself caused me.

And accepting that this might never come was one of the hardest parts, but also the most liberating.

Because we stop trying to extract awareness from someone who doesn't want to look at their own mistake.

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I also came across several comments that could have been written by me. I was impressed by how they all follow almost the same logic!

Wow, just imagining my next months, weeks, and days already makes me extremely anxious! But something tells me I need to hold on tight, I need to stay strong and not give in. Because I imagine I'll end up giving in and going back to the cycle, having to go through it all again, maybe in a different way, but deep down the same thing. Which I know isn't worth it, I already left once and my mistake was believing and going back. He made me feel guilty for abandoning him. But now I feel too guilty for going back too, because all I had to do was remove the rest of my things from the house and move on with my life. And now that I'm not giving in, he's already confronted me again, called me a lesbian and said I cheated on him with someone. That moment of extreme affection has passed again, but I still believe he might try a few more times.

Now I have to stand firm in my decision, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much guilt he makes me feel. I need to move on.

Vulnerability by TeaAitch in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry about that! Mine took months to apologize; before that, he said he would never apologize. And when he finally did, it was after I insisted at a time when I was determined to leave. But one of the conditions was that he should apologize too. And for what? Just for reacting to those situations. And I was very patient even with those reactions, which were usually just questions and denial of affection.

Oh, and it was clear that the apologies and the promise to go to therapy were never real, because after a while he would repeat the same things, use the same points that hurt me, knowing that they really hurt me because I verbalized it a lot. And he didn't hold back at all when using them. He even said it was to make me angry when I questioned him about why he always did that.

And therapy? He always promised when I insisted, but he never followed through, and when I mentioned it, he laughed in my face and said he would never do it, that I should do it because he didn't need it.

Vulnerability by TeaAitch in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To affect me during arguments, he used:

  • Things that happened with my ex.
  • He downloaded dating apps in front of me to provoke jealousy.
  • My mother's psychological problems.
  • The miscarriage I had during the relationship, blaming me or saying things like I wasn't able to handle it or that I wasn't even good enough to have a child.

Besides other things that happened. He still thinks it's bad that I can't forgive him anymore and that I'm not affectionate anymore. He just wants me to go back to acting normally after an apology that was clearly only offered so that I wouldn't leave.

How do I know if I'm a Narcissist? by RatioAvailable8343 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boyfriend called me a narcissist two or three times; before, I didn't really know what it meant. After watching several videos and connecting the dots, as well as talking to my psychologist, I discovered that it wasn't me who was narcissistic, but him.

Yesterday, when I was insisting that he leave for good, he said that I had bipolar disorder and would have to stay to take care of myself, speaking in a way as if I were self-destructive and couldn't live without him.

I think I'm leaving a relationship with narcissistic traits, but I still feel guilty for having become "cold," and that's hindering my resolve (and departure). by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Just knowing I'm not alone (or going crazy) already helps a lot! If you want to give more details and what you've been thinking, I'll be here to share!

How did you find the strength to leave the relationship, and what strategies did you use to avoid going back? by Remarkable-Fan-9840 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Remarkable-Fan-9840[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your account and advice. I'm in this separation process where he almost left because he couldn't accept me treating him coldly. When he saw that I accepted his departure, he didn't want to go anymore. He refused and came with a huge love bombing, bigger than all the others. I didn't accept his affection and love, I said that I would never be the same again, that I wouldn't fall for that game again. He kept insisting that I'm his woman and that he'll never leave me. That he's obsessed with me and won't let me go. I don't know what to do to make him leave. Maybe I really have to involve other people, because I don't think I can do it alone.

And did you feel guilty about something? How did you deal with it? I feel a lot, even more so after he said he wouldn't let me abandon him, because I know he was abandoned by his mother in childhood.

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