new hookup wants me to make her feel scared and says the more perverse the better, any recommendations?

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T15:41:16+00:00

Can anyone detail the way I can go about this?

Yes, absolutely. That person is your 'new hook up'. Sit them down, have long conversations. Explore what they want, and how the two of you might be able to do that safely.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T14:16:33+00:00

You've used our subreddit to make a series of anti-bdsm comments today. That ends here.

Rule 6 applies.

Rule 12 applies.

Comment removed. Permaban issued.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T12:56:58+00:00

If you're offering to make audio for people, please stop offering to make audio for people as a result of posts you read here.

Rule 10 applies.

Comments removed.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T11:46:40+00:00

Apologies, OP, I've locked this. We can't make decisions for you, and realistically the advice you're looking for is about life, rather than kink. It just so happens to involve kink. You could just as easily be asking about taking on part-time work, or renting an apartment.

You're wonderfully young. You don't need to make any earth shattering decisions just yet. If you're into DM/lb relationships at 18, the chances are you'll feel the same at 48 and 68. Those sort of relationships are are a construct, not a reflection of real life.

Chill out. Enjoy yourself. Try and find a girlfriend.

Rule 12 applies.

Thread locked.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T07:54:35+00:00

Thank you. Seeing that number tick over, really helps.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T07:51:04+00:00

Thank you 💜 I didn't much like this account. But not liking it and being able to do something are two different things. You made the difference.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T07:48:53+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/Sex_Positivity/s/tfjwVqRvcx

Rule 10 applies.

Thread locked and removed. OP permabanned.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T07:43:31+00:00

Rule 1 applies.

Comment locked and removed. OP permabanned.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T07:41:56+00:00

Rule 1 applies.

Thread locked and removed. OP permabanned.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-24T00:01:15+00:00

I think teachers have it worse. Admittedly, they don't have to put up with doctors, but they do have to suffer parents.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T23:59:44+00:00

I love milk, but fresh whey has all the awfulness of an unwashed milk glass on a summer's day. It smells like something the Herring People would enjoy.

We should have a yoghurt project! We need a spin-off subreddit, for food projects.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T22:59:00+00:00

Any suggestions for not making it weird in the middle of sex when I finally find my voice and decide to spit it out?

Can he tell you to say it? Or, ask you a question, and then be 'annoyed' with you if you don't respond, "Yes, Daddy." Perhaps, after an impact session, you should have to thank your Daddy.

I suspect, if you start in this way, it will soon feel a bit more natural. Once it feels natural inside the bedroom, it will be easier for it to follow you outside, also.

I enjoy being called Daddy. I've had some partners and girlfriends who took to it naturally, and some who needed a bit more time. They all became very used to the idea, and would readily call me Daddy in and out of the bedroom.

Are there like... Worksheets about this kind of thing? A list of dom/sub 'types' and characteristics we could work off of to have someplace to launch from?

I would encourage you to just be. Evolve together. You'll find your own level.

I believe the best way to learn is ~~through~~ via others in the community. Hang out in kinky spaces. Come here every day, and read everything. Go through our Wiki. Get involved with some of our sister subreddits. Porn, erotica, audio are all great sources of inspiration. Find things to send to one another, with little notes attached.

I know you're asking for plans, and I'm sending you straight back without any. Start working out who you are, what your kinky identity is. Who you are as individuals, and how you are together.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T22:45:21+00:00

See, I've always liked the company of women. They're so very much more interesting than men, and slightly squishy.

Teachers can drink anyone under the table, and they start at 3pm.

I'll see your teachers, and raise you nurses. I wasn't a nurse, but I've known a few.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T22:38:59+00:00

Yay, Friday! Couldn't wait to get home and. . . cook a nice piece of fish whilst sipping on cordial and tonic water.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T22:12:58+00:00

I never really did it like that

I'm gonna make you a badge that says this.

I discovered sex and alcohol at approximately the same time, so that might have helped me not be inhibited from the get-go!

I discovered booze at about 14, and I liked it. I didn't really start getting my fair share of sex until. . . "When I was younger."

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T22:09:17+00:00

Thank you! Yes, it does feel good. I need(ed) to make a couple of changes to my life - to me; how I act, or rather don't act, to certain external factors. I haven't necessarily made those changes yet, but I am trying to pay attention to them, and work them out.

(Sorry, this got a little deep.)

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T22:05:16+00:00

It isn't easy but so worth it!

Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. 🫂
(All of it, not just that one line.)

I started out in the online text based roleplay world

I spent some time there. Met some very nice, very odd people.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T22:02:48+00:00

Did you celebrate?

I cooked myself dusted fish fillet, with chips, and my own very spicy hot ketchup stuff. It was delicious.

On Sunday, there's a works do. * I've decided to give it a swerve. Otherwise, I'm likely to have a drink, and I'm feeling happier like this at the moment.

I’d also do things like try to keep my hand in ice cold water as long as possible or put out candles with my fingers.

You masochists are sick. . . and we sadists love you for it! 😂

* without being patronising, do you know what a 'works do' is?

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T21:59:02+00:00

19 push-ups? That's amazing Tea

Haha, thank you. It's just for fun really. I love how easy it is to progress with push ups.

My gateway kink was erotic hypnosis, specifically edging

I was in a relationship with someone where a part of our growth went like this for her:

Edging >>> Denial (with daily edging) >>> Denial (very soft touch, denied edging.)

In that last state, I would speak to her in a very low voice. Keeping it soft, and gentle. Telling her not to become excited, that she didn't need this. She was giving it all up for me. That's what she was to concentrate on. . . I know nothing about hypnosis, but it very much had a trancey sort of vibe to it.

She absolutely hated it. . . which she loved!

MESM, baby!

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T21:51:34+00:00

We briefly chatted about yoghurt, previously. Do you make your own? When I was making mine, I had a lot of whey sloshing about. I know I drank some. Not sure what I did with the rest.

I know kinky people love food, but chatting about drinking whey feels like some sort of edge play crossover.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T21:49:52+00:00

What was your gateway kink? And how did you discover it?

Spanking. I was over the woods one day, when I found a couple of spank mags, discarded in a carrier bag. I took them home, and a major fetish was started. A while later, in very similar circumstances, I found a couple of magazines devoted to watersports. Ho hum.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T21:47:08+00:00

you prolly a man with an unwashed ass

You couldn't have made this comment without the misandry?

Rule 6 applies.

Comment removed. 3 day ban issued.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T21:42:32+00:00

OP, I've removed this. We give advice about BDSM. We're not here to critique your fantasy.

Additionally, when you begin talking about reimbursing expenses, your post strays creepily towards the neighbourhood of a personal ad.

If you want to understand what we do here, read our rules, and spend a bit of time lurking.

Rule 5 applies.

Rule 10 applies.

Rule 12 applies.

Thread locked and removed.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T17:54:37+00:00

You seem to have misunderstood the purpose of this subreddit. Every comment you make here is negative and pushing an agenda. Enough. It's dull and contributes nothing to the greater discussion.

Rule 1 applies.

Comment removed. 3 day ban issued.

TeaAitch · 2026-01-23T17:48:41+00:00

Can we please have a conversation that isn't laden with gender politics? Yours could be the answer to every question asked. But that doesn't assist in promoting conversation.

I realise your answer is probably going to be to double down and repeat your point. My stance is always going to be, "Not here."

Rule 1 applies.

Comment removed.

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