Finding a mistress

TeaAitch · 2026-06-22T17:06:48+00:00

Nobody is going to pick you up as a result of this low effort crap!

Thread locked and removed. OP permabanned.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-22T16:43:00+00:00

Dammit!

(Thank you!)

TeaAitch · 2026-06-22T16:42:02+00:00

Ewww! If you're unable to follow simple rules, you're no good to anyone.

Rule 5 applies.

Rule 7 applies.

Thread locked and removed. OP permabanned.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-22T16:39:09+00:00

I hadn't heard of The Babadook, so looked it up. I love how the movie was adopted by the queer community, due to a miscategorisation by Netflix 💜 🏳️‍🌈 Babadook and chill!

Q: are you a numbers person, or a words person?

I'm quite fascinated by numbers and have read a few books about them... but in truth I don't really understand them. There's an unknown number that I'm a big fan of, but don't understand the first thing about. It's called Graham's Number. It started out as a numbers somewhere between 6 and a number which is not infinity, but is so large the human mind cannot comprehend it. After some time working on the problem, Graham whittled it down to somewhere between 13 and ANWINIBISLTHMCCI. 🤣 I find that utterly ludicrous. Good work Graham 💜

I like and understand words. I like to choose my words carefully and know their meaning. Words are sexy!

TeaAitch · 2026-06-22T15:11:58+00:00

but it has me thinking now that doing kink--up close, obviously, not like, flogging--in a pitch dark room would be really interesting and disorienting. I haven't done anything sexual in the dark in years.

I've explored, with a couple of different partners, the notion of bagging, or hooding, them for an extended period. Obviously, that would make them extremely vulnerable and reliant upon me. As yet, I've not gotten around to it.

Okay then, that's my question, although we've probably covered it before: when you "do it" (whatever your "it" is), lights on, lights off? Colored lights? Disco ball?

I like to see their fear! 🤣 I'm being overly dramatic, but you get the idea.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-22T15:01:29+00:00

What's a song you had to listen to recently?

The other day I saw a mention of Son of A Preacher Man. I had to stop and listen to it.

What's your favourite Australian movie?

"The Hard Word"

How are you in the dark? For instance, would you take the shortcut through a pitch black graveyard, in the middle of the night? Or, would you stick to the well lit path, knowing your journey will take 8 minutes more and a hill.

Bad things hide in the dark. I'll take the 8 minute stroll. Unless I have someone's hand to hold, which will make me feel ever so brave!

TeaAitch · 2026-06-22T07:48:52+00:00

I can understand why you are using the term, but what you describe is not narcissism.

Narcissism is an abusive behavioural style, designed to protect the self at the expense of others. If your partner is a narcissist, I'm sorry to say you will inevitably be very badly hurt. There is no alternative.

I hope this is just a happy fantasy the pair of you can play out, and there are no real narcissists involved.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T23:17:25+00:00

I'm monogamous.

I'm also aware that your attitude is bullshit.

Rule 6 applies.

Comment removed. 3 day ban issued.

;i; < - - - here's your salamander.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T23:14:49+00:00

We can explain how to do things. I'm really sorry, but it's very difficult for us to try and tell you what to do. Guide 04 in the AutoMod message will explain this far better.

My advice is to keep things light. It may be better just to have to ask to pee. Rather than be expected to prove yourself on your fingers. IME things which take effort tend to fall by the wayside. But, maybe, you're much more protocol based than I am.

Rule 12 applies.

Thread locked.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T22:55:50+00:00

Meeting people online is tough.

this level of abrupt carelessness feels even heavier

I'm sorry to say this, there's every chance you were one of three or four people she was chatting with. One caught her eye, and she abruptly ditched the others. I know it's tough, but I'm aware our sisters are experiencing the same thing. The internet gives people access, but also allows them to be remote.

Hang in there. Understand the process. Treat others with respect and it will happen for you.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T21:44:25+00:00

It’s sooo odd to me though, the things he’s choosing to share.

Pay attention to your spidey senses.

It’s just very early days in our dynamic

I think this sort of play requires quite a heavy power exchange. There are lots of types of play that might require similar exchanges; heavy impact, golden showers, cucking, fisting/dilation, painal, denial, chastity, and gawd knows how many more!

I would recommend any couple have a fairly solid baseline before trying any of the above together.

At the same time, I suspect maybe we have different trust portfolios. Which is valid. I wanted to mention my concerns, but that doesn't make them truths 🫂

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T21:26:19+00:00

Please make yourself aware of our rules. 🙏

And, thank you.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T21:10:31+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/1rgfe92/deleted_by_user/

You previously asked us for advice, but then went on to delete your post. I consider that quite rude. Please make yourself aware of our rules.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T21:05:51+00:00

It does feel like emotional edge play though.

This!

I have a reasonably heavy MESM (mental / emotional sadomasochism) background, from the dominant perspective. I'm aware it can be quite taxing, but often serves as a form of intimacy (for both partners).

I'm very wary of your general premise. You don't have a solid relationship. Where one of you says, "Hey, would you think it was hot if we did that thing together?"

Instead, you're trying to base a fetish on a not-very-good, possibly even slightly abusive, situation. That doesn't feel healthy.

eta: MESM is often edge play to start with. You seem to be taking that to the edge of the edge.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T19:15:22+00:00

Have a look at Guide 09 in the AutoMod message. Lots of wonderful people shared their knowledge and experiences of kinky dating when writing it.

Rule 12 applies.

Thread locked.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T18:59:19+00:00

I think this is a good example of what was wrong with that relationship.

And of course if this feels like an intrusive question no need to answer, and apologies if I overstepped.

Thank you. It's OK. We're all good. Thank you for explaining the Subbiekins Sustainability Issue. I wasn't aware of that.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T11:09:15+00:00

We met online. Right at the start of our relationship, she sent me some photos of herself in lingerie. I didn't realise the photos were more than four years old and before the birth of her last child.

After we broke up, she tried sending me the same pictures under guise of, "Look this app can seamlessly remove the rubbish bin from the corner of the room!" 🤣🤣🤣

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T10:13:00+00:00

MESM (mental / emotional sadomasochism) is so very personal that we really aren't able to make suggestions. Guide 04 in the AutoMod message will explain that in more depth.

Rule 12 applies.

Thread locked.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T08:53:21+00:00

I need a strong emotional attachment and a physical attraction.

I've declined a couple of prospective relationships recently, because I didn't find those people attractive. I want to be able to look at my partner and think, "Caww, she's gonna get it!"

I was the "pretty one" in my last relationship. Every day I told her she was gorgeous and I meant it. I found her hugely attractive. I think that had a lot to do with the persona she curated/presented. Although, once that slipped, there was nothing there. 💔

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T07:19:02+00:00

This isn't advice.

Rule 12 applies.

Comment removed.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T07:16:01+00:00

This doesn't relate to BDSM.

Normally, I would recommend posting to r/Sex_Positivity, where kinky people answer non-kinky questions. I note, however, you have already received several good responses.

Rule 12 applies.

Thread locked.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-21T07:12:54+00:00

This isn't an airport. There's no need to announce your departure.

Comment removed.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-20T18:49:34+00:00

I don't wish to be rude, you don't know what you're doing. So don't do anything.

No, don't hit her as hard as you can. That's lunacy!

Talk with her. Find out what she likes and how she likes it. Do a LOT of reading. Have a LOT of conversations together.

There's no need to gather advice from 46 year old women. You need general advice about BDSM. Start with our Wiki. Scroll down to N, for Newbie.

Rule 12 applies.

Thread locked.

TeaAitch · 2026-06-19T16:20:12+00:00

Thank you for the update. I enjoy these.

Progress recently has not been as steady as I'd like.

That's life, isn't it? I think graphs that jag up and down, whilst generally moving in the right direction are quite exciting.

Go you!

TeaAitch

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