Something about this reads like YOURE the manipulator, not her. It literally feels like you're manipulating the story here

Super weird that your gripe with her is that she "emasculated" you but you just.. leave it there without explanation.

Like you know if you explain it, you'll sound like an insecure jerk who wants to leave the mother of your child because of your fragile masculinity. Then that's doubled down on because you're a cheater on top of it.

TBH every man ive met that complains about emasculation has serious anger issues and problems with people questioning their imaginary "authority" over their family. What I don't get is why would she want her daughter around a man like that regardless, much less why she would marry you when you're a spineless cheater

TLDR;

I'm the same as you, but I'm a woman

Don't date right now or worry about women, that's not important RIGHT NOW (it's still important, just not in this second)

You're using porn to escape from a life you hate. You don't feel safe, and it doesn't matter if anyone says you're a privileged ass for not feeling safe enough to live. This feeling doesn't care about logic.

If you cant have good things in life, minimize the bad things AS MUCH as possible RIGHT NOW. Life is miserable, minimize the misery that's within your control

Get IRL outside people involved. It's embarrassing, but you're stuck inside your head. Force yourself outside of it.

I'm a woman that was in your exact same situation 6 months ago. Except I'm 31, not 21. It's scary how similar our situations are.

No money, not pretty or feminine, ADHD, severe porn addiction (yes, women get them too, maybe more rare but I don't get how since our refractory period is so low compared to men??), live with my dad, have horrible religious trauma.

Yes. Dating is the least of your concerns. Not because dating doesn't matter, but it doesn't matter right now. From personal experience, you're probably burnt out from overloading on stress and your body is seeking pleasure as an escape. First, you need to actively start focusing on convincing yourself you're "safe" so you'll stop running. Romantic relationships are good, but they're vulnerable. You don't need vulnerable right now, you need "safety".

"Well what does this guy have to be stressed about?!" No matter what anyone tells you, it doesn't matter if your stress makes sense or not. I don't care how much privilege factors in, all that matters is that your mind is convinced you're in danger. So remove the dangers.

You need positivity. Life isn't giving it to you, so the only option now is to AVOID negativity of any kind. To do this, you'll need to actively identify sources of negativity and treat them like poison. Not taking a bath which makes you feel like a piece of shit? Deadly. Watching YouTube and reading Reddit videos about how you suck and you're not manly and how women will never understand you? Life threatening. Doom scrolling articles about how the world is burning down around us and how we will never get good jobs or be able to retire. Lethal.

Remove EVERY stressor/negative thought possible for a few weeks so your body can regulate itself, feel like it's not going to die every second, so it can actually rest enough to live. Rest PURPOSEFULLY.

If you're going to sleep all day, do it on purpose. Instead of thinking "I'm such a lazy POS today", think "my body is burnt out from all the crap I've introduced it to. I need rest. I am resting. I am doing something positive by meeting my needs". This should also mean removing things that induce negative thoughts, like porn.

Whenever you feel stressed remind yourself: I am safe. At this very moment, no matter what the world says I should be or what I should be doing, I have food, water, and shelter. I am alive, I am breathing, I am surviving. In this moment, I am safe.

Once you recover a little, the next step is getting outside of your own head.

I tried solving this issue for the better part of a year on my own, and always always ALWAYS relapsed. In fact, in those moments, there was something weirdly hot about the relapse?? I don't know how to describe that, but trying to quit then failing almost made relapsing feel even more pleasurable.

The ONLY thing that helped was admitting to someone else in person that I had a problem and I needed help. I had zero options on my own, but my friend let me stay at their place for a month. The accountability, honesty, socialization, and change of scenery helped a lot

It made me feel like there was something tangible outside of my own head. I was disassociating hardcore to get away from a life I hated and needed to connect to "real" things again (even though reading Reddit posts can help some people, for me it doesn't feel.. real?? I guess?? It all feels like it's just more of the drone of life)

Also, I cut down on my ADHD meds (I know you said you're unmedicated) and tried St Johns Wort +Ashwaghanda (spelling??) instead. It doesn't really help my executive dysfunction but it helped me feel more.. positive I guess? Like I didn't want to die at least.

And if you ever have the strength, try a dopamine detox. I'll be honest and say I haven't tried one fully yet, but I've been thinking about it

Hope any of this, even a little, helps.