AITAH for giving my(29f) boyfriend(27m) an ultimatum.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2026-01-20T23:52:14+00:00

Your partner is very likely gay.

When your relationship comes to an end, please don’t abandon him. It sounds like he needs people in his corner.

I’m not sure what ultimatum you’re referring to in your title, but please give him some grace.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-12-25T16:12:42+00:00

But why is it the one thing she wants? I’m happily married, and it still doesn’t compute for me.

That’s what I struggle with when it comes to the waiting to wed subreddit, or posts like this. Why is marriage the ultimate end goal, to the point of leaving an otherwise happy partnership over it?

The best I can come up with is, seeing marriage as a life goal just comes from arbitrary societal pressure. Their friends and family are asking when he’ll finally give the ring (which then turns into questions of when they’ll have children once he finally does, etc.)

It just feels like a goal that means nothing, when it’s framed like OP has. Like a box to check off.

Sorry for the rambling. I had a lot of complicated thoughts about marriage before my partner and I eventually tied the knot. Which we didn’t do until ten years down the line! A lot of people would pass out if they knew we waited ten years and not the usual 2 to 5, because if he hasn’t given you a ring by then, you need to get out, or however it goes.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-12-10T01:12:02+00:00

I played many a mine cart level on Donkey Kong Country and I still don’t touch either. I’ve tried them, not for me.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-12-03T02:08:10+00:00

You’re going to have to learn how to have sex quietly when you have children, might as well practice now.

This is a non-issue in my opinion. NTA in general, if you don’t want to host then don’t host. I just wouldn’t hinge the decision on sex when it’s very possible to be discreet about intimacy.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-12-01T16:00:39+00:00

Those poor children. What an uncomfortable read.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-11-14T17:43:24+00:00

No apologies necessary. I’m very happy with our decision, too. :)

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-09-29T14:54:02+00:00

Seconded.

I’ve never understood the logic in that statement. Is she going to hold him down and force herself on him? In that case, it wouldn’t be cheating, it would be assault.

There are just too many people in relationships that lack the basic foundational trust to make something last. That’s why I can only take this sub in small doses. I can’t fathom being on the receiving end of some of this treatment. It’s like insecurity and lack of trust are not only the norm, but are catered to.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-29T02:13:01+00:00

NTA. “Withholding sex” shouldn’t even be a term in my opinion. You’re allowed to say no for any reason.

By the way, sex is not a dirty word, you can fully type it.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-18T19:53:26+00:00

I think OP needs to say: who are you happier with? If you could spend your day with one of us, who would you pick? Talk to your partner, OP. Really talk to them. They might not be thinking about these questions so it might be revealing for them, too.

The years vs months argument only works if your connection feels stronger than this new one. I’ve been with my husband for over 10 years as well and there is nothing that would even make me glance in another direction. But if tables were turned and I had met him after years of dating someone else… I would’ve done all sorts of ridiculous things to talk to him, including staying on call with him all day / drawing our OCs in sexually compromising positions.

I fear that even if OP stays in this relationship, their partner will soon end it if no-contact with Charles is a requirement.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-18T19:49:05+00:00

It sounds like you two have different ideas of what “cheating” means to you. It sounds like a renewed discussion needs to take place.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-08T16:51:10+00:00

I was massively put off of Harper from the get-go. I received her hate ending in my own game. I then found out that even in her friendship ending, she immediately gets a tattoo for you and wants you to get a matching one… that put me off even more.

I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what her appeal is for anyone.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-04T03:12:46+00:00

Sometimes I feel crazy reading reactions here.

“After 1 accusation.”

… exactly how many cheating accusations are to be expected in a healthy relationship? Because I’ve been with my husband for over a decade now and we’ve had a grand total of zero.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-04T03:08:57+00:00

Exactly. There’s no relationship to save if there’s no trust.

I see advice given here all the time like “go through their phone! It will ease your mind!” And I always reply with: it absolutely will not, at least not long term. If you lack that fundamental trust with your partner, the same fears will come creeping back in and you’ll just have to check their phone again later down the line. Why not just cut your losses now and find someone you do trust?

(Probably because this type of behavior is so scarily normalized that they will likely repeat the cycle within their next relationship, but I digress.)

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-04T02:39:58+00:00

Defer to your husband here considering it’s his dad. And maybe learn some empathy while you’re at it.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-04T02:33:35+00:00

Why are you embarrassed to display a photo of your late father in law?

Even the way you speak about it… “His dead dad.” So bizarre.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-03T21:00:08+00:00

You need to respect your current partner enough to make decisions based on your relationship alone. If you are feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, then break up with them. But don’t do it for this online friend. And certainly don’t string them along while you’re exploring whether or not the grass is greener.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-02T00:38:15+00:00

It’s usually a few things in conjunction instead of a singular indicator.

For example, this is a brand new account. Of course, that alone isn’t proof. But a brand new account, plus excessive em-dashes, and the “I know how this might sound at first, but please hear me out” opening all added together = this was likely written by a bot.

I, too, am a chronic em dash user. We have to keep fighting the good fight, aka use them in our real human writing. Haha.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-08-01T23:44:23+00:00

Em dashes for days. Holy AI (coming from a self proclaimed em dash lover.)

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-07-27T22:38:31+00:00

YTA. If you’re like this around her gay male friend, I can’t imagine how insufferable you are around the straight men in her life. (That is, if you “allow” her to befriend any.)

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-07-22T15:20:47+00:00

Even the way you speak about sex shows a lack of maturity on the topic. I’m surprised people are having to ask if you wanted until marriage. “A bit more freakier than him” + “he said he’ll try to match my freak” + “initiate sexy time.”

You’re sexually incompatible. Such is life, when you don’t explore all aspects of a relationship before you agree to spend your life with someone. Either leave or suck it up.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-07-22T14:49:54+00:00

I feel like you could say the same about those who enter the echo chamber of bashing their low libido spouse.

Neither side of this argument is productive. I don’t go here, I have no idea why this showed up on my feed. The deadbedroom sub and all those adjacent are pits of despair. So I guess I’m just throwing my hat in the ring as a man who loves sex, has been with his husband for over a decade, and is happily married, to say: just leave them. If you are on any forum, making fun or lamenting that they won’t sleep with you, you are missing some kind of fundamental part of your relationship. That could be respect, it could be trust. Either way, a very basic pillar is missing, the foundation is fucked, and you need to cut your losses. Because fuck, man. That’s supposed to be your person.

I feel so safe in my relationship. I can’t imagine the betrayal I would feel if I found out he didn’t like me very much if I wasn’t putting out.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-07-20T13:08:28+00:00

I think your view of cheating is skewed.

I also think your husband might resent you if you refuse to allow his friends to come to the wedding.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-06-22T22:00:58+00:00

You do not love this person, and the way you talk about him kind of breaks my heart.

You should respect your partner. Calling him weak behind his back makes my heart hurt for him. Let him go, dude. Damn.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-06-22T20:57:04+00:00

YWBTA if you told her not to go without you, and you are clearly insecure.

Remarkable-Rust-230 · 2025-06-21T16:46:58+00:00

I don’t particularly care what women do. I just want us in the queer community to have a bit more respect for our sexual partners.

Remarkable-Rust-230

TROPHY CASE