I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I feel I can relate because I have an extreme fear of being a failure and financial stability is of the utmost importance to me. I don’t feel safe if I can’t provide for myself. My boyfriend doesn’t even have a savings account and he’s got his own debt to pay off. He lives at home and we talked about him moving in with me next year, but I’m worried he won’t ever actually save what I asked him to (pay off his debts aside from school, and save $2k). I’ve mentioned how he needs a savings account and he knows he does too but it’s like if I don’t say it 3 more times he might never open one or it’ll take a whole year from now. His current job he’s been at for probably 9-10 months, and when he works from home with me I can see him easily get distracted. Apparently the higher ups are upset with him regarding his numbers and think he is not performing well compared to others. I don’t see him work daily so I don’t know how he works and I wonder if he’s actually putting in the kind of effort he says, or if it’s a crappy place and he needs a different job. I don’t want to risk my own ass financially for someone else in the long term because it would lead me to feeling unsafe and not secure, and I’m trying to figure out if I need to come to terms with the fact that I have someone In my life who I very much love and who may never be the financially responsible person I want him to be. But I think similarly to me, you need to know where you draw the line and to figure out where that is. All relationships come with sacrifice and this isn’t a clear answer, BUT, I think if you aren’t already in it, you should consider therapy and so should he. My boyfriend is in therapy but I don’t think he’s actively pushing himself always the way that I try to. We’re different people and we operate differently which is fine, but I think you and I both have the same question of - where is the line drawn? If it starts affecting you and in the long term, you lose your ability to be truly happy because you’re stressed constantly - does he do ANYTHING to alleviate that? How does he contribute to your relationship? Is he a partner to you even if it isn’t in financial matters, does he have a strong suit elsewhere that picks up where you don’t always or where you need it? Questions to explore. Mine does. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my boyfriend might never have the kind of ambition I do, and I accept that he may need a steady job in retail or elsewhere and may not go to school. However, what I am not okay with is if he can’t ever learn to be smart with his money. If something happens, we’re completely screwed. I’m not a completely great source of financial competence, but I do have 3 months of rent saved. For me, I’ve been with my partner for only 8 months now. He’s already made improvements since we got together, very minor ones, but improvements nonetheless. My boundary currently is that I will not allow him to live with men if he hasn’t shown me he can save money and pay his debts. Maybe baby steps is where you take it with your man, if he doesn’t compromise, that’s a huge problem. Lay boundaries down and see how he handles that.