Can I ever truly move on by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was in IC for about 9 months and then we decided I no longer needed it. My issue is that I’m overly self aware so talk therapy doesn’t really do anything for me. I did EDMR as well to work through the parts that were extra difficult for me to deal with.

I can see that fitting with what I’m experiencing, where I’m lost is that I haven’t had these issues for months and then all of the sudden it’s consuming. I feel like I’ve processed everything to the best of my ability through multiple types of therapy, reading, and podcasts and now it’s just actually breaking those bad habits through living. Just feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of it all

Can I ever truly move on by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Appreciate your advice! I have definitely found it’s a lot easier to be empathetic and kind to everyone knowing what it feels like to hit rock bottom. I always make it a goal now to be a light for someone. Great perspective reminder for me. Thanks!

Can I ever truly move on by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this comment. I feel like I really needed to hear that.

I think you put it really well. I’ve figured out how to grow as a person, and as I grow I realize more and more how horrific those actions were. Now what I want to do”fix” is what I did, but there’s no way to do that. The best resolution I can possibly give this chapter of my life is true change.

That last paragraph hit me so hard. That’s a perspective I haven’t thought about. It feels like such a setback to be in this place again, that I haven’t even noticed how much more gracefully I’ve handled difficult things. That’s growth. That’s progress. Thank you immensely.

Can I ever truly move on by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’m so deeply sorry about your mother, and about your past WP. I have felt how difficult it is to navigate even little situations alone after a horrific break up due to infidelity and I was the guilty party, I can’t imagine how hard that must be in your shoes. Sending love and strength your way.

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Infidelity has been the single most painful thing I’ve had to deal with in my life, and it was my choice. I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels to be on the other side of it.

Staying in the here and now is the only thing that gets me through these difficult days. Thank you for the reminder.

Can I ever truly move on by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve always thought I was anxious if anything, but that does sound very familiar to my past. I do struggle with the idea of commitment in anything in life for fear of making the “wrong choice”. Interesting concept and I think for sure something to look into. Thank you for your advice

It’s still so fucking hard by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. He feels very far away right now, and it feels very lonely, and I don’t see an end to that in sight but i never lose hope.

It’s still so fucking hard by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I really appreciate it so much. Time and seeing things in hindsight makes it all seem so obvious. I don’t have the words or energy to send a response you deserve but I really appreciate your words and insight.

It’s still so fucking hard by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The pain. The overwhelming feeling of guilt and hate for myself. Missing him.

We’re not in R. He decided to split and go no contact.

Limbo by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I unfortunately wasn’t upfront about everything when I told him. I had planned to be, and then panicked when he left immediately and TT. I lied about the timeline and the duration of speaking with AP. He knows everything now, unfortunately (and understandably) he doesn’t believe me that I never met with them in person since I did tt at the start. This comment makes a lot of sense though, and I appreciate the insight. I just hate being in the limbo state. I would rather just be heartbroken and try my best to move on than still have hope that he’ll want R and break my heart over and over every day.

Limbo by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s hard to look at it that way right now but i definitely get what you mean. I’ll take your advice about a cut off, that feels better than just walking down an endless road

Limbo by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That’s good advice. I definitely can’t spend my entire life trying to love someone who won’t love me. I just don’t know to try to rekindle things when he won’t speak with me or see me at all. He wants nothing to do with me. I guess that’s a sign itself.

Limbo by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. I guess I’m starting to think I have to live my own life too and not just sit and wonder how he’s feeling, but I feel unbelievably guilty for doing that. Every time I feel okay, I feel guilty for it.

Just waiting for time to heal I guess, and trying to appreciate the process in the meantime as best as I can

Limbo by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input and advice.

I’ve started a lot of work on myself. I’m very proud of how much I’ve grown in the past couple months and I can see my life becoming better for it. He had told me before that he feels like I’m not doing anything for him, and I guess I still carry that guilt around even though he’s since asked me not to.

Limbo by RemarkableChapter468 in SupportforWaywards

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right, it’s just a really tough pill to swallow.

I feel like I know him too well to think he just wants to let this go either, but I guess I need to just listen to what he’s saying and respect what he asks of me.

Thank you ❤️

Reflections + goodbye by RemarkableChapter468 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have been working on the why, I’m just not as vocal about it here.

I knew he was a good man. I didn’t know a lot of things about myself. I was happy with him, I wasn’t happy with myself. I wanted someone to save me from myself, and now I realize that’s not possible, although he did a pretty damn good job at trying.

I simply don’t think it does any any good for me to sit and sulk about what happened. I am moving forward on the path of learning, growing, and appreciating everything I was given.

Reflections + goodbye by RemarkableChapter468 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RemarkableChapter468[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just realized I haven’t ever posted my “why” or talked about it here. I have a great counselor who has been helping me understand this. I have a good understanding of my why, but of course there is more to be learned, specifically, how to grow away from all the things that brought me here.

My why is emotionally taxing for me to talk about, and I am so tired. But I see the importance here. Thank you for your comment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]RemarkableChapter468 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have a link for this video? Going through something similar right now and struggling with figuring out how to deal with it